True Blue
by girlface
Summary: After receiving devastating news, Lorelai realizes the true extent of the friendships she has made in Stars Hollow.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing Gilmore Girls related, not even a box set cause I'm poor!!

Summary: After receiving bad news, Lorelai realizes the true extent of her friendships she has made in Stars Hollow.

Rating is T but mostly just for language. Please keep in mind that this is my first ever fanfic and that I do not have a BETA so some mistakes may be found…plus I suck at punctuation!!

Chapter 1

It had been a truly miserable week for Lorelai, and the weather had sure reflected her moods. The torrential down pour Monday had been a fitting start to her week, followed by a steady downpour covering Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. She had been mostly house bound so far this week and had finally decided to go over to Luke's for breakfast before her final appointment of the week. But in true Lorelai fashion, as she rushed late to her Jeep still securing her foot in her high heels she slid in the messy walkway in front of her house and fell in a large puddle. Sitting there for a moment, looking down at her mud splattered outfit, Lorelai released a quiet gasp as a tear rolled down her cheek. She slowly got up and entered her house without noticing Babette watching out her window with a look of worry on her face.

Luke had been busy all day. With the storm having just passed, all his regular customers and a lot of new faces were taking over the dinner. He knew this would happen and had stocked the freezers accordingly, if one thing could be said about this crazy town it was the predictability of the eating habits of the citizens. After any type of storm the locals gathered and caught up on the gossip of what had happened in the short time since they had seen each other last.

As the diner slowed down, Luke took stock of his week. Monday had been so slow that he had closed early, having only Kirk as a customer the entire day. Kirk had been outside when it started to rain and had been closer to the diner than home. After much pleading for him to leave, Luke offered him a drive home and a free peanut butter and oatmeal sandwich for the next morning. He was still shuddering over Kirk's crazy orders.

Tuesday and Wednesday Luke had stayed closed as there had been so much water on the streets of Stars Hollow that he assumed no one would come in. Though he knew losing this much business in one week would be bad for the books, he realized it was nice to get a break from the craziness of it all once and awhile.

Looking at the clock Luke was surprised to see it was almost time to close and still no sign of Lorelai. It had been 5 days since he had seen her last and he was missing her quick wit and radiant smile terribly. He had been expecting her all day, and was constantly looking up whenever the bells would ring. He had over heard Babette talking to Patty earlier about Lorelai's fall. He assumed in her quest to not be late for work she had not had her shoes on properly and had slipped in the marsh like grass that was now Stars Hollows newest fashion thanks to the rain. He had made a mental note then to put in a stone walkway from the house to Lorelai's driveway. Maybe her and Rory could put in some flowers along the path, though neither really had a green thumb. With this thought Luke smiled and flipped the sign on the door. Closing half an hour early wouldn't hurt much and this way he could run some food over to his favourite customer.

Upon arriving Luke found that the jeep was not there. Looking at the clock he wondered where she could be since it was close to 10 pm. He hadn't heard anyone talking about Lorelai dating in months and assumed she must be visiting Rory at Yale. He quickly checked the door and finding it unlocked frowned, but entered. The house was disastrous which was usual, but he did notice an abundance of used Kleenex by the couch, hoping it had just been from a chick flick movie marathon he stuck the food in the fridge and left a note on her hall table telling her food was in the fridge and he hoped to see her tomorrow.

Lorelai arrived home around 11 that night. It had been a long day and after her afternoon appointment she was unable to function. Needing time alone and to be away from everyone that knew her, Lorelai parked her car behind the old stables of the Independence Inn, and quietly let herself into her and Rory's old home, which still stood in the backyard. After waking up many hours later in the old potting shed, she had returned home to find a message on her answering machine from her mother reminding her about tomorrow's dinner. Sighing she walked towards the living room when she noticed the post it sitting on the hall table.

"M_issed you these last few days. Your liquid death is in the fridge along with a side of grease. Hope to see you soon. _

_ Luke"_

Lorelai smiled a sad smile and got the food from the fridge. Forgoing the microwave she sat down with her cold meal on the couch. Lifting her legs close to her chest she wrapped one of her arms around her knees, and took a couple of cold fries from the bag with the other. Munching slowly she released a sigh, she had been told previously to expect this information. They would double check everything but they seemed sure. Looking down at her coffee she took a small drink and let out a loud sob. Dropping the food and coffee on the table she wrapped her other arm around her knees and rested her head on them letting the tears run slowly down her face and wetting her favourite pants.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing Gilmore Girls related, not even a box set cause I'm poor!!

Summary: After receiving devastating news, Lorelai realizes the true extent of her friendships she has made in Stars Hollow.

Rating is T but mostly just for language. Please keep in mind that this is my first ever fanfic and that I do not have a BETA so some mistakes may be found…plus I suck at punctuation!!

Chapter 2

He was starting to get worried. It was Friday night and he had yet to see or hear from Lorelai. It was so unlike her to go so long with out his food especially Friday's. Most Friday's she came barreling in, complaining about her upcoming dinner and begged him to have a huge pot of coffee and pie with whipped cream and ice cream waiting on her when she returned. At close, Luke was determined to find out what was going on. Going out back he turned off the grill and put some coffee and pie in to go containers and flipped the sign to closed. Just as he was about to open the door to leave, Lorelai pulled up in front of the dinner. She slowly got out, head hung low and Luke held the door open for her, knowing that whatever happened had been bad, and she would most likely be needing more than a cup of coffee and a slice of pie to cheer her up.

Lorelai had managed to avoid everyone that day. She had locked herself in her office and done paperwork. Since the fire at the Independence Inn, her best friend Sookie, their previous concierge, Michel, and herself had started plans for their own Inn. Sookie and herself would be the co-owners with Michel accepting more duties when the new Dragonfly would open. She had been lucky, the Independence had only had severe damage to one side of the building and she was able to continue to use the office for her plans to open the Dragonfly. Mia, the former owner, and a second mother to her, had left the power hooked up for her for the next few months while she looked for a buyer for the damaged property. This way Lorelai could still show potential buyers the property since Mia lived on the other side of the country, but also so Lorelai had an office to use for her own plans.

Leaving at 5:30, Lorelai left to go straight to her parent's house. She knew they would not be happy with her choice of clothing, or that she smelled somewhat like smoke, but she couldn't seem to care at all. Lorelai knew how critical Emily would be on her, especially since Rory was unable to join them for dinner due to a last minute deadline for a paper for one of her classes at Yale. Arriving early, Lorelai checked her appearance in her rear view mirror, and got out and rang the doorbell. Praying the evening would end sooner if she started it sooner, Lorelai waited for the maid to open the door.

She was startled from her thoughts when her mother opened the door. "Well Lorelai, if you were going to be earlier you might as well have gone home and changed first. Please don't tell me you wore that to work. It's not very professional looking," she said with a grimace. "Well hello to you to Mother" Lorelai said rolling her eyes and walking past her and dropping her coat and purse on the leather chair in the entry.

"Richard, Lorelai is here hurry up and come out here" rolling her eyes at the closed study door Emily complained how he had been locked away in his office all day working. Richard exited the office and headed straight to the drink cart. "Well Lorelai it's nice to see you, what can I get you to drink?"

"Water's fine dad" she sighed.

"Lorelai what is wrong with you, you are always quick to down as much alcohol as fast as possible, and you look positively terrible. You look like you're losing weight in one area and putting on twice as much in another…oh my god you're pregnant" she exclaimed. "I can't believe you're doing this again, how can you put us through this humiliation again Lorelai, and what will Rory think, she is a young and impressionable girl. You can't just…"

Lorelai cut her off then. Her face was beat red and it was clear she was trying to keep from crying. "God Mom, I just wanted water what the hell is wrong with you!" At this the tears started pouring down her face. "Why do you always do this, you know what it doesn't even matter, you'll never have to worry about it happening again" quickly she ran out of the room grabbing her coat and purse and running to her Jeep leaving a shocked Emily and tired Richard in her wake. She wasn't sure how she had made it back to Stars Hollow, but she found herself pulling up in front of Luke's and saw him holding the door for her. Lowering her head so he couldn't see her face Lorelai got out of the car and made her way slowly into the diner.

Keeping her head low and her back to Luke, Lorelai asked if they could go upstairs. She heard Luke lock the door and felt his hand guiding her back gently towards the curtain leading to his apartment. Once they reached the top Luke leaned against Lorelai to open the door. Feeling him behind her, and feeling the weight of the last week on her Lorelai sunk back into him and let out a small muffled cry. She could feel Luke tense and then wrap his arm around her waist and lead them inside. Leading her to the couch he sat her down and then sat on the coffee table in front of her. She watches him sit a take out bag on the coffee table beside him and she can feel his gaze on her. "Lorelai" he says.

She stands and starts pacing, she can feel him watching her but does not move. Finally she slows and turns to him. "Luke I really need a friend tonight actually I need two. I need you, and Jose, or Bud, or Morgan or God I don't know, but have you ever realized that all the good alcohol names are male. Yea there's Sherry or Brandy, well I guess Morgan could be a female name to but…" she has been rambling fast even for her and is losing her breath. She feels Luke wrap his arms around her and feels him leading them to the kitchen. Sitting her down at the kitchen table Luke opens the fridge and pulls out a half full bottle of Jack Daniels.

"Oh Jack, how could I forget Jack he's a strong male alcohol, I definitely shouldn't have forgotten him."

"Lorelai I'll make you a deal, I will drink with you but you have to stay here. Take the bed and I'll take the couch. You seem really upset and I definitely don't want you going home alone, sad and drunk."

Nodding, she sighs. "You know I never thought I would be alone" she says reaching for the glass Luke is pouring for her. As he sits down he hands it to her and puts the bottle back in the centre of the table and wraps his hands around his glass.

She downs the glass she is holding and fills it again from the bottle on the table, making sure to fill it to the rim unlike Luke who had filled it half way. She takes another large sip as Luke looks on, emptying half the glass in that one mouthful. "God Luke I really need to talk about this but I haven't even told Rory. Oh God, how am I going to tell Rory" she says starring at the table and feeling the tears rolling down her cheeks. She hears Luke scraping his chair along the floor and looks up to see him knee to knee with her. He brushes a hair behind her ear and whispers softly "you can tell me anything Lorelai, I'm always here for you."

Getting up she pulls his hand so he is standing as well. With almost all of their body parts touching she realizes how close they are to each other and takes his hand pulling him to the couch where she sits down and pulls him down beside her. Noticing she has forgotten the bottle and their drinks she puts up a finger signifying for him to wait there and she goes back to the table and gets their things. Sitting back down she leans against the arm of the couch and looks at him.

"If it's okay, can we just play a game or talk about something else for a bit. I just need a bit more alcohol before I can spit this one out."

He picks up their glasses from the coffee table where she has left them and they each hold their glass. He looks at her and holds up his glass, "truth or dare" he finally asks.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing Gilmore Girls related, not even a box set cause I'm poor!!

Summary: After receiving devastating news, Lorelai realizes the true extent of her friendships she has made in Stars Hollow.

Rating is T but mostly just for language. Please keep in mind that this is my first ever fanfic and that I do not have a BETA so some mistakes may be found…plus I suck at punctuation!!

Chapter 3

It had been about 2 hours since Lorelai had arrived and the Jack Daniels long since forgotten about. Lorelai and Luke were each nursing their second beer and laughing.

"I can't believe you streaked though your homecoming game. I know you ran in high school but I can't see you running like that!"

"Yea yea you asked me what the craziest thing I had ever done was, and that was it. After that I couldn't get Crazy Carrie to leave me alone, she was always following me around."

"I guess she liked what she saw," Lorelai said and then blushed thinking what a great body that crowd had been treated to that day. "So I bet that's why you took her under those bleachers, you have a thing for having an audience…so how many girls did you take under those bleachers Butch?"

"Geez" he said blushing, "well seeing as how I just answered your question I guess you'll have to save that question for later since it's your turn…truth or dare Lorelai?"

"Um lets try truth this time" Lorelai said biting her lower lip trying to gain control of her drifting thoughts.

"Well since you decided to head us in that line of questioning, how many men have you slept with?" Oh God, did I just ask her that he though oh shit oh shit oh shit. He was just about to open his mouth to apologize when Lorelai spoke.

"Three" she said without hesitation. "Chris was my first, he got me pregnant on his first go, then I was to busy raising Rory to worry about dating. He came in and out of my life every few years or so, scratched an itch for me and then was gone again. Next was Max, you know about that I just kind of got caught up in the idea of a partnership with him. Even though I didn't love him it was just nice to have someone who didn't run off at the first sign of trouble. Then there was Alex, I just really needed someone to help me get over Max. I knew I needed someone to keep me occupied or I would go back to him and that sense of security even if I knew he wasn't who I wanted" she said looking at him sadly. "I feel like such a slut saying that I basically use guys to get what I want, God I hope I don't sound as bad as I think I do," she says frowning.

"Lorelai, you're in your 30's, having slept with 3 people is not something I can imagine anyone would comment on. Well maybe Mrs. Kim" they both start laughing.

"So Luke, how many people have you been with?" she asks cocking her head to the side.

"Um" she looks up at him and he looks quite uncomfortable. "It's okay, I didn't even ask you truth or dare".

"No, no it's okay. I've been with 5. I'm not really proud of some of the things I've done though." Lorelai leans over and rests her hand on his knee. God he is such a great guy I can't believe he has things he's ashamed of, he's so perfect. She looks up when she hears him continue. "My first was Sarah, I was obsessed with her she just made things seem so good. My mother had just died and I was 15, Sarah had been our neighbour forever. Her mother had sent her over with some food for us. My father was devastated and wouldn't come out of his room. Liz was staying with some friends at the time and didn't want to come home I guess. Sarah came over and she was a bit older than me, she said I needed to get out of my head for a little bit and she kissed me. One thing led to another and we slept together. We never talked about it again and 5 months later her and her family moved away. I never heard from her again."

She can feel him looking at her and looks up and meets his eyes. "You know about Rachel, We got together when I was 17 and were together till I was 20. When Dad died I was really hard to deal with and she took that as her cue to leave. She left a week after Dad's funeral. I was really upset that night and went wandering around downtown and ran into some drunk girl leaving the bar. I never got her name but she was number 3. Took her home to my house and could never look at the place the same again. I moved into the office about a week later. I felt I had disrespected my parent's memories by just using that girl like that. When I turned 21 I started dating the girl that worked as a bartender at KC's. Her name was Anna. She was nice but we weren't meant to be or anything. It was more of something to pass the time for both of us. Rachel flitted in and out of my life a few times but then the most recent you know about, Nicole, and we both know how much of a bastard I was to her."

"Luke, no" she interrupts. "Nicole cheated on you, that wasn't your fault."

"You don't understand Lorelai" she looks up and sees how sad he looks and he downs the rest of the beer, sitting the empty bottle on the table. Looking at him and asking him with her eyes to continue, she finishes her beer as well.

"She told me that we should have kids that it would bond us and fix our problems and we could be a family and I wouldn't have to be so sad anymore," he laughs bitterly. "I didn't give it my all that's why she cheated on me."

"Did you love her?" she asks laying her feet in his lap.

She feels him take off her shoes and looks over at him. He is fully concentrated on her left foot and is gliding his big hands along the sides careful not to tickle her.

"I wish I could say I did but I can't." We shouldn't have gotten married. Do you remember telling me how you wanted your whole package" nodding she watches him continue. "I guess that's what I want too, and I could have had it with Nicole but it wouldn't have been fair to either of us or any children. I guess I want it, but I want it with someone who doesn't want to change me and who I trust and who trusts me."

She tries to hold it back but she can feel it rising from the depths of her soul. Letting out a gut-wrenching sob she covers her face with her hands and cries out. " Oh God Luke, what am I going to do?" She feels him pull her into his lap and wrap his arms around her. Sobbing she buries herself as far into his flannel as she can and whispers "I can never have my middle now."

.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing Gilmore Girls related, not even a box set cause I'm poor!!

Summary: After receiving bad news, Lorelai realizes the true extent of her friendships she has made in Stars Hollow.

Rating is T but mostly just for language. Please keep in mind that this is my first ever fanfic and that I do not have a BETA so some mistakes may be found…plus I suck at punctuation!!

itzcheeseball : glad I have you hooked hope that continues lol! I'm trying to keep at least 2 chapters ahead of what I'm posting that way I can make changes if something comes up without hitting the dreaded writers block and making people wait longer - hope it works lol!

Copop : No one will die in this story it is going to a story about true friendships. As for my use of tense in my stories I know I'm horrible. Thats why I decided to start writing a fanfic. I have my degree in Psychology so all I have ever had to do was research papers, it has been a long time since I wrote a story story. Ive been out of school for quite awhile so I wanted to polish my skills if you will. Also I hope it doesn't put you off reading this story because I am trying to make my writing better but I just don't notice tense I can think my story is perfect but it can be still full of mistakes...but I am trying!!

Chapter 4

After about 15 minutes Lorelai felt her sobs starting to subside and she looked up into Luke's eyes. "I'm sorry Luke." She sees it in his eyes, he is so worried about her but doesn't know what to say.

"Please Lorelai, I know this has to be bad if you haven't told Rory, let me help you. Talk to me, we can tell her together if you want."

"I don't know how to tell you this Luke, so please just bare with me and don't interrupt. This is so hard and I've been struggling with this for weeks now and I just have to get it out and if you interrupt me I'll break and I wont be able to say it all." She looks down as Luke intertwines their fingers and pulls her closer so she is resting into him.

"No interruptions I swear" he says kissing her forehead.

The feeling of his lips is more than she can bare and she wraps herself tighter around him. "I can't look at you while I talk Luke, please just hold me. So here goes. You obviously remember our conversation about how I long to have my middle. I'll never have that now. I never thought Rory would be an only child or that I would be alone like I am now going slowly crazy in my house. I always thought I would find the right person and have a husband and another child. I always saw myself having a boy later in life and getting to experience the differences between a boy and a girl. I guess that's why I latched on to Max so much; I thought he could provide me with that. I was finally going to get it right, marriage first and then the child. Don't get me wrong I love Rory and don't regret one second of that. I just wanted it in that order. I couldn't marry Max though. I guess I just realized what you ended up realizing about Nicole. It wasn't worth it if it wasn't right."

Taking a deep breath she continued and felt Luke draw her closer. "I found out a few weeks ago that I might have cancer, and it was confirmed last week" she feels him tense around her and then if possible pull her closer. She hurries to continue before he can say anything. "It's okay Luke. They told me I have a 99% chance of surviving the surgery but in order to get rid of the cancer I have to have a hysterectomy. I'll never be able to have children again." With that she turns and buries her face in his neck and grips his flannel in both hands pulling him to her. She has fully wrapped herself around him and he is holding her and she feels him crying. He is whispering in her ear. She can barely focus on the words, he is rubbing her neck and running his hands through her hair. She hears 'it will be okay' and 'you're the bravest woman I know'…'so strong'….'you amaze me'.

She looks up at him and he wipes her tears away. "How are you Lorelai?" he asks with so much concern in his voice.

"I'm okay 99% is a good number right" she lets out a forced laugh.

"Lorelai" he says cupping her face "how are you?"

She sniffs and looks him in his soft blue eyes. She sees so much emotion there that it breaks her. "Um, physically I'm a little dizzy sometimes and I get these really bad cramps like I'm on my period" she winces knowing how uncomfortable Luke can get with 'women issues' but sees no change of expression on his face. He is looking at her with such understanding and patience, no trace of pity as she was expecting.

"Um, emotionally I'm kind of a basket case. I, uh, I don't know how to process this; there's so much to think about. I'm scared. I'm scared of telling my daughter, of going into surgery, of feeling incomplete after this is done. I think the worst part of it is, is that they keep giving me more and more information and I need to make all these decisions. I have to make a will, and figure out if I want to freeze my eggs, or have a surrogate, I have to figure out how this will effect Rory's education, and the building of the Dragonfly. This operation is so expensive and I don't want my parents paying for it. I know it sounds stupid, but I just can't have this hanging over my head for the rest of my life, you know?"

Her rant has taken a lot out of her, it was exhausting having all these thoughts running through her head, and the doctors adding on to her stress with their different treatment plans, and surgeries, and options for recovery and her future. She had been shouldering it alone for so long that it felt good to be able to take the weight off her shoulders for just one moment and let someone else in. She felt Luke shift and she looked up from her hands that had been unconsciously playing with the fabric near his shirt buttons. Looking up into his eyes she smiled. It was a sad but genuine smile.

"I wish I knew what to do, or what to say Lorelai." He says while stroking her face with one hand and tangling the fingers of his other hand in her hair.

"There's nothing you can do or say Luke, but just you being here and listening to me means the world to me, but um I think I should go home Luke, I'm pretty tired. I know I said I would stay here but…"

"Lorelai we agreed you were going to stay here and you will do just that." She feels him shift and she stands up and he takes her hand and stands with her. Holding her hand tightly he walks to his dresser and pulls out a t-shirt and pair of boxers. Seeing them in his hand she giggles and blushes a bit.

"I always thought your boxers would be flannel."

"Well it's nice to know you think about me and my underwear," he says looking down at their joined hands than back up into her eyes. "Bathroom, go" he says giving her a small push in the direction of the bathroom and releasing her hand.

He watches her exit the bathroom as he puts some blankets on the couch for himself. While she has been in the bathroom he has put new sheets on his bed, and turned down the comforter for her. He watches her climb into the bed and look over at him.

He is startled from his thoughts when he hears her call his name. Looking over she looks between the bed and him. "Luke, please, can you um hold me tonight?"

Wordlessly, he walks from the couch and climbs in beside Lorelai. He settles on his back and feels her fit into the curve of his arm and lay her head on his chest. He leans over her and turns off the light noticing for the first time that it is long past midnight, thankful that it is Ceasar's turn to open tomorrow.

He hears her breathing evening out but can't stop thinking about something she said. "Hey Lorelai," he whispers.

She lifts her head enough to look at him and he starts to stroke her hair before continuing. "I think we should have a baby. We could have a baby Lorelai, and it would have your beauty and strength and hopefully my eating habits. I would be there for you both everyday Lorelai, we could make it work. We could find a surrogate" he is now brushing the tears from her face as he continues to talk. "All I want is to see you happy, I would give you the world if I could."

She lays her head back down on his chest and whispers "you'd be such a good father Luke. I'd want him to have your eyes Luke, your eyes and your smile." He continues to stroke her hair and realizes that she has fallen asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own nothing Gilmore Girls related, not even a box set cause I'm poor!!

Summary: After receiving bad news, Lorelai realizes the true extent of her friendships she has made in Stars Hollow.

Rating is T but mostly just for language. Please keep in mind that this is my first ever fanfic and that I do not have a BETA so some mistakes may be found…plus I suck at punctuation!!

calleighsthebest and Daisyangel : glad you're enjoying. Hopefully I will be updating regularly enough for everyone to keep reading this

Copop : I will consider finding a beta, but right now I don't even know how to go about doing it. As for the surrogate vs Lorelai things will be explained in upcoming chapters but I'm hoping to get to those parts soon but I need to do some filler chapters of her telling other people.

Amosthegreat : I'm glad you have the 'gut feeling' about this story lol! It makes me happy every time I review it so I'm hoping thats a good thing!

DramaQueen1103: Luke does the comforting best, if only I could find my own Luke!! (Though I think we all secretly and not so secretly are hoping for that lol!)

Chapter 5

He woke to find the sun in his eyes, and his best friend lying in his arms. Closing his eyes he slowly remembered the events of last night. His beautiful Lorelai, normally so strong had looked so small and broken. He sighed and looked down at her, her head in the crook of his neck, her right leg carelessly thrown over his and her hand resting on his partially exposed stomach. He breathed in the scent of her hair as he pulled her tighter and closed his eyes. He doubted sleep would come again for him, but knew it was to early for Lorelai to wake up.

She was basking in the feel of his arms, wrapped so securely around her body. It had been a long time since she had felt strong arms holding her tight, yet it was the first time ever she had felt so safe and secure. She felt him pull her closer and she knew he was thinking about the events of last night. How could he not be, she thought to her self. Last night she had finally disclosed a huge secret she had been keeping for weeks. She felt a colossal weight had lifted from her shoulders. She didn't know how she would be able to tell her daughter, but knowing that she had Luke to support her made everything seem better. She felt him slowly shift towards her, and realized he knew she was awake. Looking down at her hand that must have given away the fact that she was awake, she realized she had been caressing the flat surface of his stomach, and by the feel of how warm her hand, and his stomach were, it must have been for awhile.

"Good morning" she whispered, blushing on the inside as she thought about how soft his skin was, and how toned his body felt under her fingers.

"Morning" he whispered back hoarsely.

"I, I, um have to, you know" she stuttered, nodding her head in the direction of the bathroom.

"Oh, uh, yea. There's an extra toothbrush under the sink and if you want to have a shower there are some clean towels in the basket over there" he said releasing his grip on her.

"Thanks Luke" waiting to be released she realized that it was her that was tangled in Luke's embrace and that she would have to be the one to remove herself from him. Slowly she lifted herself from his body, and slipped out of the bed. Stopping to grab a towel she looked back at him before closing the bathroom door. He was lying there watching her with a look on his face. She wasn't sure what it was but she was glad to see it wasn't one of pity. Looking down slightly she looked at the expanse of skin that was once home to her hand and saw how fit Luke was. Feeling a surge of embarrassment she looked down, smiling slightly and turned and closed the bathroom door.

Hearing the shower start up, Luke slowly got out of bed and stretched. He was quite surprised to find that after drinking so much, he didn't have a hangover. Assuming that the mood of last night had somehow sobered him he walked over to the kitchen to start preparing breakfast. Not knowing if Lorelai was supposed to change her diet or not, but knowing that all that alcohol was probably not the best idea for her in her condition, he decided to stick with a more traditional breakfast for her, but with a healthy flair.

As he is platting the food, and setting it on the table he hears the bathroom door open and realizes he has been so deep in his thoughts that he didn't even hear the shower stop. Lorelai, wearing only a towel emerges slowly from the bathroom looking somewhat embarrassed.

"Um, I just forgot to take what I was wearing yesterday into the bathroom with me" she says pointing to her skirt and blouse from the day before.

"Why don't you change out here and then come eat some breakfast. I didn't know what to make so I made some fruit salad", he sees her look of distain and continues, "and if you eat it I will make you some chocolate chip and banana pancakes".

"Sounds good," she says blushing at how well he knows her. She watches him enter the bathroom and sneaks over and steals a piece of grape out of the bowl of fruit salad. Walking over to the couch where her clothes from yesterday were laid out she proceeds to get dressed before Luke can come out and get an eyeful. She then proceeds to find the brush in her purse and starts to slowly try to tame her hair.

Luke emerges a short time later from the torture that was his shower. Even though the soap and shampoo were non-scented just the way he liked them, Lorelai had still managed to leave her sweet smell all throughout the bathroom. It was a combination of strawberries, vanilla, and something distinctly Lorelai. Opening the door, he saw Lorelai sitting at the table with an almost empty bowl of fruit salad in front of her. Smirking he thinks he shouldn't be so disappointed that she ate all of it, even though it was meant for both of them. Lorelai and fruit don't mix so it was a good thing that she had managed to eat as much as she had, besides leave a hungry Lorelai in front of any food, and no matter what it was it was mostly likely to be devoured.

Going straight to the stove, he turns on the burner and begins to mix the batter. When he had all the pancakes made he takes the plate and sits at the table. Taking four off the stack and handing them to Lorelai, he keeps the other two for himself. He looks at her pouting while staring at her pancakes and gets up and goes to the cupboard. Pulling down a small jar of corn syrup he sees her smile. After watching her drown her pancakes he pours a small drizzle onto his and begins to eat.

"You, but, what, but that's bad for you, it could _kill_ you" she stutters out.

"On the rare occasion that I eat pancakes I have to have corn syrup, it's how my mom always made them", he says before taking a bite. She smiles at that and begins eating her pancakes.

"So, uh, I know this is a hard subject for you, but could we talk about last night?" he says looking up from his breakfast.

"What do you want to know?" she asks looking down.

"You don't have to talk about it with me anymore if you don't want to, but I'm kind of wondering medically what's going on. What have they tried so far, are there any other options?" he says quietly.

"No, no it's fine. Um, it started a few weeks ago I wasn't feeling good and I finally went to see the doctor. They did a whole bunch of tests and told me they would call me within the next few days just to go over the results. So two days later I get a call to go back in, and right then I knew something was wrong. Why waste both of our times having me come down if nothings wrong, right? So uh, they told me I have cancer but that it would be treatable, is that a word, I think it is but it sounds funny, anyways. So yea, they told me that they had medication that would most likely get rid of it, but if not it was operable but that I wouldn't be able to have children in that case. So we tried the medication but I had some sort of allergic reaction to it and so it only left one other option". She had been talking quite quickly up until this point but had slowed down taking a calming breath, trying to fight back the tears. Luke reached over and took her hand, stroking it slowly with his long fingers.

Taking a deep breath she continued more slowly. "So that was last week that I stopped taking that medication. I had another appointment with the specialist to see if it had helped any while I was taking it, because even though I had to stop it quite quickly, it's a pretty strong drug and it was possible that it shrunk it. So I went to see my specialist yesterday and it has shrunk a bit but not much. So I have my procedure scheduled for three weeks from now. She told me to take this weekend to have my breakdown, get drunk, scream you know that kind of thing. I think she was joking but I kind of took it seriously as you can see from last night" she says trying to joke off the situation. She looks up from their hands and into his eyes and sees that look again. It bothers her that she can't identify the look but is glad for his support.

"So what happens now," he asks gently.

"Well now I have three weeks to prepare for the surgery. No more medications or anything. I have to tell Rory, and Sookie. I don't know if I'm going to tell anyone else. I want to tell my parents but after last night it seems pretty hard, but that's a story for another day" she laughs slightly. "After the surgery I will have to be off my feet for about three days but I will most likely be staying at the hospital for them, then I have to take it easy and have someone there with me to help me out for a little bit. After that I'm back to normal, as normal as I possibly can be" she says laughing again.

"Well I know Rory will probably still be in school when you come back from the hospital so I will take care of you" he sees her opening her mouth to speak and puts up his other hand to stop her. "I don't want to hear it Lorelai, it's non negotiable. "Um, I just, um" he stumbles not knowing how to bring it up again. "What about what we talked about last night"?

She gets up quickly pulling her hands to herself and walks over to the door and grabs her purse. "I really appreciate everything you did for me, and do for me Luke, but I was out of line to even bring that up and I apologize. I really have to go though," she says opening the door.

She has been so quick he hasn't even had time to stand up. Seeing the door about to close he bolts out of his chair and quickly grabs the door knob, pulling her slightly back in the door. "Lorelai" he says, "I meant every word I said okay, just keep that in mind" he says brushing his fingers along her cheek. She hugs him and says thanks and rushes down the stairs before he can say anything else. He is stunned by how quickly she can run away, but realizes this is how she tries to deal with everything, with her out of sight out of mind mentality.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own nothing Gilmore Girls related, not even a box set cause I'm poor!!

OMGOMGOMGOMG I'm so excited. I have been trying to post this for like 2 weeks now and kept getting weird errors. I finally sent it off to the website helpdesk but I still hadn't heard back so I randomly decided to try to post it again and it worked YAY! Okay, so while I wasn't able to post I worked a little bit more on this story on my laptop and on some other things I may post now or when this story is finished. But expect updates more often than this last time...unless I have issues again.....Sorry for the wait!

Chapter 6

Stepping out the back door of the diner into the alleyway, Lorelai realizes the quicker she handles the situation the better it will be. Grabbing her cellphone out of her purse she quickly hits speed dial 1 and puts the phone to her ear.

"Morning sweets" she chirps into the phone after hearing Rory answer. "Yes Mommy does know its early, but I really need to talk to you, can you come home ASAP?" she says as she walks home, taking the longer route that most people avoid in exchange for Main Street. She doesn't want to be seen by the townspeople, even though her car is still parked in front of Luke's, she assumes that if asked she can always say she walked home last night instead of driving.

"It's more of an in person conversation Sweets," she says answering Rory's question of why it can't be discussed on the phone. She can hear how tense Rory is when she responds. "Okay baby, I'll see you in half an hour, and don't speed okay? Alright, love you too, bye" she says walking up her driveway while closing her phone. Knowing she doesn't have much time Lorelai lets herself into the house and starts to straighten up.

Before she realized it, half an hour had passed and Rory came rushing through the door. "Mom what's going on, why did it sound bad, is someone hurt, are you okay, are Grandma and Grandpa okay" she said wrapping her arms around her mother.

"Okay Sweets, lets go sit down and I'll tell you what's going on," she says leading Rory over to the couch and sitting down beside her. Taking Rory's hand she proceeded to tell her about what had happened over the last few weeks and how she had broke down last night and told Luke.

Rory had been crying freely throughout this and had a strong grip on her mother's hands. She was shocked at how her mother had been hiding this from her and everyone for weeks, but quite hurt that she had told Luke first. "You told Luke before you told me, why Mom?"

Lorelai could see how hurt this had made Rory and pulled her closer to her so that Rory was sitting with her head leaning on Lorelai's shoulder.

"I didn't really mean to tell him Sweets, it just kind of came out. I just needed a release. I just wanted to feel normal. I was planning on telling you, but every time I went to say it I just couldn't."

"It's okay Mom" Rory says interrupting. "I'm glad you told someone and Luke has always been there for us so it makes sense that it was him. You know I love Luke, its just, it hurts Mom, I can't lose you."

At that moment there was a knock at the door and the door opened slowly and Luke poked his head in. Upon entering and seeing the looks on both of their faces he starts to apologize and turn towards the kitchen hurrying by them.

"I'm really sorry to interrupt Lorelai, I just, uh, got some groceries and stuff for you. I'm just going to put this stuff in the fridge and then I'll go I promise."

"Luke its okay, can you come back in here when you're done please?" Lorelai asks.

A few minutes later, Luke cautiously walks into the room and stands in the living room doorway.

"Luke, come sit down for a minute" Lorelai says.

Luke slowly enters and goes to sit down beside Rory. Before he has the chance Rory throws herself into his arms crying. He sits them down on the couch and strokes her hair and pulls her closer to him.

"Rory" Lorelai says carefully, waiting for her daughter to look up at her. Upon seeing her daughter peeking up at her she continues. "You are not going to lose me. I can't be lost. I'm loud and obnoxious and I like to be the center of attention. I can always be found baby, just follow the smell of the coffee and I'll be there," she says smiling.

They are now sitting so Rory is sandwiched in between them. "As for you" she directs at Luke, "seeing as you are my main dealer, and you have the best stuff in town, I ain't goin nowhere" she says with attitude, laughing.

"Now I know you have questions Sweets, so just ask okay. No stupid questions here."

It takes her a few minutes to calm herself but then Rory turns fully to her mother, with her back resting gently against Luke. "Well you basically told me everything medically related so what do you have to do for you, what can I do for you to help you through this?"

A tear runs down Lorelai's face and she smiles. "God I'm so lucky to have a kid like you. Um, well the biggest thing I have to do now is talk to Sookie. I don't know how this is going to affect us in opening the Dragonfly. There are going to be a lot of costs involved with the surgery and stuff so it's going to be a set back. But this is our dream and I'm not going to let this interfere. What I really want to do is spend the day with my beautiful daughter watching stupid movies and pigging out on junk food before she has to go back to school tomorrow" she looks at Rory and holds her hand up to stop her from interrupting. "Rory I know you're going to want to take time off school for this but it's not an option. You just started back to school again and I know you will have lots of assignments and all the pressures from starting your first year of University. I have Luke, and I know I will have Sookie to help out around here so don't try to argue with me."

"Okay, on one condition" Rory interrupts her.

"And what would that be?" Lorelai asks.

"The day before and the day of surgery I will not be going to class, and you don't keep anything from me, no matter how small. If you don't feel good, you tell me. If you just need someone to cuddle with and watch stupid movies, you call me. You just told me no stupid questions, well, there will be no stupid requests. Okay?" she says hugging her mom.

"Okay," Lorelai says tears running down her face. "I love you so much kid."

Sensing that Lorelai needs a little bit of time to herself, Rory stands and smiles at her mom and Luke. "I'm going to run to the video store and get some junk food. I'll be back in half an hour and we will mock the hell out of those movies!"

Lorelai gets up and hugs her daughter close to her. "Sounds good Kid, so back in 20?"

"Yep, I'm just going to run to the bathroom and then I will be back with the most mockable movies ever!"

"Most mockable movies, this should be good!" she says smiling at her daughter.

Rory leans down and hugs Luke and whispers in her ear 'take care of her Luke, please', and then heads towards the kitchen.

They stay in the same spots they were in until they hear the door close and then they meet in the middle. Lorelai leaning down to meet Luke, and Luke standing to meet Lorelai. It's awkward, but they melt into each other and Luke gets them standing while pulling her tightly against himself.

"I'm going to go make you guys something to eat so that you have something a little healthy amongst your junk food, okay?" he says while stroking her hair.

"Can I watch?" she asks pulling back and looking into his eyes.

"Sure" he says taking her hand and leading her to the kitchen.

It had been a good day, Lorelai thought as she lay down in her bed waiting for sleep to take over. Luke had made chicken parmesan with lots of leftovers, even by Gilmore Girls standards. She and Rory had watched hours of mindless drama, and finally had decided it was time for bed. Knowing that tomorrow would be the day she would have to tell Sookie, Lorelai felt a knot form in her stomach. She was not going to let this illness stand in the way of her and Sookie's dreams.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I own nothing Gilmore Girls related, not even a box set cause I'm poor!!

Summary: After receiving bad news, Lorelai realizes the true extent of her friendships she has made in Stars Hollow.

Rating is T but mostly just for language. Please keep in mind that this is my first ever fanfic and that I do not have a BETA so some mistakes may be found…plus I suck at punctuation!!

Apparently last time I didn't do authors notes to everyone individually like I normally do...sorry about that. I was just so frustrated with not being able to upload the story I didn't notice.

Calleighsthebest - glad you're enjoying and finding I'm handling the topic well, I'm having some trouble with ch 8 in regards to that but it should be up soon.

Copop – Luke always to the rescue lol...if only there was a real Luke out there living maybe in my neighbourhood lol

Daisyangel – I know what you mean about the frustration, like they still haven't answered my email 2 weeks later Grr. Hopefully it was a site wide error that is corrected now and not something I will run into again.

On with the show (oh and don't forget to check out my 2 new stories I just uploaded!!)

Chapter 7

Standing in front of Sookie's door, Lorelai felt nervous. How was she supposed to tell her best friend what had been going on for the last few weeks. Sookie would be inconsolable. Sookie was not usually invited to movie nights because she would get so involved in the movie that she would be crying constantly. You can't mock a movie correctly if you have someone sitting beside you bawling their eyes out. So how was she supposed to tell her this news, news that would affect her personally? She jumped back a foot putting her hand to her heart as Jackson opened the front door.

"Sorry Lorelai, didn't mean to scare you. The kids have been crying and putting up a fuss, we must not have heard the doorbell, I just noticed you standing there. You know you can let yourself in next time, probably the best thing to do, you know?" Jackson said while holding the door open for her.

"Thanks Jackson, I didn't even have time to ring the doorbell, that's why you startled me. I guess your turning into a mind reader," she said laughing.

"Wouldn't that be nice," Jackson said with a chuckle. "Sookie is in the kitchen fixing up brunch for you guys. I'm going to take the kids to the park today. They were excited last night but today they are crying their eyes out."

Seeing Davey out of the corner of her eye, Lorelai turns to talk to him. "Davey, I hear Daddy is taking you to the park. I bet if you're good he'll get you some ice cream. Taylor has this new flavour, choco-banana-puff, it's my new favourite." She watches as Davey's eyes light up, and she turns to Jackson. "Trust me," she whispers, "if you get him excited about something, his excitement will rub off on Martha, and she will be excited to go to."

"Daddy, ice cream ice cream, I want ice cream! Please?" Davey shouts.

"Go get ready and tell Martha that if you're both good you will get ice cream," Jackson says watching as Davey starts running around looking for everyone's coats and shoes.

Lorelai slowly entered the kitchen. The apprehension of having to tell her best friend was knawing at her insides slowly. As she looked up she saw the mountains of food Sookie had planned for their meeting, and thinking for the first time ever that she wasn't really that hungry.

"Oh, I'm so glad you're here. I made a new type of croissant and I think when we get up and running at the Dragonfly we should have it as one of the everyday breakfast foods," Sookie exclaimed excitedly.

"Sounds good Sookie. How about you set up a plate for me of all the _new_ items," she stressed the word new, "and I will try those while we talk?"

Sookie turns and looks at her fully. She can hear it in Lorelai's tone that something is wrong and it worries her. Lorelai has been acting a little off for the last few weeks but brushes it off every time someone brings it up.

"Okay," Sookie says plating a croissant, a muffin and some french toast onto a plate and handing it to her. "Sit, sit, lets talk," Sookie says while sitting down across the table from her with her own plate overflowing with food.

At that moment, Jackson walks into the kitchen with Martha in his arms, and Davey pulling on his sleeve. "Okay guys, we're off to the park. Do you need me to pick anything up on the way home?"

"No, I think we're good, thanks hun," Sookie says leaning up to give him a kiss. "Okay, kiddo's, you be good at the park and you can help me cook supper tonight."

Lorelai had to stop listening to the conversation. She hated it, but she was jealous of her best friend. At 34, Sookie had been married for 5 years to a great guy, had a beautiful 4 year old son, and a precious 3 year old daughter. She wanted to have that whole package as well, and was sad that at 35, she had yet to accomplish it.

The sound of the front door slamming brought Lorelai out of her thoughts. She looked at Sookie who had a worried look on her face, and she smiled slightly to reassure her. She picked off a piece of the croissant and popped it in her mouth. Her eyes closed in appreciation as she moaned slightly.

"Oh my God Sookie, what is this, it's amazing!" she asked while popping a larger piece in her mouth.

"It's a four cheese, and ham croissant. I'm pretty excited about it, they could be served alone or with an egg on it. But that is besides the point, you're not going to side track me today with food stuff, tell me what's going on hunny." Sookie says while eyeing her suspiciously.

"You know me too well, Sook, too well," Lorelai says while looking down at her plate. "Alright, here's the thing. There are a lot of things I need to say and I'm really nervous so I need you to not interrupt me until I'm done, Okay?" she asks looking back up at Sookie.

Sookie is working her lip between her teeth and looking alarmed. "Honey, you're really scarring me but I promise I won't interrupt," she says pushing her plate away from her.

"It started a couple of weeks ago, I was getting really sick so I went to the doctor," Lorelai says looking down at her hands then back up at her friend. "I want you to know that I am going to be fine, but I have cancer." Looking up, she sees Sookie covering her mouth with her hand and tears filling her eyes. She quickly proceeds before Sookie can say anything.

"Sook, I promise you I am going to be fine. I have to have a hysterectomy in a few weeks but other than that I am fine. I know this will sound weird but I think it's because I've had some time to process this, but I don't really want to focus on the health issues. I want to focus on how this will affect us in opening the Dragonfly."

Sookie looks up at her shocked. She stands and starts to pace the kitchen. "The Dragonfly Lorelai, the Dragonfly!" she spouts off angrily. "You just told me you have cancer and I'm supposed to start thinking about the fucking Dragonfly!" She is shaking and tears are streaming down her face. In a flash Lorelai is up and holding her friend to her, rubbing her back.

"Hey, hey" Lorelai says pulling back some and brushing the hair off of Sookie's face behind her ear. "I really am going to be fine Sook. It's not like I want to have a hysterectomy, but once the procedure is over the cancer will be gone. I can't get stuck on the part about cancer, I need to move on and focus on other things or I am going to go crazy," Lorelai says as she brushes some of the tears out of her eyes. "Here" she says taking Sookie's hand, "lets sit back down again," she says leading her back to the table.

They sit at the table and after a minute Sookie looks up at Lorelai. "I'm sorry Lorelai, I have no right to react the way I did. If you need to focus on something else we will, but I want to make sure you know that you are more important to me than the Dragonfly ever will be," she says reaching over and taking Lorelai's hand

"I know, I know Sookie. I feel the same way about you," Lorelai says while squeezing Sookie's hand from across the table.

"Like I said, I've had time to process this and I am worried about finances and it's something I have to figure out. Where we're not working and have put all of our savings into the Dragonfly, not to mention all of the loans we have gotten I don't know what's going to happen. I'm worried about this Sook. We have invested a lot into the Dragonfly and I'm not going to have the money to keep putting into the Dragonfly because I will have my medical bills."

"What about our medical plan from the Independence settlement?" Sookie says looking up at Lorelai. "Mia said that it wouldn't run out for a little while."

"That's something else I have to look into, if it will be covered or not. I'm assuming it won't be covered fully if I still have it available to me. We need to make this work Sook, I can't loose the Dragonfly too," Lorelai says while looking at Sookie desperation written across her features.

"Honey, we will make this work don't worry. Things may get tight but we can do it. We had the Dragonfly on a schedule for opening in about 6 months, right? Well let's push it back a little bit more. That way we can probably work something out with Tom to make labour a bit cheaper, it will give us more time to do some of the little stuff like painting and sewing stuff ourselves, and it will give us more time to explore our options so we can get better bargains on furniture and appliances and stuff. We can have Jackson work on the gardens and landscaping for free for us, and Luke can probably help out with smaller repairs and touch ups." Seeing the look on Lorelai's face at the mention of Luke, she continues.

"Honey, Luke loves you and wants the best for you, he would do anything he could to help you," she says while watching Lorelai smile slightly and look down at the half eaten croissant on her plate.

"God Sook, I told him the other night. I just kind of burst and it all came tumbling out. You wouldn't believe how great he was. He just held me and said he would be there every step of the way," she blushes slightly remembering the way his arms felt on her, and how she had dreamt all night about a little Luke running around the diner dressed like his daddy.

"You're not telling me something, something happened it's written all over your face," Sookie squeaks out excitedly. "Oh my God, you slept with him. Oh God Lorelai, your children would be beautiful!" As soon as she says it she clamps her hands over her mouth trying to take back the words, tears filling her eyes.

"Shit Lorelai, Oh my God, I'm so sorry I wasn't thinking. I can't believe I just said that. Oh my God, how insensitive am I, I can't believe…"

The feel of Lorelai squeezing her hand interrupted Sookie's diatribe. "It's okay Sook, it kind of was what I was thinking about. No we did not sleep together, but," she works her lip between her teeth. Sookie squeezes her hand reassuringly asking silently for her to continue.

"He told me we could get a surrogate and have a baby. He said it was up to me but that we could have a baby together. God Sook, all night I dreamt of little Luke's in their flannel and backwards baseball caps, and little girls who have him wrapped around their little fingers," she says looking dreamily at the ceiling.

"Well are you going to, what did you say, Lorelai snap out of it and tell me," Sookie says waving her hands in front of Lorelai's face.

Shaking her head, Lorelai snaps out of it and looks at Sookie. "Well when he mentioned it I was almost asleep. I vaguely remember telling him that I wanted the baby to have his eyes and smile and that's the last thing I remember so I guess I fell asleep. He tried to bring it up the next morning but I freaked out and left. God Sook, he's one of my best friends I couldn't have a baby with him. Think how confusing that would be for the child, or when later we wanted to date someone how we would explain it."

"Lorelai, I think you and Luke are perfect for each other, and before you interrupt me let me continue. He has been there all along and pretty much helped you raise Rory and I would be willing to bet that when you pictured those little girls in your dream, that they looked a lot like Rory. Honey, even if you didn't get together, it wouldn't matter. Any one who wanted to be in yours, or his life would be willing to understand, and those who didn't weren't meant to be.

"Sook, it's not that simple…" Lorelai says but is cut off when Martha comes barrelling into the room.

Lorelai looks down at her and laughs. Her face is covered in ice cream, and she is smiling ear to ear. Jackson walks in behind her and scoops her up and heads to the sink.

"Forgot to bring the wetnaps, sorry if we interrupted," he says while wiping the ice cream off of his squirming daughter.

"Actually," Lorelai says leaning over and playing with Martha's toes, "I have to go. I have a ton of stuff I have to look into today so I really need to head back and get started. Thanks for the talk Sook," she says stuffing the last of the croissant into her mouth.

"Gosh Sook, barely anything got eaten. Here, at least let me box some of this up for you," Jackson says taking out a large tupperware container and placing a little bit of everything in it for Lorelai.

"Thanks for the talk Sook," Lorelai says, hugging her. She moves next to Jackson taking the tupperware in one hand, and hugging him with her other arm.

"Are you okay," he whispers in her ear.

"Yea, I'm going to be fine, Sookie can tell you later" she says rubbing his back and then stepping away.

"Okay, see you later guys, bye kiddo's," she says to Martha and Davey who were playing in the corner of the kitchen.

"Bye Aunty Lorelai," they almost said in unison. Laughing, Lorelai turned and headed out the back door, tupperware in hand.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I own nothing Gilmore Girls related, not even a box set cause I'm poor!!

**Author's Note: Okay, so I have been waiting to post more towards any of my stories because I am trying to find a BETA but having no luck. I have decided to keep posting to True Blue without a BETA, but my other 2 stories are going to be on hold for a bit until I have one. So if someone happens to want to volunteer for the job of BETA I would love it! Also if you have read Thunder (or want to) please leave me a review because I would really like to do at least one more chapter but am struggling with what I could write about. Anyways, on with the show as they say**

Chapter 8

Almost a week had passed since Lorelai had told Sookie about her situation. Phone calls had been made, research had been completed, yet Lorelai still didn't know up from down. So many thoughts had been swirling around in her mind that she could hardly sit still.

Her first call had been to her medical insurance company to see when her policy expired. Lucky for her, it didn't expire until the end of the month, just days after her surgery. The surgery would be covered, but any additional nights in the hospital, as well as any medications would be up to her. One piece of information played heavily on her mind. She had learned if she did decide to have her eggs removed it would be free as they could do it during the surgery, but there would be a cost for storing her eggs, or implanting them in a surrogate. Therefore, if she did decide to do this, the best bet would be to have a surrogate ready for the procedure. This had led to the next step, researching laws, cases, and a general FAQ of everything surrogate.

After reading everything she could find, Lorelai was still at a loss. Her biggest hang up was the cost. How could she put so much money into something when she had so many other financial obligations? The Dragonfly had taken all of her and Sookie's savings, as well as large amounts of bank loans that would need to be paid back, but every time Lorelai started leaning towards no she would start to remember what Sookie had said.

She kept picturing little Martha, her face covered in ice cream, being cleaned off by Jackson, but in her thoughts the image was slightly different. Lorelai pictured a little girl, quite similar to Rory, being cleaned up by her proud daddy. She never pictured Chris though, every image she had was of Luke. She knew that it was not a memory of days gone by, as she had not met Luke until Rory was almost 10. This image was clearly of what they could share, and that scared her.

Luke had always been a staple in Lorelai's life. He was there for everything. His down to earth nature had been what had drawn her to him. He hid it behind his grumpy façade, but everyone knew Luke took care of his own. Being that Luke had lost his family early, the town had adopted him, and though he wouldn't admit it he adopted them back.

Her first clear memory of him was of seeing him around the Independence Inn, helping Mia with the back porch. She had been playing with Rory outside of the potting shed and couldn't help but hear little pieces of the conversation that drifted down to her. Mia had been asking him what his plans for the day were and he had responded with a time-consuming list of chores he would be doing around town for the local citizens. Mia had laughed and said he needed to learn to take time for himself. She saw him smile shyly at Mia, but she had then turned her attention back to Rory who wanted to go back inside.

Her thoughts drifted in and out of reality. The things he had done for Rory and herself over the years were staggering, and the amount of things she pictured him involved in, in the future was even greater. She had to wonder though, could this work? Could her and Luke actually have a child together as friends? There were so many questions to consider. How would they explain their situation to others, let alone the child? Where would the child live, would it be a shared custody type of thing? What about later when one wanted to date, how would they explain the situation to the potential suitor? How would the other parent react to new person entering their family?

That part got to her. She kept thinking of how Sookie mentioned Luke dating. God she hated that. She knew if they pursued this that neither of them would take it lightly and the idea of introducing someone new into the picture would only happen when they were serious. The idea of Luke dating hurt her. She had been so jealous of Rachel. Yes, she could admit it, well at least to herself. The idea of Rachel making Luke happy made her angry, and it shouldn't have. It wasn't so much her making him happy, but how she would make him happy. Seeing her working in the diner wearing his flannel had bothered her.

Nicole was another story. Luke had married her. Married her! God, she was a lawyer, what was he thinking? Nicole had been totally wrong for him. Lorelai liked to see herself as a fair person who gave everyone the benefit of the doubt, but when it came to Nicole, she had nothing pleasant to say.

Looking back she realized that both Rachel and Nicole would be obstacles for her. Rachel had turned into a friend, so that made things easier. She would still be able to spend time with Luke without worry that he would have to choose his girlfriend over his friendship with her. Nicole on the other hand, was not, and would not, ever be a friend of Lorelai's. Nicole clearly staked her claim and no woman was allowed near Luke. Luke was her best friend, how was she supposed to let him go? Would the same thing happen again in the future, but with a child caught in the middle? The thoughts swirling around in her head were giving her a headache and she knew that she needed to get out of her house, and out of her head, before she went crazy. Deciding it was now or never, she knew she had to talk to Luke.


	9. Chapter 9

Hey everyone thanks for having patience with me. I have a BETA now so hopefully things will be looking up!! (thanks POTTERWORM!) I will be updating more often now that I have a BETA as long as our schedules can work things out. I did notice though that the BETA'd version was missing the last few lines so I just added them back on so hopefully it all makes sense. Thanks for all the reviews they definitly keep me wanting to continue!

Again, I don't own GG or anything really:D

Chapter 9

Lorelai entered the diner, clutching her file folder closely to her chest. Looking around at the near empty diner, she sat at her favorite table overlooking the town square and stared at the folder in her hands. Seeing Luke out of the corner of her eye, she smiled at him and mouthed _coffee._

After Luke brought her the coffee, she watched as he flipped the sign on the door to closed and informed the patrons that the kitchen was now closed. She could tell by the look on his face that he was nervous. She had been avoiding him now for close to a week, and an awkward tension filled the air.

After about 20 minutes, the last customer, Kirk, left the diner. Luke walked over, poured the last of the coffee pot into Lorelai's cup, and started to perform his nightly closing ritual. She watched over the rim of her cup as he stacked the chairs on top of the tables and then swept and mopped.

"I'm going to do the receipts in the morning," he said, interrupting her from her thoughts. She nodded and stood, placing the empty coffee cup on the counter and then walking behind the curtain. She heard Luke sigh, but continued walking up the stairs.

After opening the apartment door, she went to the kitchen table and sat. Luke walked in past her and went straight to the counter. After filling the kettle, he took down two mugs and a box of chamomile tea, and then looked at her. Screwing up her face at the box of tea, he just shook his head. She could tell he was about to say something when the whistle on the kettle screeched, breaking the silence in the room.

She watched as he filled the two cups, gingerly dragging the tea bags in and out of the cups. When he got the concoction right, he took the bags and laid them in the sink. Grabbing a bottle of honey, he set everything down on the table.

Lorelai accepted her tea and proceeded to pour a generous helping of honey in it. With that, she stirred the tea and placed the still honey-coated spoon into her mouth, moaning at the taste of such sweetness. After what felt like hours, she looked up at Luke who was patiently waiting for her to talk and slid him the file folder she had been clutching so tightly all night. Taking it, he looked at her, then the folder again, looking at her for confirmation, he opened it and flipped through a couple of the top pages.

He looked up at her, and then back down at the pages in front of him. "You've been busy," he said, after clearing his throat cautiously.

She looked at him, giving him an unsure smile. "So, I guess I need to know if you were serious," she said, looking at him and then biting her lip, "because I'll understand if you weren't. I'm not showing you all this to force you or anything, I just thought…" she trailed off then, knowing that she wasn't sure what she thought.

He stood up, pacing back and forth near the table. He looked at her and looked down again. 'Oh God,' Lorelai thought, 'he wasn't serious.' She went to stand up, but before she could, he took her hands and pulled her up to him.

"Lorelai, I have never been more serious in my life. I would do anything for you. I want to do this, but this is 100% your decision. Why don't you talk me through all this research, and ask me any questions you have, and then you can make your decision from there?"

'Wow,' she thought, 'he always manages to amaze me!' "Thanks Luke," she said, staring into his eyes. He brushed a hair from her face and there was a quick flicker of emotion on his face, but she couldn't read it. It was quick, but she knew she saw it and she wondered what it was. Pulling her to the couch, Luke and she sat, while she began to fill him in on the information she found.

After about an hour, Lorelai had covered all of the laws pertaining to surrogacy in Connecticut, the procedures, and information about the local surrogacy agency in Hartford. Luke's questions so far had been quite similar to the ones Lorelai had thought of, making it easier for her in her explanations. Lorelai had been trying to hold off, but now was the time to start moving towards the more personal aspects of the topic.

"Everything seems pretty laid out as far as the surrogacy goes, I guess things get more complicated when the baby comes. So I guess my question is what happens when the baby is born?" He was picking up steam, and she saw that this was turning into one of his famous rants.

God she loved when he ranted; he would become so passionate about a subject. It was one of the few times anyone got to see him speak more than a few words at a time. Most of the town probably thought he was quiet, yet quick-tempered, but Lorelai knew he was always thoughtful and passionate about everything.

Her thoughts were interrupted as he picked up steam. "Am I going to be involved? Are we going to share custody? Are you going to-" He stopped then, looking down at his feet. "Will the child know I'm its father?" He looked up at her, and she could see the fear written on his face. "It's okay if it doesn't, but-"

She interrupted him there; the look on his face killed her. How could he think she would do that to him? "Luke," she said, taking his hand. "Things will be tricky, and there is no set plan we can have for everything. A lot of things will have to be on a day-by-day basis. You need to know Luke, I will never keep the child from you, and it will know that you are its father.

All of a sudden, the room was filled with the sounds of Lorelai's cell phone. Squeezing his hand she said, "It's probably Rory." Letting go of his hand, she stood up and quickly grabbed her phone.

"Hey Kid, what's up? Yeah, I know it's late for a coffee run. How did you know I was here? _'My jeep is parked in front of the diner, I didn't think it took a Yale educated brain to figure that one out.' _Haha, funny. Just hold on a minute. I need to ask Luke something."

Luke, who had been listening to her side of the conversation, looked at her, waiting for her to continue.

Holding the phone to her chest so that Rory couldn't hear them, she spoke quietly, "So, um, Rory doesn't know about this aspect of the sickness, but I really need her input. I know we haven't really conclusively figured things out, but would it be alright for her to come up and join in the conversation?"

"Of course she can, Lorelai. I know you're not sure on what to do yet, but I'll support your decision no matter what it is. You know that I'm okay with this no matter what. You're my best friend, and I think we can make this work, but it's up to you." Quickly switching topics before Lorelai could respond, Luke added, "Tell her the key is above the doorframe. Tell her to let herself in, but to relock the door or Kirk will come back in. I swear he thinks he lives here," Luke muttered, trailing off from his diatribe.

"Hey, honey. Sorry about that," Lorelai said, taking the phone from her chest. "Luke says there's a key above the doorframe. Let yourself in, relock the door to keep crazy Kirk out, and then let yourself into the apartment. We're discussing something, and we need your input."

While waiting for Rory to enter, Luke washed out the teacups and stacked them neatly on the drying board. It had been deathly quiet, neither of them knowing how to handle the upcoming conversation. After a few moments, the sound of the bell chiming downstairs rang out in the silent building, and Rory's footsteps could be heard.

"Hey guys," Rory said questioningly, as she entered the room. "So what's up?"

"Come over here babe," Lorelai said beckoning her towards the couch. Luke remained leaning against the counter in front of the sink.

"Okay, so I'm just going to jump right into this, no decision has been made but Luke and I are considering having a child together via a surrogate. Of course your input in this is crucial but we have been talking about it."

Rory is surprisingly quick to respond. "Well when I researched your condition it was one of the things I found referenced a lot. I was actually coming to talk to you about that tonight." Taking her mother's hand, she continued. "I think you and Luke have the perfect relationship to make this work, sure things might get awkward at times but I think the end result would be worth it."

Lorelai, who had been on the verge of tears, began to cry. Luke who had been watching the exchange from across the room came over and sat behind Lorelai on the couch and rubbed her back as Rory hugged her.

"How about we go sit at the table and you can ask us some of your hard hitting journalistic question, hmm Rory? We'll never hash it all out, there will always be something that we forgot to discuss, or never thought to, but lets just talk and see what we come up with okay," Luke stated quietly.

"Sounds good to me" Rory said smiling.


	10. Chapter 10

**Gilmore Girls does not belong to me..enough said.**

**Thanks to everyone who is reviewing, I have done a lot of writing these past few days and will be sending everything off to my BETA Poterworm (thanks again for Beta-ing) and will post when I have stuff back. Copop – I have just started writing ch 14 and that is the chapter that really explains where I'm planning on going with the story. Hope you all enjoy!**

**Chapter 10**

It had been a long night. Lorelai, Luke, and Rory had stayed up until 3 in the morning discussing everything they could about the idea of the surrogacy. When Rory had fallen asleep at the table, they decided it was best to call it a night and talk about other concerns in the morning. It still wasn't decided, but Lorelai was pretty sure she knew what she wanted to do.

Lorelai couldn't help but think about how great a father Luke would be. Every little thing he did seemed to echo in Lorelai's mind lately, but when he picked up Rory from her chair at the table and laid her gently in his bed, she knew that things would work out if they did proceed with the surrogacy. Curling up tighter against her daughter, she couldn't help but smile looking over at the man sleeping on his tiny couch, allowing her and her daughter to share his be. Smiling to herself, she continued to think about the night.

It had been awkward, but they had all decided to let loose the questions and work through them as best they could. She was happy to have the weight of so many issues off her mind. The main topics had been about money, living arrangements, parental rights, and family obligations, as well as dating.

It had been decided quickly that they would split the costs of everything to do with the surrogacy equally. Lorelai had refused at first, but Luke had made it clear in no less than a five minute rant that he was involved in this too and would not be leaving Lorelai with all the bills. They had discussed what the insurance would cover, which wasn't much, but they were glad for the little help it would provide.

At that point, Rory had brought up the issues of finding a surrogate and what it cost from there. Lorelai had actually been prepared for this and took out some paperwork from her trusty file folder. The average surrogate from the Hartford agency would be paid $10,000, which included her medical exams and prenatal vitamins, plus regular groceries. If the family decided they wanted the woman to be on a special diet than it would have to be decided on with the surrogate and the extra money allotted. As well, the agency would add on a finder's fee of $500 for helping place them with a surrogate. When Luke's jaw returned from the floor, they continued on about what they would expect from their surrogate, which was agreed upon all around. No smoking or drinking, caffeine or medications not prescribed by a doctor, as well as not working past her 6 month of pregnancy.

The discussion of living arrangements was over within minutes. The small sewing room beside Lorelai's bedroom would serve as a nursery, which would provide easy access for middle of the night feedings. With Rory's approval, when the baby was a bit older they would move the child into Rory's old room, and Rory would set up her guest room in the sewing room. As Rory was off in Yale anyway and would hope to have her own place once graduated, it wouldn't matter about giving up her room, as long as she still had a place to call her own.

Luke had seemed a bit down during that part of the discussion, and Lorelai made it clear he was going to be part of the child's life. He was going to have full access to the house to see the child anytime he wanted, and he could take the baby to the diner every once and a while, as well. She wanted to make sure that a good schedule was in place as to not disturb the child, but knew how important family was to Luke.

This had led to Rory's next question, that of telling friends and family. After much convincing, Lorelai was talked into telling her parents, though she made it clear she would not tell them until after they had found out the surrogate was pregnant and healthy. They had decided that family and close friends would know first, and the town would know when they felt ready. They knew the town would add an undue stress with all the questions, so it was best to leave it until at least Lorelai was fully recovered from her surgery.

The final topic of conversation occurred after Rory fell asleep. It had been hinted at when they talked about how they would share custody of the child, but the issue had been skirted around. When Lorelai asked him how it would work when either of them dated, he looked extremely uncomfortable. With Luke having no children of his own now, they decided to fall back on Lorelai's model. No potential suitor was to be introduced to the child until they were in a solid relationship. Luke had added to this that he felt that the other parent should get a say, so when the relationship became solid enough that the adults would get together and talk. It was going to be hard, but there was nothing they could do but play it by ear.

After that piece of the discussion, they had decided to call it a night. As it was late, Luke told Lorelai in no uncertain terms that she and Rory were staying and taking his bed, and he would sleep on the couch.

A loud snore from the couch interrupted her thoughts. Lorelai knew what she had to do. Gently shaking her daughter awake, she stroked her daughter's face.

"What?" Rory groggily let out, making it clear she wasn't impressed about being waken up.

"I made my decision."

Rory's eyes widened at this. "Well, tell me," she said, dragging out her words.

"As long as you're okay with it, I want to do this; I want Luke and I to have a child," Lorelai said as she continued to stroke her daughter's cheek.

"Ah, Mom," Rory whispered. "I'm so glad. This will all work out, you'll see; I promise. I can't wait to be a big sister." Cuddling her closer, the two fell asleep.

__________________________________________________________________________________

At about 8:15, Lorelai woke up to Rory poking her in the ribs.

"Gah! God, kid. What the hell?"

"Mom, you were supposed to be at work 15 minutes ago, and I have to meet Lane soon, and since we're not at home, we obviously don't have any clothes to wear," Rory said, rolling her eyes at her mother's child-like behavior in the morning.

"Shoot, we better go quickly. I have a meeting at 9:30 with a potential buyer. Mia would flip if I missed it," Lorelai said as she rushed towards the door.

As Lorelai entered the diner, she heard Patty let out a loud wolf whistle.

"So you finally got to discover what's under our hot diner man's flannel did ya, honey," Patty said, leering suggestively at Lorelai. Lorelai, who had now moved out of the doorway, stopped blocking Rory from view.

"Yeah, it was hot Patty; we had Rory tape us, just like Paris Hilton. Good times; good times," Lorelai said mockingly.

"Ah, jeez," Luke said, looking disgusted.

"Gross Mom, eww," Rory said, making a face similar to Luke's. "I gotta go meet Lane; see ya later," she said, throwing a quick look over her shoulder and running out of the diner.

"Hey, Luke. Can I talk to you for a second? I promise only a second; I'm about to be late for a meeting," she said, heading toward the door. Holding the door open, she waited for Luke to follow her, and then closed the door. Walking down the steps, she took him to the alleyway beside the diner.

"So, uh, I was wondering if you wanted to come to Hartford with me later this afternoon and get this process started," Lorelai said, toeing her shoe nervously into the ground.

"Does this mean-" Luke stuttered out nervously.

"If you're still in," she said, biting her lip.

"I'm all in," he says squeezing her hands

.

"Pick me up at 2," she said.

"See you then," he said, trying to hide his giant smile.

_Grammatically betaed by Potterworm _


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: not mine lol!**

**Author's note. Thanks to Potterworm for all the help with the beta-ing I am very appreciative. I want to especially thank everyone who is leaving reviews I really appreciate them! I was asked if Luke and Lorelai would be getting together in this story. I kind of had a plan but I am open to suggestions so just leave me a review and let me know what you think.**

******Potterworm will be partaking in the November ****National Novel Writing (NaNoWriMo – I love that abbreviation!) so beta-ing will be a procrastination type of thing. I may also try to do some writing for this as well. Long story short there probably wont be too many updates for the story until December as I would like the story beta-ed before it goes up. But I wont forget about this story I promise!**

**Enjoy**

**Chapter 11**

The meeting on Friday had not taken long. Though they didn't have an appointment, they were ushered into a ritzy office and seen by one of the head agents, Mrs.. Delaney. After explaining their situation and what they were looking for, she told them more about the agency.

As they would need the surrogate ready in two weeks when Lorelai would be going into surgery, it presented a bit of a problem, but after typing in all the information into the appropriate fields, Mrs. Delaney had results.

"Okay," Mrs. Delaney started, "you two have a unique situation with the timing you need your surrogate for, but I do have four ladies who would be available in that time frame. Two of them are new to the agency and have no previous experience as surrogates, but trust me we do a lot of background checks, and they check out. One has been a surrogate with our agency once before and once with another agency in California, and she came highly recommended by them. The final one is a mother of three, who has been a surrogate twice with us previously. All four meet your requirements. I cannot give you their names, but I can give you their bios and you can look over those during the weekend," Mrs. Delaney said, handing the bios to Luke.

"Thank you so much, Mrs. Delaney. So how do we proceed from here?" Lorelai questioned.

"Give me a call Monday morning if you are still interested, and you will come in here and sign the paperwork. We can have the surrogates you are interested in meet you within a day or two, and you can go from there. Once you have decided, we will have you all sign the paperwork and everything can be done as soon as Friday."

"Wow," Luke said, looking over at an equally astonished Lorelai. "I guess you'll be hearing from us Monday," Luke said, still looking overwhelmed.

"Here's my card with my cell phone number, dear," Mrs. Delaney said, handing Lorelai her business card. "I understand how time sensitive this is and how hard it is to have to be deciding this while worrying about your own health, but I will be available for you any time you need me," she said, standing up and walking to the other side of her desk.

Lorelai, feeling overly emotional, hugged her tightly. "Thank you so much, _God_, so much Mrs. Delaney." Releasing her, Lorelai watched as Luke shook Mrs. Delaney's hand. They exited the office with a ton of papers to look through.

"Can we look through these tomorrow night, Luke? I just want to go home, have a hot bath, and go to bed. I'm kind of overwhelmed, you know."

Squeezing her hand, he opened the passenger side door of his ancient truck. "Yeah, I am too. We'll have an early supper and look through this tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah," she replied tiredly.

________________________________________________________________________

Early the next day, Lorelai made her way to Sookie's for a girls' only all-you-can-eat breakfast. Jackson was taking the kids to his farm on the outskirts of town to check his crops. Rory, who was supposed to be there, had to cancel as Paris was having a crisis at the newspaper.

"Knock, knock," Lorelai called as she walked into the house. "Oh God, Sook, it smells great in here!"

"Hey you," Sookie called from the kitchen. "Get in here and try this," she called out excitedly from the kitchen.

Sitting down at the table, Lorelai looked at the plate of yellowy mashed potatoes in front of her. "Um, why am I going to eat mashed potatoes for breakfast?" she questioned, picking up her fork and swishing it through the food.

"It's not potatoes, Hun. It's eggs. Try it; try it," she squealed.

Sticking the fork in her mouth, she moaned as she sucked the eggs off her fork. "Wow Sook, this is amazing; what did you do?"

"I whipped it with some butter, garlic, and milk. They're good, aren't they? I've been testing them out on the kids all week, and I think I've perfected it," she said, jumping up and down.

After 15 minutes of eating everything in sight, Lorelai grabbed Sookie's hand and brought her to the table. "Stop trying to feed me, I'm stuffed," Lorelai said, sitting her down at the table in front of Sookie's own plate. "Besides, I have news."

"So, what did you decide? This better be about Luke or so help me God," Sookie warned.

Lorelai laughed at her friend's enthusiasm. "Yes, Sook, it involves Luke. We're, uh, we're going to go ahead with getting a surrogate."

Before she could say anything else, Sookie was up and pulling Lorelai into her arms crying hysterically. "Oh honey, this is so good. You and Luke are perfect for each other; your baby is going to be so gorgeous."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Sook," Lorelai said, pulling away and looking her in the eyes. "Luke is a great guy, but we are ONLY going to be friends who share a child. This is NOT us getting together. I know you think Luke and I are perfect for each other, but it's not like that Sook, he's my best guy friend; I don't see him like that," she said, squeezing Sookie's hands.

Sookie looked sad, but quickly put on a smile though she still had tears in her eyes. "Okay, I think you're perfect for each other, but it's your choice. Is there anything I can do to help with anything?" she said, wiping at her eyes.

"Actually, there is. We will be setting up interviews sometime this week with potential surrogates. I want you to be there. It will be me, Luke, and Rory and, hopefully, you. We'll need all the opinions and input we can get."

"Of course, Sweets! I will definitely be there. So how do their resumes look so far?"

"We got a bit of info from the lady at the agency, but Luke and I decided to look at the resumes together tonight. I was just too tired last night."

"Speaking of tired," Sookie said quietly, "how are you feeling?"

Lorelai smiled slightly and looked down. She hated talking about her illness, but knew that people were concerned for her. "I'm okay, actually. The pain medication they gave me helps a lot. I just find it hard to sleep some nights, like finding a comfortable position. Otherwise, I'm good." Seeing Sookie's face, she knew she was looking for more information than that. "Emotionally, I'm okay. It's hard since there's a lot on my mind, but it's getting better. Every day, a little bit of stress gets lifted from my shoulders, so it's slow going, but it's going to be okay," she said, nodding to herself then smiling at Sookie.

The girls continued to chat for over an hour before Lorelai realized the time. "Oh, I have to go Sookie. I have a final meeting this afternoon with that potential buyer."

"It's Saturday, Lorelai. Why does he want to meet you on a Saturday?"

"I don't know Sook, but he seems really interested. I think he'll buy it," she said kind of sad.

"Wow," Sookie breathed out. "That place holds so many memories for me. Oh God, but what about you? You and Rory pretty much grew up there!"

"Well, Mia said she will put in a clause in the agreement that after the purchase of the Inn goes through that I have two months to have the potting shed removed from the property, or they get to do as they like with it. I was kind of hoping you wouldn't mind if it got moved over to the Dragonfly lot. I don't know what we would do with it but-"

Sookie interrupted her then with a loud squeal. "I think that's great. It will make the place feel homier for us, and who knows, maybe we could use it for something for the staff. You know how sometimes they have to pull a double. It would give them a place to sleep for a couple of hours."

"Yeah, that could work. We would just have to be careful that people didn't start abusing the privileges. I can just hear Taylor now at a town meeting, declaring the Dragonfly condemned for reasons of immorality. Staff hooking up and all that," Lorelai said, laughing.

Sookie joined in the laughter. "Oh, he'd be so mad! His face would get all red, and he would be raving about what else must be going on over there and how we need new laws," she said, laughing harder.

When the laughter finally died down, Lorelai stood up. "Gotta go, chickie. I'll see you Monday though, okay?"

"See ya then, Sweetie," Sookie said, shoving a plate of leftovers at her as she walked her to the door.

________________________________________________________________________

It had been a long day, Lorelai thought as she sat upstairs at Luke's apartment. He was downstairs giving last minute instructions to Caesar before he would head up. The sale of the Independence seemed complete. Mia had faxed down paperwork for the older gentleman to sign, and they were just waiting to have it finalized through their lawyers later in the week.

Spreading out the surrogate's information out in front of her, Lorelai pulled out paper and a pen from her purse and stared to make a list of the various traits listed on the applications so they could compare and contrast them. When she was nearly finished, Luke entered.

Pulling his chair next to hers, he sat down at the kitchen table and looked over at the list Lorelai had compiled. "Wow, it seems so impersonal," he sighed.

"Yeah," she said, looking up at him. "I think we will have to wait until we meet the people, but I do actually want to remove one of the women from the list," she said, pointing at the third candidate's bio.

"Why?" he questioned, looking over the woman's biography.

"Well, she's 40, and when you get to be older, you run higher risks of miscarrying. I know that sounds stupid, but I just don't want to risk it," she sighed, looking down at her clasped hands.

He laid his hand on top of hers and flipped the biography upside down. "It's not stupid at all. This is a big deal, Lorelai, and we need to feel comfortable with the choice," he said, rubbing his thumb across her hands.

She smiled up at him, removed her hands, and stood. "Okay," she said, sitting on the couch and patting the seat beside her, "we need to come up with some questions for the women to answer."

"Okay," Luke replied slowly. He sat at the opposite end of the couch and watched as she pulled her knees up to her chest, as she got comfortable. "I really don't know what kinds of questions to ask though."

After an hour, the two had come up with a list of questions, including the types of activities the women participated in, if they planned on working while pregnant, the types of foods normally eaten, and how they would be involved before and after the birth of the child. Saying goodnight, they parted at the door after a long hug.

Grammatical beta by Potterworm


	12. Chapter 12

**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE: **So sorry for the delay guys, but with the November writing comp going on I was waiting for my Beta Potterworm to have time to go through the chapter. Unfortunately I got an email yesterday that Potterworm can no longer BETA for me so I glanced quickly through this, and hopefully caught most of the mistakes. So I am once again looking for a BETA, so anyone interested can message me...just keep in mind, if you like this story and your good with grammar (especially tenses), this will give you the ability to get a sneak peak into what is to come in the story.

I also just want to put out a quick thank you to those of you who are reviewing the story and adding it to your favourites list, you don't even know how good that makes me feel when I see those notifications:D So once again calling all BETA's. Next chapter is short and will be posted next week. Hopefully I will have a BETA by then, and due to all of your patience with me, ch 14 will be a long one letting you into my mind as to where this story is going.

Disclaimer: not mine, not yours, and here we go:

Chapter 12

It was finally here, the day they had waited for. After signing the paperwork Monday, the agency set up interviews for Wednesday. The interviews were set up one at 9, another at 10:30, and the final one just after lunch. Rory, who was in class and would not be able to make it, had asked that lots of notes be taken, and that they ask the surrogates how they planned to educate the developing child. Lorelai had just laughed, knowing Rory's love of learning, but was touched that she wanted to play a large role in the process.

Luke had also brought up a valid point of him not knowing much about pregnancy, and Lorelai not having current knowledge. After listening to her go on about how you never forget labor, he had finally gotten her to understand his point. When she finally understood his point she explained that she had already asked Sookie to be part of the process.

Due to an abundance of paperwork at the law office, the Independence Inn's sale had not been completed, so the three were able to set up the interview's to take place in Lorelai's office. She had set up the room as comfortably as possible, with her and Luke sitting behind the desk, and Sookie sat on the love seat near the window. The surrogates would be asked to sit directly across from Sookie, making an unusual, but comfortable formation around the room.

Michel had been asked into the mix to handle last minute phone calls having to do with the selling of the Inn, while also there to escort the surrogates in. He was not happy about this, but was told he would be first into the 'loop' when everything was said and done. Not liking to be left out, he grumbled his way out of the office but proceeded to do his job.

Luke had arrived 15 minutes early to the appointment. He was clearly nervous, tugging on his dress shirt and rubbing his hand nervously through his hair. Sookie had commented on how nice he looked and Lorelai had been quick to notice as well. All were dressed up, wanting nothing more than to impress the woman who would have such an important role in their lives.

At 8:50, Michel knocked on the door announcing that Ms. Michaels was there for her appointment. He proceeded to give them her information and announced he would bring her back in 10 minutes.

After reviewing her information and reading her references there was a knock at the door. "Ms. Gilmore, Ms. Michaels to see you," came a familiar snooty voice.

"Thanks Michel," Lorelai said standing behind the desk to greet the woman. "Ms. Michaels, I'm Lorelai, and these are my best friends Luke and Sookie," she said and pointed to each.

"It's a pleasure to meet all of you, but please call me Stacey," she said taking time to shake each person's hand.

After about 10 minutes of polite small talk and getting to know each other, Lorelai began the questions.

"So it says here that you have been a surrogate both here and in California. Can you tell me a bit about what made you decide to become a surrogate and to continue as a surrogate, I would imagine it's a hard thing to go through, especially as someone so young" Lorelai queried the 23 year old.

"I decided to become a surrogate because it paid well. I was in university and I realized I could be making money while sitting in class. It didn't matter if I got fat, I wasn't there to make friends or get a boyfriend, I was trying to get my degree so I could start my own business. After the first baby, I decided I had enough money to start my own business and I started attending my classes' part time. Unfortunately my business went belly up and I got myself into money problems. I left California and decided to start fresh in Hartford. I decided to be a surrogate again to help ease some of the financial pressures I had."

"I know I sound callous, but to me it's business. The child is not mine, I'm doing a favor to someone basically, almost like pet sitting but for a longer time. I still owe money to some people in California and I want to pay it off. I'm not a heartless person, I just don't think I'm cut out for being a mother, but this is something I can do," she added quietly.

"I really appreciate you telling us that Stacey, I know things can not work out the way you want them to, and you have to do, what you have to in, order to get by. It's hard to tell the truth sometimes, but you did and I, we," she corrected, "appreciate that."

"So where you have past ties to California, will you be planning on leaving Hartford at any time to go there," Luke asked breaking the silence that had set in.

"Yes," she replied calmly. I do owe money still to people out there and I need to pay that off, as well I have friends there that I would like to visit. I'd probably be flying down once a month while I'm able to, and I would be staying for a week or so at a time."

After an extensive talk, Lorelai stood and extended her hand. "Well, I want to thank you for coming in to talk to us. This is a big thing happening in our lives right now and we will need time to make a decision and we do have some other appointments today." Shaking her hand she continued, "we will be telling the agency our decision at the end of this week so you will be hearing from them by Saturday at the latest."

After Stacey left, she sat down and groaned.

"Oh my God," Sookie sighed, "that was so awkward!"

Luke had slouched down in his chair and looked at Lorelai. Before anyone could say anything else there was a knock at the door. Michel entered and handed Sookie the information and announced he would return in 10 minutes with Mrs. Thomas.

"Okay," Sookie said, "moving on. Next up is Vera Thomas. She is a mother of 3 and has been a surrogate twice before for the Hartford agency. She has 3 references attached, one from each of the past clients, and, "she trailed off looking through the papers, "the last from her doctor," Sookie finished with a confused look on her face.

"Her doctor?" Luke questioned.

"Yup, just a sec," Sookie said skimming through the last reference. "Ooookay," Sookie drawled out. "It appears Vera is a heavy smoker but is healthy besides that. The doctor feels for her to quit smoking it would be harmful to the baby, but that no harm should come as long as she doesn't smoke more than a half pack a day."

"What kind of quack says that," Luke had interrupted ready to begin ranting.

Before he could continue a knock sounded and the door had opened. Michel stuck his head in and with an eye roll introduced Mrs. Thomas.

"Mrs. Thomas," Lorelai had said, standing and extending her hand, "thank you for joining us today, these are my friends Luke and Sookie."

Mrs. Thomas nodded and shook all of their hands and then sat in the seat as directed by Lorelai. After a bit of general chitchat made mostly by Lorelai and Sookie, Lorelai had begun with her questions.

"So Mrs. Thomas, you have twice worked with the Hartford agency, can you tell me a little bit about why you decided to become, and continue being a surrogate?"

Lorelai had gotten the distinctive vibe that Mrs. Thomas was shy, as she had not asked the others to call her by her first name, or made any effort with the small talk, she wondered if this interview would be a kin to pulling teeth.

Mrs. Thomas looked at her and began to speak. Everyone in the room looked surprised by how raspy her voice was, Lorelai thought due in large part to her chain smoking.

"My sister got sick when I was thirteen, and couldn't have children anymore. She hired a surrogate and I found it fascinating. I loved the idea of being pregnant and decided I wanted a baby. By 14, I was pregnant with my first child. My parents helped me raise the baby, but at 18, they had her taken away from me and legally adopted her. I missed my daughter so much, that I decided to have another baby and was pregnant within a few months. I met up with Tracey, my sister's surrogate in the waiting room of the gynecologist and we started talking. After I had my son she got me an interview with the agency in Hartford and I was hired.

I loved the idea of it. I got to stay home and be with my son but was still able to make money. After having the baby for the couple in Hartford I was really depressed and wanted another baby. So I got pregnant and had my second son. Having 2 boys running around the house was a great feeling but I still felt like I was missing out on something so I returned to the agency and I became a surrogate again. I had the baby a few months ago and couldn't get pregnant again so I decided to have another baby this way."

At that comment she saw the look of panic cross Sookie's face.

"I see," Lorelai said trying to keep her voice calm. "Well, we do have some questions about your health," Lorelai started before getting cut off.

"You think I'm crazy don't you?" Mrs. Thomas rasped out. "I like how it feels to be pregnant and the way people want to take care of you."

Lorelai cut her off before she could go any further. "No, no, I'm sorry Mrs. Thomas if that came out wrong. What I meant was that we have general health questions for you, but especially about your smoking," she watched as the woman visibly relaxed in the seat and continued.

"We would like to know about your eating and exercise habits, and drinking and smoking, prescription drugs that sort of thing." Feeling the tension which radiated from Luke she put her hand down and gently caressed his knee. She felt him relax a bit, and she smiled up at Mrs. Thomas.

"Well as you can see the doctor said I'm in good health. I play with my kids but that's about all the exercise I get, I don't have time to go to the gym. I eat what I want, but on every pregnancy so far I crave fast food. Like the doctor said, as long as I stay calm and smoke less than half a pack a day it wont interfere with the baby," she said before she started to cough roughly.

Lorelai watched as Sookie excused herself to get the woman some water and gently squeezed Luke's knee. When Sookie returned, the coughing fit was passed, but she did accept the water graciously.

Sookie could tell Lorelai was quietly trying to do everything possible to keep Luke calm and decided to wrap up the interview.

"Well," she said. "We would like to thank you for coming in to meet with us today and the agency will be contacting you with the decision before the end of this weekend." Sookie stood and extended her hand, and watched out of the corner of her eye as Luke and Lorelai squeezed hands and stood.

After Mrs. Thomas left there was a collective sigh of relief released when the door closed.

"Oh my god I really need to eat, and" gah she screeched putting her head in her hands, heels pressed into her eyes.

"What the fuck is wrong with these people, didn't the agency say they have all been interviewed? Who interviewed them 'cause that person needs to have their head checked," Luke ranted.

Lorelai interrupted quickly by standing up and grabbing his hand and pulling him to the other side of the desk towards the door. Pulling Sookie up with her other hand, she sighed and then dropped their hands.

"Okay, seriously, I can't talk about this right now, we have one more interview and we'll discuss everything after that. I need to eat and turn off my brain for a bit.

Following Sookie out of the room she felt Luke place his hand on her lower back as they excited the room.

"Oh, I know, I still have the french onion soup here and stuff to make sandwiches," the chef said excitedly, as she headed for the kitchen. Lorelai leaned back slightly into Luke as they walked, sighed, and continued to follow Sookie.

* * *

After a quiet tension filled lunch, the three friends returned to the office. There had been more than one time that Sookie or Luke had went to say something but had quickly been silenced by the look in Lorelai's eyes. After she cleared her desk, Lorelai arranged her notes and resumes per person and placed them in piles inside the desk drawer. Not noticing how focused she was on her task, she jumped at the sound of Michel at the door.

Sighing heavily Michel had spoke. "I will be bringing Ms. Duncan in to see you in the next few minutes and then I will be going to my pedicure. I do not wish to be disturbed and will not be partaking in any more of your ridiculous games any longer today. The faxes have come through and as of October 1st the old man will own the Inn. He turned with a sad look on his face, throwing the papers at Sookie and said 'she will be letting herself in any minute'.

Quickly Sookie scans the document. "Okay, Ms. Duncan has had children before but not worked at an agency. Her reference is from her doctor and the parent of one of the children she baby-sits for. Wait, she's from here. Carrie Duncan," she mumbled to herself.

Luke's eyes grow wide. "Shit, shit I have to get out of here. Crazy Carrie is not going to be our surrogate," he says looking desperately for a way out.

Lorelai started to laugh hysterically. "Isn't she the one who followed you everywhere and is always trying to shove her boobs in your face?"

"Oh my God, she's the one you made out with under the bleachers," Sookie squealed loudly.

"I did not! The woman is deranged she's been stocking me for years, oh my God, she can't know, shit, no she doesn't know, does she know?" He's was not even paying attention to them, but was trying to open the window, which was locked.

Before anything else can be said there was a knock at the door. In a panic Luke dove under the desk and sat by Lorelai's feet. She tried to hold back her laughter but with one look at the desperation in Luke's eyes she giggled and yelled to come in.

"Carrie Duncan entered, wearing a low cut sweater and a tight fitting skirt. She looked slowly from Sookie to Lorelai and then sat down. Both women are still red in the face from laughing and trying to calm themselves down.

"Mrs. Duncan, thanks for joining us today, as you may recognize this is Sookie, my business partner," Lorelai introduced. As Carrie looks at Sookie, Lorelai chanced a quick glance at Luke. He looked so adorable hiding under her desk she thought to herself. 'Please' he mouthed and she just smiled and looked back up, thinking she is glad she got a solid desk that concealed Luke's hiding place.

She glanced at Sookie with a knowing look, and continued.

"Well Mrs. Duncan," "Carrie" she was interrupted with. "Well Carrie, as you know you are here interviewing to be a surrogate. As manager I have been asked by a couple of long time guests of ours to help them out in their mission. They are looking for a surrogate and have asked us to perform the interview as they were unable to be here."

Sookie who has been looking confused finally clued in, realizing that if Carrie knew who she was to be a surrogate for, that the news would spread around Stars Hollow in seconds.

Lorelia continued. "Why have you decided at this point in your life to become a surrogate Carrie?"

"Well my husband and I recently divorced and I'm on the market and I want all the eligible bachelors to know I'm still fertile, plus my boobs look so good when I'm pregnant. Besides, I want the attention of a certain stud, and his sister Liz promised me he likes his women to have big boobs," Carrie said with a straight face.

Feeling Luke about to go crazy she looked down quickly at him and pushed her chair into the desk a bit more, boxing him in so that he couldn't get out and kill Carrie, or maybe his sister. She placed her left hand under the desk and gently ran her fingers through his hair, trying to calm him. She felt him relax and rest his head on her knee. Picking up her pen with her right hand, she continues on with her next question.

"Alright, and we, I mean the employer, also wanted to know about your health. Can you tell us about your eating and exercise habits, drinking, smoking and any prescription drugs you might take?"

"Well I'm not on any drugs and I don't really take anything but Tylenol and Midol when I have wicked crams, ya know? I don't really exercise except for when I go out dancing but I know not to drink when I'm pregnant, except New Years Eve, I'm not missing out on celebrating the new year, but by then the baby would be like 3 months so it would be all good."

Sookie's eyes have widened at this and seeing the look on Lorelai's face and her eyes darting down to her lap often, she decided to step in.

"So," Sookie stuttered bringing the attention away from Lorelai, "the father has left instructions that he wanted the baby on a healthy diet and is willing to pay for the groceries. Would you have a problem with this?"

"Nope, I'll eat anything as long as it's got a pound of ketchup and salt on it," she said as she laughed heartily.

"Okay, and the woman's daughter is very adamant that the child is educated while in the womb, reading to the child, listening to soothing sounds, having the parents be around to talk to the child. Do you have any problems with that," Sookie says eying Lorelai who is still occupied with her 'lap'.

"Nah, I love blasting the music at home. We like to listen to heavy metal, its really great for the baby, gets it moving around inside you. Plus the kids like to jump around and practice moshing," she laughed hysterically. They almost knocked me down the stairs last time," she says her hysterics coming to an end.

"Riiiight," Sookie drawled. "So, Lorelai, do you have anything else we should ask about?"

"Oh," Lorelai looked up quickly and glanced at her sheet. "No, I think that's it. You'll be hearing from the agency by Saturday at the latest. We have to go over everything with the clients and they will contact the agency on Friday."

Lorelai stood up, and leaned over the desk to shake Carrie's hand, trying to hide a partially exposed Luke with her body. Sookie peaked over and saw Luke's head, which was pressed tightly against Lorelai's knees, and she smiled. Standing up she lead Carrie out of the room and closed the door.

Stepping back from the desk, Lorelai extended her hand to Luke and helped pull him out from under the desk. He groaned and cracked his knees as he stood. Lorelai started to laugh hysterically as she pulled Luke to her. "You're getting old," she breathed into his ear as he huged her.

"Shut up," he growled as he pulls back slightly from her, looking her in the eyes.

Sookie walked in then, oblivious to the looks on their faces and started to laugh. "Oh my God, she breathed out. "What is wrong with people," she said as she dropped herself back down onto the love seat.

Pulling away from Luke, Lorelai sighed and rubbed her hand tiredly over her face. Leaning her shoulder against Luke's chest she sighed deeply. Looking at Sookie then up at Luke with tears in her eyes she calmly said, "What are we going to do?"


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

It had been a long day. First the interviews from hell, followed by a lengthy discussion of why all of the candidates were unacceptable.

Sookie had spoken long and hard about her dislike for Vera Thomas. She thought the woman was clinically insane and might try to steal the baby. Lorelai had to agree. Every time the woman seemed to feel lonely she would have a child, or have a child for someone else. Sookie remained adamant that something was wrong with the woman and had reminded them that every time Vera had a child after being a surrogate but that this time she couldn't conceive. Luke had then mentioned how if she got pregnant with a female child she might be tempted to take the child as her parents had taken her little girl from her at a young age.

Besides that fact, all three were worried about the amount of smoking the woman believed was okay for the baby. This had elicited a long rant from Luke about what type of doctor would say its okay to smoke half a pack of cigarettes a day. He felt like the doctor's expertise was in question due to this circumstances.

It didn't take long for all to fall to the same conclusion: Vera was out.

Lorelai decided to bring up Stacey Michaels next. She felt she was a girl who had gotten herself into a bit of trouble but had the intelligence to get out of it. She obviously was smart and driven, having gone to university and trying to start her own business at such a young age. Sookie couldn't understand how someone could detach herself so far from a situation as she seemed to, but understood it would be necessary to an extent to do so as the child isn't yours.

Luke had been quiet up to this point and Lorelai gently questioned him.

"Luke," she whispered.

"I just," he sighed loudly then. "I just have this bad feeling about her I can't shake. She made it sound a bit shady, not like a business gone bad, but like she got in some personal trouble and had to take off. I would be worried that someone would come after her here or in California."

Normally Lorelai would have laughed it off, but this was a big gamble for her. This was her one chance to have another child and if something happened she would never be able to forgive herself.

"Okay, how about we put her aside for a minute. We can discuss her more later, and even have another interview with her, check her references things like that." She had squeezed his hand lightly and leaned up against him looking at Sookie who sat across from them.

"Well," Sookie began, "that only leaves one person."

"No!" Luke interrupted scaring them with the tone and volume he used.

"Luke, I'm not crazy about it either," Lorelai began, "but lets think about it. We know her, she lives like 100 feet away from all of us, and the town would watch over her just as much as we would. Some of the things she said were crazy, beyond crazy," Lorelai sighed. "We don't have many options," she said as a tear ran down her face.

Luke took in her appearance. She looked tired and small, in the end he knew he would concede to anything Lorelai said but he was really against the idea of Carrie. Deciding to be honest he voiced just that.

"Lorelai," he said, making her look him in the eyes. "I don't want to freak you out but I know how Carrie is," he said softly. "She's obsessed with me. If she found out she was carrying my baby I don't know what would happen, and I would be scared to find out. We wouldn't be able to keep it a secret either, and I really want to be involved with the pregnancy. I'll support you no matter what, but I really don't want it to be her."

At that point Rory entered the sitting room, where they had been talking. Seeing Luke and Lorelai so deeply engrossed in conversation she looked at Sookie. Catching Rory's eye, Sookie motioned her over to the door.

"I'm gonna leave and let you guys talk okay Hun. Things didn't go as well as we hoped for today. Hopefully you can help them sort through this. Bye cupcake," Sookie smiled sadly as she exited the inn.

Rory looked over at Luke and Lorelai who were deep in conversation. Making her way over she cleared her throat to announce her presence. Looking up, Lorelai began to cry harder and threw herself into Rory's waiting arms.

After sitting down and discussing it more, it was decided. They couldn't risk anything happening as this was Lorelai's only shot, they couldn't risk that chance on any of the women they had met. At Rory's suggestion it was agreed, they would freeze the eggs until they found the perfect person.


	14. Chapter 14

In hopes of making up for how long it took me to post, I posted 13 and 14 today. Hope you enjoy. Leave reviews and tell me what youre thinking!! Remember people, the good the bad and the ugly!

Chapter 14

It had been a long weekend for Lorelai. Having called Sookie and informed her of her decision Thursday night, she then went into quiet mode.

Things seemed to be getting out of control. She knew from the start that there would be problems, with the lack of time available to make all the decisions, she had done what she could to make informed choices, but something always seemed to be getting in the way. Rory had already planned a girl's night with Lane, so Lorelai spent a quiet night in staring at the pages of her new Cosmo, but not even her favourite magazine could shake her of any of the doubts she was having.

The next day Lorelai had called Luke and asked him to talk to Mrs. Delaney at the Hartford agency and see if there were any other options. She had a long day ahead of her at the inn, as her, Michel, and Sookie had to clear all of their things out as it had been sold and would be under that new ownership by the end of the month. Mia had made it clear to the new owner what would be included in the deal, and that her staff could take anything that wasn't damaged by the fire that they wanted.

The three sat in the inn kitchen and discussed this stipulation in the contract. It was decided to take anything that was salvageable as it would save money towards their inn, and could be replaced later when they had the money. They were told that the only things off limits were the kitchen appliances, the bookcases in the media room, the reception desk and the beds and furniture in the rooms.

Sookie had taken care of the kitchen, making the decisions on what should be taken and carefully boxed up the small kitchen instruments, dishes and cutlery, and helped Jackson as he disassembled the custom made pantry and shelving system.

Michel had the task of boxing up any linen and cleaning supplies from the laundry room, followed by going through the lobby and reception area. Lorelai had made it clear to him the day before on the phone that this was going to be his job and she would not listen to him bitch and complain about his fancy clothes getting ruined. For once, she was glad he listened to her as he arrived in jeans and a sweater, though they looked to be the most expensive 'casual' outfit she had ever seen.

Lorelai spent the beginning of her day going inch by inch through the rest of the inn. Most of the inn had either smoke, or water damage, and she was only able to salvage items from the back hallway, leaving her with slim pickings from that one hallway and 5 rooms. In the end, Lorelai had taken the T.V.'s, phones, paintings and lamps from those rooms, and found 2 more paintings from the hallway.

When finished this task, Lorelai had made her way to the small media room. This room had been her pride and joy. As a library it got little use, and Mia had given this room to her as her first assignment, as she wanted to see what ideas Lorelai would have that could benefit the inn.

With a small budget, Lorelai had spent a month trolling through local yard sales and flea markets and created a media room. After a while Mia had purchased a rather large and comfortable living room set to complete it. Taking a deep breath to release some of the tension that was building, Lorelai began to sort through the books, dvds and cds that lined the shelves of the sprawling bookshelves. When finished she retreated to the lobby to leave with her friends, as the following day would be spent taking the boxes and items gathered, and putting them in storage.

Saturday had been a quiet day, with her, Rory, Luke, Sookie and Jackson packing all the belongings into their respective vehicles and bringing them to the storage facility. Little had been said that day as everyone was on edge. Even though Luke was not an employee, he understood how they all felt. The Independence had been Rory and Lorelai's home, and Sookie and Jackson's main supply of income. He understood how Jackson had done more than half of his business there and how hard it must be to lose out on that, and all of Sookie's income especially with two children at home. Before leaving, Sookie had invited them for diner at their house the next night, though Rory couldn't attend, as she had to go back to Yale, Luke and Lorelai agreed.

That night Lorelai had spent a quiet night in with Rory where they watched a stupid sci-fi marathon on one of their many channels. She hadn't paid much attention, but tried for Rory's sake. She was trying to put on a smile for Rory, but she knew her daughter could see right through her, but was respecting her need for space for the time being. As she thought on this, she knew that she was happy with her life, and that if she couldn't have more children that she had lucked out to have the perfect daughter. Kissing her daughter on the forehead Lorelai headed up to her bedroom and focused on her laptop, trying to find other alternatives than to freeze her eggs.

Lorelai spent hours searching through personal websites advertising people who would be surrogates but found nothing. Some sounded promising, but the fact that they weren't willing to join an agency such as the one in Hartford made her nervous. She knew with patience that something would happen. Catching the time on the monitor out of the corner of her eye she was shocked to see that it was already 7:45 in the morning. She got up, and made her way down to the kitchen to make some coffee, and found Rory reading the paper at the table.

"You didn't sleep," her daughter remarked casually.

"I didn't even notice the time, I was on he internet looking for other options, but…," Lorelai trailed off with a sad look on her face.

"I'm sorry Mom. I know how much you want this and I know you're really worried about the money, but I've been researching this too, and I know that freezing the eggs costs about the same as it does for the surrogacy fee so it shouldn't be an issue. When you find the perfect surrogate we'll worry about money then."

Lorelai had began to cry at this point, she knew her daughter was right but it was so frustrating having to go through this, sometimes she was so overwhelmed with the issues of finding a surrogate she would forget about the sickness that was causing the need for a surrogate in the first place.

"Honey, you know how much I love you right, this isn't me trying to have the perfect child or replace you, because you are everything to me."

She was cut off then as Rory threw her arms around her mother's neck and clung tightly.

"I know Mom, you don't have to worry about me. I'm sad that this happened to you, but I'm happy with the choice you made to try to have a baby with Luke," she whispered, as she rubbed soothing circles on her mother's back.

"Speaking of, why don't we go have a quick breakfast at Luke's before I leave, and then you can come home and get some sleep?" Rory said looking at her mother who was wiping her eyes.

"Sounds good, let me just go change really quick."

"Jesus," she cried out, almost falling out of her bed. She had been dreaming about a field full of chocolate covered daisies, when all of a sudden she found herself almost falling out of bed, with the sight of Luke standing beside her bed.

"What the hell are you doing," she screeched, as she clutched her hand to her chest.

Looking at her like she was crazy he rolled his eyes and replied. "This morning before leaving the diner you told me to wake you up an hour before we had to be at Sookie's."

"Yea, I meant the phone, Jeez, you could have given me a heart attack," she said slowly getting out of bed.

"I called three times with no answer, I figured you were still asleep so I came here. You didn't answer the door so I tried it, unlocked to my surprise," he almost growled, "so I came up here to wake you up. We have 40 minutes till were supposed to be at Sookie's."

She looked at him sheepishly, and then bit her lip. "Sorry, I guess I was more tired than I thought. I'm just going to go shower, but I promise to be quick."

"I'm just gonna," Luke said as he motioned downstairs.

35 minutes later Lorelai came bounding down the stairs and cocked her head when she saw Luke. He was listening to a ballgame he had going on the T.V. while he straightened out her house.

"Luke, you didn't have to do that," she said eyeing her immaculate living room.

He just shrugged and motioned towards the door. "Ready to go?" he questioned.

"Yea, let's head out," she said as she grabbed her purse and coat from the hallway.

As always Sookie had prepared a feast meant for kings, but it had been a pretty tense dinner. Sookie and Jackson had been exchanging looks across the table and it was clear that they wanted to talk about something but didn't know how to bring it up.

Putting down her fork, Lorelai looked up and sighed loudly. "Just ask," she said.

"Hu..wha…" Sookie sputtered out looking at Jackson like a deer caught in the headlights.

More gently Lorelai continued. "You guys are our friends, and we made the choice to fill you in on this part of our lives. You can ask questions, it's okay. I don't want you to feel like you're walking on egg shells all the time."

"I just wondered if you came up with any other options? You said Thursday that you were going to talk to the agency again and see if there was anything else they could do."

Luke looked up and addressed the group. "I went into the agency and talked with Mrs. Delaney and explained the situation and the best she could do was refund the money we paid and promised to look into the surrogates we talked to.

"Well at least you got your money back," Jackson said trying to help any way he could.

"Speaking of," Luke said awkwardly to Jackson, "what are you planning on doing?"

"Well with Sookie and Lorelai partnering up with Ms. Patty and catering parties out of the dance studio that will help a bit, but I'm still trying to find some new businesses to supply to."

"Oh yea," Lorelai interrupted, "I forgot to tell you. Sookie decided to do a home catering business and we came up with the idea to approach Ms. Patty to use the dance studio. Most of the business will be just stuff Sookie can do around the house, but if she is approached to do a party we can use the dance studio as a venue and I will do the event planning and we can get all the linen and things out of storage," Lorelai prattled on happily.

"Well," Luke started off uneasily, "I kind of have an offer for you and Jackson," everyone looked at him curiously. "I usually order my produce every Monday and Thursday from my supplier but he's changing his hours a bit this year, so I thought I could keep ordering from him on Monday and Wednesday's but I could get an order from you Friday's, it wouldn't be huge or anything but it would help me keep the produce orders smaller and fresher."

"Thanks Luke," Jackson said looking appreciatively at him. He knew that Luke had been a long time customer of Josh's, and that he was obviously doing this to help him out. Luke didn't like change and probably would continue to use Josh as his supplier even if he raised the prices exponentially, so this was a big deal to him. "I really appreciate that Luke and I think it would be great."

"Okay, enough about him, what about me?" Lorelai said smiling as if it was Christmas morning.

"Well I know you'll be busy with the party planning and stuff," Luke said uncomfortably, knowing nothing about the subject, "but Ceasar's nephew is moving to Boston for school and will be finishing up near the end of October, and I was going to have to hire someone so why not you?" he said as he looked down at his hands, embarrassed by the look of awe on Lorelai's face.

When Lorelai had yet to say anything Luke continued. "You don't have to take the job, Jeez we would probably kill each other anyways, but I just thought we could keep the money between us." Seeing the confused look on Sookie's face he continued. "Where you all are putting your money into the Dragonfly, and Lorelai will be putting our money into the surrogacy thing, I just thought, it would be good for all of us," he finished off quietly.

Biting her lip, Lorelai looked up at Luke and nodded, 'thank you' she mouthed.

Catching the look Sookie had been shooting him, Jackson gave her a dirty look and then interrupted the intense gaze Lorelai and Luke had been sharing.

"So speaking of keeping the money between us… what?" he said looking at Sookie who had a look of shear confusion on her face.

"How does it have to do with that?" she questioned him.

"Anyways," he interrupted as he looked up at the confused faces of Lorelai and Luke, "Uh, yea, uh, where was I, oh yea, um…"

"I want to have your baby," Sookie blurted out.


	15. Chapter 15

Author's Note: Hey all this note is for everyone, but especially for **Mmooch** in response to the review left for last chapter. I would love it if everyone could leave me a review and tell me what they're thinking...good bad and ugly! I have found that reviews are dwindling and I'm wondering if I'm starting to bore people. **Mmooch** left a review about the technicalities of it, and if Sookie could really handle it. I had already written this chapter (with the exception of maybe 3 paragraphs) by the time I got this review, and so I'm starting to worry. I am trying to make the story as detail oriented as possible but not get it to go overboard and bore people. There is a lot to this story and I don't want to leave out big chunks, but like I said, I don't want to bore anyone so please review and tell me what you're thinking. Oh and read the final author's note to, it's different and important:D

Chapter 15

Sitting in the doctor's waiting room, Lorelai was still reeling from Sookie and Jackson's offer from the night before. Things were moving so fast and her poor brain couldn't even keep up with her feet. Sookie had just blurted out that she wanted to have her baby, she had thought to make some inappropriate comment about her and Sookie having the same parts, therefore they could not procreate, but had thought better of it as she felt Luke blindly search out her hand and stammer out a shaky 'what'?

Well at least one of us can talk she had thought, and was surprised when she heard her high-pitched voice repeat Luke's. She was surprised by how high and unsteady her voice had become and felt her hand touch her face, shocked by the wetness she felt there. Pulling her hand roughly from Luke's, she stood up so quickly the chair went flying to the floor. Her eyes darted around quickly as she looked for an exit, bypassing the worried looks of her friends. "I, I, I, uh" without finishing she ran outside and sat on the back deck, leaving Luke who stared at his hand and Sookie and Jackson who stared at each other.

"I got it," Sookie said, as she grabbed the box of Kleenexes from the counter and headed out to the wicker love seat her friend loved so much.

"Ms. Gilmore," the nurse called, snapping her from her thoughts, "you all may come in now. Getting up, she along with Luke, Sookie and Jackson, followed the nurse to Dr. Bates office.

"Ms. Gilmore", the doctor said standing and extending his hand, "I was happy to hear from you this morning. Please all of you sit and fill me in on these developments."

"Well, as you know my friend Luke, and I," she says pointing out Luke, "have decided to have a child together via a surrogate. I know with my surgery in 5 days this is pushing things, but my best friend Sookie and her husband Jackson," she says indicated the other two sitting in the room, "have decided to be our surrogate family, and we are hoping that this can happen now, rather than freezing the eggs for later."

"Well congratulations," Dr. Bates said. "Well I'm glad you contacted me today, because I am virtually free all day, so we will have to go and do some tests but lets do them now, we'll discuss some more things of concern while we wait for the test results which I will rush through the lab, and then we'll see what we have."

Sookie and Jackson had been taken into another room to have her checked out, and Lorelai had to have her regular pre surgery check up. Luke who had planned to stay and hold Lorelai's hand was asked to leave as he had his own tests to do. Looking puzzled, Lorelai waited for Luke to leave and then asked the doctor what tests he would need?

While doing the exam he had nonchalantly replied, sperm count. As she started to laugh the doctor touched a sensitive spot and she whimpered in pain.

20 minutes later Luke and Lorelai were waiting alone in the doctor's office. Lorelai had been trying not to say anything but with Luke's obvious discomfort she couldn't resist.

"So Luke," she said smiling at the wary look he was shooting her, "I guess that was really…"

"Don't say it Lorelai, don't say…"

"…really **hard** for you, huh?" She was laughing so hard she almost fell out of the chair she was sitting in. "You did remember to wash your hands, right?" she said as she cackled some more.

He was sitting ramrod straight, in his chair; eyes focused on the floor and hands clenched, his face 14 shades of red. "Stop," he all but whispered.

Seeing how upset he was, she calmed, stood up and approached him. Taking his hands from his lap she moved them, sitting in his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck. Burying her face in his neck she sighed and started playing with his hair. "You're the best friend a girl could ask for, you know that," she murmured softly.

He pulled her closer and started tracing small circles on her back. She moved closer burying herself in his safety. She pulled back and their eyes locked. He had that look again, it annoyed her to no end as she couldn't figure it out, but took comfort in the fact that it always left her feeling safe. She was startled by the sound of the door opening and she jumped up, looking at Sookie and Jackson as they entered the room with the doctor.

"Okay let's all have a seat," the doctor said as he pulled out some paperwork from his fax machine. "So, as I said earlier, we have to wait about an hour for all the test results to come back, so we should talk about the procedures. Now, I would like to explain everything as a whole, but I would understand if you would like me to just explain each person's part to them privately," he continued kindly.

"Well I can only speak for myself but I'm fine with everyone knowing, I think an open door policy on this will be best," Lorelai stated, and watched as the others nodded.

"Okay," Dr. Bates continued. "So Friday at noon is the surgery. So pre-surgery prep will only be required for you Lorelai, you are not to eat or drink anything for 12 hours before the surgery." At this, Lorelai whimpered and pouted and Luke rolled his eyes and took her hand, and rubbed circles gently on it.

Dr. Bates smiled and continued. "We would like Luke and Lorelai to be here by 11 to get ready. Before surgery you will all be separated to do your part in the procedure. Lorelai, after surgery you will be quite sore, and will be required to stay in the hospital for at least 3 days so we can monitor for complications. When you return home you will be on bed rest for a week so the stitches can heal. You will only be able to take showers, and you should have someone present when you take one because you will be weak. I have some materials I will give you for when you leave the hospital on things you need to know while at home, caring for yourself, foods to avoid ect.

Sookie, Jackson will be allowed to accompany you as yours is not an actual surgery. We will be using a device to implant you, and this will be after Lorelai's surgery, so we would ask you to be here by 2, when her surgery will be finished. The implantation will be slightly uncomfortable, like the routine exam we did today, and will take no more than 15 minutes. You are to stay away from any type of drugs and alcohol until we know if you are pregnant and then we can discuss it from there. We ask that you eat more salads and white meats during this time and abstain from intercourse."

"Aww Jeez," Luke muttered as he looked at his hands.

"Well, I guess that's pretty much my spiel," the doctor replied, chuckling slightly at Luke and Jackson's discomfort. "Are there any questions I can answer for you?" he replied thoughtfully.

"Uh, I have a question," Sookie said, as she looked up at the doctor. Seeing his look to continue, she glanced at Luke and Jackson and mouthed 'sorry' to them. "Um, since you are taking Lorelai's eggs out, and putting them in me only a few hours later, how will this work, I mean, uh, I don't have to, uh" she stopped their glancing uncomfortably at Luke who was extremely red.

The doctor chuckled and looked at the nervous woman. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh, I don't know how I breezed by that part. During Lorelai's surgery, the eggs will be removed immediately and a nurse will bring the sample into a lab room where I will aid the fertilization process with science.

During this time Lorelai will complete her surgery, and then afterwards we will implant you. This procedure used to take a lot of time, but with the medical marvels we have experienced in the field of genetics over the past couple of years, the process will be quite quick, taking no more than 2 hours.

Now I want to caution you. As this is not a natural pregnancy it is possible that the egg may not take, so you will need to make a decision if you want to freeze more eggs to be on the safe side or not. Did that clear that up for you?" he smiled gently at the quiet group.

"Uh, I think we're good for now thanks," Lorelai replied a bit distracted.

"Okay, I'm going to go round up the test results so I will be back in about 10 minutes.

Lorelai couldn't help but think back to last night. She had been sitting outside on Sookie's patio set, knees pressed into her stomach, as tears streamed down her face. Could this really be happening? Could Sookie really carry their baby? She felt someone sit beside her and she looked up to see Sookie sitting, placing a box of Kleenex on the table in front of her.

It had been a long and emotional talk. For the first 20 minutes she had listened to Sookie talk about her and Jackson's talk, how they were aware of the situation and what it entailed and how she wanted to be the one who carried the child. Though a weird way to bring it up, she had said, Jackson was right. This would save money, as they would be doing just as Luke had mentioned, keeping the money between them. She did not want to be paid to do this; she just wanted to be able to help out.

This is what had snapped Lorelai from her fog. She had explained the intricacies, and little hidden costs that had been explained to her by the agency in Hartford. If they were even going to consider doing this, something would have to be arranged, besides she had reasoned, the hospital doing the implantation required a contract to be signed.

They had proceeded to enter the house to find Jackson and Luke doing dishes, and quietly talking about Sookie and Jackson's offer. They had decided to sit down and talk over dessert. It was quickly decided that there was no point in making a decision just yet, as they had to make sure that Sookie would be healthy and ready to carry a baby, as most surrogates took medications ahead of time to prepare their bodies.

"Alright everyone," Dr. Bates said as he entered the room, "the results are in."

"So we'll just go over the basics and then questions can be asked at the end. Luke, you passed the test," the doctor replied with a chuckle. Luke turned 15 shades of red and hung is head, praying that the doctor would take the attention off of himself soon.

"Sookie, as I said to you earlier, I don't understand why you're doctor recommended you stay on the prenatal vitamins after giving birth, but it worked out in our interests. You're results showed that your uterus lining is strong enough to carry a baby, and the prenatal vitamins have kept your body in strong shape to support a baby," the doctor said as he smiled up at her.

"Lorelai, not much has changed on your front. I would love to give you some miraculous news, but we will still need to do surgery. You have worsened slightly, which is natural seeing as we haven't done testing in the last 2 weeks. I would say the stress of everything probably exasperated the condition slightly, but that is to be expected, as it is stressful news.

Now, we will have to give both you, and Sookie some injections before you leave but nothing unusual. Sookie, yours is a larger shot of vitamins than a prenatal vitamin can give you, it will just up your immune system a bit more.

Lorelai yours is some medication that will cause your uterus to stop contracting so tightly, this will help with the pains you mentioned to me earlier," he stops as he sees the worried looks the three are shooting her.

"I would definitely recommend that you share this information with your friends Lorelai. I know it's uncomfortable but you are all in a very unique situation where communication is key. Speaking of which, I was able to secure you an appointment tomorrow morning with a surrogate counsellor. She is excellent at what she does and she helps you to see the little things that can be overlooked, which cause problems later. I know this is last minute but I suggest you all go to the appointment.

Now I don't want to overload you with any more information than necessary, so are their any more questions?"

"Can you give us a bit more information about this counselling session you mentioned?" Jackson asked.

"Actually," Dr. Bates replied, "I can do a bit better." Leaning over to his fax machine he pulled out a stack of paperwork that must have arrived at some point during the meeting.

"Dr. Donna sent me these. She would like you to all take a copy and go through them individually tonight and then you will all go over it tomorrow as a group. It includes, short questionnaires on your belief systems, what you know about surrogacy and what to expect, as well, it has some scenarios that arose for past clients which they found problematic. The goal of this is to see where you are all coming from, and realize that there will on occasion be thoughts and feelings that seem irrational, but that communication is key to avoid problems later.

"What do you mean irrational thoughts?" Sookie questioned, sounding scared.

"Now, I'm doing this off the top of my head," the doctor replied, "but lets see. I'll try to give each of you an example." He riffled through the papers and stopped as he found some examples.

"Okay, lets see. The physical mother in this scenario felt it was hard to bond sometimes with the fetus because it was not growing inside of her. She was scared that when the baby was born it would always have a stronger bond with the surrogate mother."

As the doctor talked, Luke could see from the corner of his eye the look of worry in Lorelai's eyes. He reached over and took her hand, giving it a quick squeeze, before turning his attention back to the doctor.

"The father found it hard to find his role in the situation. As he was not married to the surrogate, he felt uncomfortable going to ultrasounds, and doctor's appointments. He would also get upset because he would want to touch the surrogate mother's stomach, or listen to his baby's heartbeat, but felt it was inappropriate to do that."

Knowing how shy Luke was, and how uncomfortable he could get, Lorelai gently stroked his hand and gazed at him out of the corner of her eye. His head was down and he looked sad. She could see that this could be a potential issue for him, and was glad the doctor had brought to their attention the need for a counsellor. Realizing she hadn't been listening, Lorelai kept rubbing Luke's hand, but put the rest of her focus back on the doctor.

"In this case, the surrogate's partner had an issue with the child not being his. Though he knew going into it, and knew rationally that she had not cheated, there would be days where he would be upset knowing she would be giving birth, and it was not going to be his child."

Lorelai watched Sookie and Jackson. Jackson had a pensive look on his face, and Sookie had her head tilted to one side, trying to get him to look up at her. Nodding to himself, Jackson looked up and shared a small smile with his wife before continuing to listen to the doctor.

"Sookie, as you can hear from the partner's perspective in that example, there can be some jealousy, but it can also happen to you. There are going to be times when you are going to have to reassure yourself that this is Lorelai's and Luke's baby. You are the central piece of the puzzle; you need to keep in mind that you tie everyone together.

So, like I said there are always more things popping up that you wouldn't expect going in, but this is why counselling and open communication are key.

Unfortunately I have to cut this short. I have one other appointment this afternoon and it is coming up quite quickly. Are there any other questions or concerns?"

Everyone remained quiet and finally Lorelai spoke up.

"No, I think we're on a bit of information overload here but thank you for making time to meet with us," Lorelai replied graciously.

The doctor stood up, and the four friends quickly followed suit. Heading to the door, Lorelai watched as Jackson wrapped his arm protectively around Sookie and she leaned closely into him. She prayed to herself that one day she would find a man who would love her as completely as Jackson loved her best friend.

Authors note: NEED HELP! TiaRat brought this up in the review from last chapter and I have been struggling with this though since I started the story...the parents! I definitely want them to find out about the surgery, but I have been thinking of telling them afterwards. I think it's something Lorelai would do. She tried to go in and tell them (early chapter) and they hurt her by jumping to pregnancy conclusions. I would love to hear if you think I should have them find out the day of/before surgery or wait till afterwards. So again, please review, tell me what you

A) think of the story – the good the bad and the ugly

B) think about the details about the surrogacy and later for the aftercare of the hysterectomy

C) when her parents should find out

I don't have the next chapter waiting as I will be waiting on this info. Thanks everyone for reading and Happy New Year to you all!


	16. Chapter 16

Hey everyone thanks for all your help with the ideas for upcoming chapters. Obviously I can't use them all but I am very appreciative of the time effort and thought put into them. Sorry for the delay but here is your next chapter of True Blue. Beta-ing will resume next chapter as I have had a very generous offer from DramaQueen1103 but I wanted to get this out ASAP, so a special thanks again to DramaQueen1103 who will be my new beta!

Chapter 16

Staring down at the tiny hospital gown, Lorelai clenched her teeth and fought back tears. So much had been happening, and in so little time. Always liking to keep busy, she had found this to be a good thing, but now as the time had would down, and the moment was upon her, she realized that she should have spent more time preparing herself for this moment. With so many thoughts and preparations for the possible surrogacy, she had done a good job of forgetting why the surrogacy was necessary in the first place. Looking again in the mirror, she tied the small straps tightly together, trying to hide herself modestly in the skimpy material, and to will back the wall of secrecy she could so easily mask herself behind.

It had been a long week, made longer still by the nagging doubts that filled her mind. It had started out with the trip to the specialist. Nothing new to report there, the struggling spark of hope had been extinguished when the doctor confirmed that no miracle would be coming her way, and that she would have to continue through with the treatment, her chance to physically have another baby fully slipping through her clenched fingers.

Tuesday had reconfirmed Monday. They had all set down to discuss what Dr. Bates had told them the day before, this time with another added presence, Rory. The mood had been solemn, Dr. Donna, the surrogacy counsellor had tried to keep it upbeat, but with the looming surgery everyone had been on edge. Rory had sat precariously on the edge of her chair, balancing her notebook as she had taken in depth notes of the conversation. The conversation had been exactly what Dr. Bates had warned of, but had helped them get their footing when it came to the open communication that would be needed.

After all of the talk Lorelai knew that she needed to tell her parents. They had openly discussed it, Rory having pushed the topic to the surface, and the others had latched onto it just as eagerly. She had felt justified in not telling them, reminding them that she had tried, and had been run out of the house as if she had done something wrong. The counsellor had gently pried more details from her and helped Lorelai to see how hurt her parents would be, and how much more strain would be added to their already rocky relationship. That yes, her parents had jumped to conclusions, and had hurt her, but to keep this from them would not be beneficial and that the revenge of this secret would definitely not be sweet.

She had returned home that night, hell bent on telling her parents the following day. Rory had told her she would go and support her, flashing the 'doe eyes' if necessary to diffuse the situation, but it was of no use. As she listened to the disparaging remarks that Emily had left on her answering machine for her hasty exit, and the weeks with no contact, Emily had shot down any chance by telling her that she was now out of town and dinners WOULD resume the Friday after next. Punching the delete button on the machine forcefully, she sighed. She could try to track them down, but no details had been left for her as to their whereabouts. Sighing loudly she decided to abandon that idea as she had too much else on her plate at the moment to try and juggle something else.

Wednesday had passed quickly. Sookie had tried forcefully to remove Lorelai from the inn, but with its sale looming in mere days Lorelai had insisted that she needed to run through the place with a fine-toothed comb. Finally giving up, Sookie had brought her something to eat, and left mumbling something about giving her an hour. Lorelai had proceeded to lose all track of time, memorizing every inch of her beloved home. She had been shocked when she felt the bed dip beside her and looked over to see Luke.

She knew Sookie must have called him, and that he must have been searching the inn for a long time before thinking to come check the potting shed. Then again, maybe not. Luke seemed to get her, he understood her on a level no one else beside Rory had mastered. He had sat with her, his arm wrapped around her shoulders, drawing her to him. They had not spoke, he just held her while she cried. Finally she had stood up, took his hand and left, her other hand running the length of the walls, caressing it in a silent goodbye.

The following day, as promised had been filled with her daughter. Rory had tried to push her to talk, and when that failed had told her to pick their activities for the day. Rory's forced upbeat attitude had been getting to her, and she had to keep reminding herself to calm down, that Rory didn't need to see how scared she was. The words of the doctor about open communication were flying around her head, but she felt to be a good mother she had to bare this cross alone. They had finally decided on going through Rory's old baby things. They dawdled over her little baby clothes and toys, wondering if any of it could be used if Sookie did end up pregnant, and had oohed and aawed over pictures of Rory as a child. Finally they had curled up on the bed, just after supper knowing that the following morning would come much too quickly.

It had been about 4 in the morning when Lorelai woke. She had looked at her sleeping daughter curled up on the bed beside her but could not return to sleep. Slinking out carefully from below her daughter's arm she had made her way into the kitchen and grabbed a notebook from the junk drawer and preceded to pour her heart out to her loved ones. When finished she had hid the letters in her room on top of the baby clothes that they had put to the side.

Reaching to open the sterile hospital door, she took a steadying breath ready to face her nightmare. It was almost time. With a quick peak over her shoulder to the tiny mirror she took another deep breath and affixed the smile to her face and opened the door. She saw Luke staring out the window, the only one currently in the room. She thought of what he had to face today, his impending visit to a lone room with a sterile cup giving her the ability to crack a small smile.

He turned to face her, his eyes sad. Wanting to do anything to take the look from his face she stuck a flirty pose in the bathroom doorway, body pressed to the door jam, gazing over her shoulder at him she smoothed her hand along her leg, lifting the robe just slightly and breathed out "let me give you something to think about while your all alone in that room later today," she giggled out.

He glared at her, and then the sad look returned to his face. It only took 4 long strides and he was across the room with her enveloped in his arms, his face buried in her neck.

"Don't do that, not today, okay?" he breathed out. The sound was pleading, almost broken. It took everything she had not to crack, but she refused to show how scared she was. She once again summoned her courage, pasting on her fake smile. Pulling back from him slightly, she looked up and almost lost her composure. Regaining it she quickly pulled way and smiled at him.

"It's going to be okay Luke, I'll see you in a couple of hours okay?" she said as she pulled completely away from him. She turned away from him, biting her lip to keep from crying, and walked over to the cold hospital bed looming in front of her.

He was still standing there, unmoved even after losing her bodies warmth. He looked down at his feet, his hand unconsciously rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"Okay," he all but whispered.

She watched as he turned away from her and slowly started walking to the door. Bowing her head she bit her lip to fight back the tears that were threatening. Playing with her fingers, she waited for the sound of the door opening and closing but it never came. Looking up she found Luke standing directly in front of the door, head pressed against the cold wooden door, hand gripped tightly on the handle, his whole body trembling from his suppressed feelings.

"Luke," she whispered in the same tone he had used. When he did not move or answer her she climbed slowly from the bed and stood behind him.

She watched as his muscles tensed as he felt her come closer, how he was trying his damnedest to control his body. Ever so slowly, she ran her hand along the muscles of his back inching her way up until she was running her fingertips along his shoulder and into the curls at the back of his neck.

"I'm scared too," she whispered. She watched as her hand shook as she ran it along the back of his neck. When she heard him inhale sharply at her words, she ran her hand down from his neck along the muscles in his arm and leading her hand to his. Twining her fingers with his she pulled him from the door turning him to face her.

They were touching, just barely, but enough for Lorelai to not know if she was shacking because of her own nerves or Luke's. He looked defeated. His head hung low, his arms dangled at his sides, one gripped tightly to hers. She took a close look at him, and realized he looked like he hadn't slept in days. Using her free hand, she ran her smooth hand along his scruffy face and let out a small sob as he pushed his face into her hand, her other hand gripped tightly by his.

She felt the vibrations through her hand first, before she processed his strangled words.

"I won't leave you," she answered him quietly.

"Promise me," he whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion.

"I promise I'll never leave you," she whispered.

He looked at her and it almost broke her heart. She saw the doubt and fear in his eyes and spoke up again, this time louder and in more control of her emotions.

"I promise I will never leave you," she said resolutely gazing directly into his eyes, her hand still grazing his cheek drawing him closer to her.

"I love you," he whispered as their lips connected.

It was soft and sweet, heartfelt and intense. It was bittersweet and full of emotion. She pulled him closer to her, pressed up against him. It wasn't sexual, it wasn't a need to feel him, it was a need to be part of him, to prove her self to him. He pulled her closer to him, one hand wrapped around her waist, the other buried deeply in his hair.

A sudden taste of salt tinged her lips and she felt him slowly pull away from her. Their eyes locked as he smoothed his hand along the side of her face, returning the sentiment she had offered him just moments before.

"Okay," said an overly cheery nurse, "let's get you ready for some of the good stuff," she said pushing her cart of supplies ahead of her as she entered the room.

"Ready?" Luke asked her gently.

"Yea," she answered just as softly.

He stood quietly, holding her free hand as the I.V. was inserted into her other arm. Their eyes locked the entire time, until she flinched from the prick of the needle. Before he could react the nurse finished prepping her, and was laying her equipment back on the cart.

As the nurse left the room Sookie entered. Sharing a quick look with her, Luke looked down, sharing a comforting gaze with Lorelai, kissed her forehead and left the room.

"He loves you, you know," Sookie said gently. With a small sob she continued, "we all do."

"Come here," Lorelai beckoned to her.

Looking as if she was trying to decide what to do, Sookie lowered her head, bit her lip and stared at her shoes. Without warning she came barrelling over to the bed Lorelai lay on and clamped onto her hand and started to cry softly.

"Sookie," Lorelai said softly, "babe, I need you to pull it together, between you and Luke, you guys are nervous wrecks. I need you to hold it together for Rory. I'm fine, I'm going to be fine."

As Sookie sniffled, looking piteously at her friend Lorelai took her hand and spoke again, softer still.

"You know I love you guys too, you're my best friends. What you guys are willing to do for me is amazing, I could never ask for friends more amazing than you. Sook, you're my Diana, you're my bosom friend," Lorelai said giggling.

"I always hated that part of the movie, couldn't they have come up with something better?" Sookie said, her mood lifting slightly with Lorelai's chatter.

After giggling for a few seconds, Lorelai sobered. "Sookie," she whispered. "I could never ask for a better friend than you. You're true blue, I can always depend on you, you're loyal and unwavering in your support of me, and you've always taken care of me, and Rory. I'm so glad I met you Sook."

"Stop it," Sookie yelled, startling herself and Lorelai. "Stop talking like that, like you're not going to make it," she said, her words tumbling out, getting quieter as she spoke.

"I'm sorry, I know everything will be fine," Lorelai said, trying to placate her friend. "It's just one of those things, you never tell people how you feel until," taking a deep breath she continued, "until something like this happens."

There was a knock at the door, interrupting them from their heartfelt moment. Dr. Bates poked his head in and smiled at the two best friends before entering with Rory on his heels.

"Lorelai," he said. "I can definitely see how you have been raising your daughter to be a journalist. She's been questioning and quizzing me for the last half hour," he said sharing a grin with her.

Rory looked down slightly embarrassed and Dr. Bates elbowed her gently, and smiled at her, letting her know he was just joking with her.

"Yea, she's pretty good at that," Lorelai said returning his grin. "So, I guess it's about that time, huh Doc?"

"Do you have any last questions before we go?" he asked her.

"No, but could I just have a couple of minutes with my daughter please?"

"Of course, I'm going to go scrub up, and the orderlies will come when I'm ready," he said as he left the room.

Looking down at her best friend, Sookie bent down and kissed her forehead as Luke had done before. "See ya in a couple of hours cupcake," she said as she started to release her hand.

Grabbing hold tightly Lorelai pulled her closer and whispered urgently, "you don't have to do this, Sook. I'd understand."

"Nothing changes," Sookie replied resolutely, before turning to Rory. "See you in a few minutes kitten," she said before leaving the room.

Rory just stood there, biting her lip, staring at her mother lying in the hospital bed.

"Come here," Lorelai said, making room for her daughter, and holding her arms out.

Slowly Rory made her way over to the bed and climbed into her mother's arms crying softly.

"It's going to be okay," Lorelai replied soothingly, running her hands over her daughter's silken hair. "You have been the best thing to EVER happen to me, do you think I would do anything to jeopardize that? No way kid," she responded answering her own question.

"I'm scared," Rory whispered softly, holding on tighter to her mother.

"Babe, I am not going anywhere. I have too much to live for. I have to see you graduate and get your first real job; I have to see you fall in love and get married. I have to pace the hallways as you're in labour, and spoil my grandchild rotten. Hell, I had better be falling in love and getting married to, while were at it," she said giggling as she stroked her daughter's hair.

Rory sniffled and looked up at her. "You will, you will have all that, just stick around for it okay?

With an abrupt knock the door opened and 2 orderlies walked in.

'Jesus,' Lorelai thought, they must train the employees to know when to ruin a moment she contemplated, thinking over every heartfelt moment that had been interrupted that day. Hugging her daughter to her, she pressed a quick kiss to her forehead, knowing how comforting Sookie and Luke's parting had been for her.

"Okay, Kid, let's get this show on the road."

She watched her daughter climb slowly from the bed, and she shifted back into the center. Holding her hand out she waited for Rory to take it.

"Every lady needs a pretty escort," she said to Rory, tightening her grip on her daughter's hand.

As the orderlies rolled the bed down the corridor towards the big double doors, she watched as Luke Jackson and Sookie all stood up from their seats. As they approached the orderlies informed Rory that she could go no further.

Hanging back she watched as Jackson encircled his arms around Sookie, and she leaned back into him.

Letting go of Rory's hand she raised it to her face and brushed a stray hair from her daughter's face.

"I love you Mom," Rory said as she tried to keep from breaking down. Seeing her fighting a losing battle, Luke stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Rory pulling her back to his chest tightly.

"I love you too baby," Lorelai croaked out, as her hand slipped from Rory's.

Trying to break the tension, Sookie called out, "we'll be waiting here for you. I love you, Anne with an 'E'.

As she was wheeled through the doors, Lorelai looked over her shoulders and blew them all a kiss. As the doors closed behind Lorelai Rory held tightly to Luke's arm and looked up at him and watched as he watched the swinging doors.

"That makes you Gil," she said quietly as she buried herself in the feeling of his soft flannel.


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey all, here's the next installment. Thanks to everyone for their reviews, and PM's which definitely make me work faster and harder at getting another chapter out. **

**Thanks again to DramaQueen1103 for Beta-ing!**

**Chapter 17**

It had been 3 days since the surgery, and although she was not feeling 100%, Lorelai was feeling a lot better then she had been. It was her big day, the day she would finally be released from the hospital. She was glad to be leaving not only for all the normal reasons, but also because the sooner she left the sooner she could move on with her life.

Rory was her constant companion, and had been unwilling to leave the hospital for even a moment. She came prepared before the surgery, with a bag packed with clothes for both herself and her mother, and enough textbooks and binders to stock a library.

Though she tried, Lorelai was unable to rid herself of nurse Rory. Her daughter had bundled herself up in a corner of the room in an uncomfortable looking chair and used the window ledge as her writing surface. When it became clear late Friday night that she would not be leaving, Luke went to the crap shack and grabbed one of the TV trays that sat lovingly beside the couch, and brought it back to the hospital. Along with the tray he found a camping chair that had been long forgotten about and he teased Lorelai mercilessly about it.

He took the time to set up the corner by the window making it a bit better for Rory. Setting her books along the windowsill he placed the camping chair beside it, with the TV tray acting as a make shift desk. Her laptop rested precariously on the tray as she typed notes furiously.

With the permission of the doctors, Luke was supplying the girls with foods he prepared at home.

To be honest, he was not happy with Lorelai's wishes, but was respecting them. She'd decided that at this point she didn't want the town to know about the surgery and wouldn't let Luke or Sookie spend a lot of time at the hospital. She said it was bad enough that she had disappeared but that if both of her best friends took a weekend retreat from town too, the town gossips would be sure to know something was up. So as it stood, Luke was left to work the long shifts at the diner while he worried feverishly about her. After closing he would make his way to the hospital for the last 30 to 40 minutes of the posted visiting hours, though much of the time he would hide out in the bathroom while the nurse came to make sure everyone, with the exception of a stubborn Rory, had left, thus providing himself some extra time with his favorite customer.

Sookie on the other hand was not willing to listen to Lorelai's demands. She explained that she had nothing to do; Luke may be able to work and keep himself busy but with the Independence Inn now officially closed and the catering business she had started, at an almost stand still, she was going crazy. After much debate she finally relented to Lorelai's wishes and would only come and visit during the lunch rush, knowing that most of the town would be residing at Luke's, and wouldn't notice her constant in and out of town travel.

Though saddened to be in the hospital, Lorelai would be the first to admit that her eating schedule had never been so good. Luke would come late at night with her late night supper, and leave food for her breakfast. Though much healthier than she would prefer, his food was so good that she hardly noticed its nutritional value. When the food would run out in the morning she would have to wait less than an hour for Sookie to come bearing her daily delicacies. Sookie would pack a lunch and many snacks to get her through the day.

Lorelai was dazed in thought and not paying much attention to her surroundings. She was snapped from her thoughts when she heard the doctor clear his throat.

"What's up Doc?" she asked before bursting into giggles.

Dr. Collins rolled his eyes at her antics, he was getting quite used to the random wise cracks that she would throw at him as he entered.

"Well I see you're feeling in good spirits today," he replied kindly.

"Of course, today is the day I break free, I will be a free bird, no longer subject to the horrors of hospital food," she said as she grinned up at him.

"Not that you've seen any of it," he said eyeing Sookie and Luke warmly.

"Ok Doc," she said rubbing her palms together. "So give it to me straight, I am getting out of here tonight…right?" she asked sobering quickly.

"Well I still don't like the idea of releasing you at night, I find that slightly unorthodox, but I understand your wishes and as long as you feel good enough to go home then that will be what happens."

She leaned her head back in the pillows and sighed thinking of how she wanted to be snuck into her house after all of the crazy people of Stars Hollow had gone to bed. "Let's get this show on the road," she replied warily, giving everyone a clear look to get out of her room so the exam could go as quickly as possible.

When the quick examination ended the doctor excused himself from the room and met the group waiting patiently for him in the hallway.

"So as you know Lorelai should not be left alone for long periods of time in the next couple of days so I was wondering who will be staying with her, or if you planned on hiring a nurse?"

"I will," responded both Rory and Luke, who eyed each other warily.

"Oh no way, Kid," he said looking at her with his patented scowl, arms crossed tightly across his flannel. When she opened her mouth to speak he continued without pause."You have been here all weekend and you have school. You will not put your schooling in jeopardy. Between me and Sookie, she'll be taken care of." Noticing the look of apprehension he continued on. "Look," he said uncrossing his arms and moving towards her, "you've had all weekend, I gave you the entire weekend without pause, and," he continued in a fatherly voice, "I even stood up for you when she tried to kick you out. "It's my turn, let me do this."

Biting her lip, she looked up from her shoes and looked him dead in the eye. Not knowing what to say she just nodded mutely, knowing he was right, and that he would take good care of her.

"Alright," the doctor said, "I just need Luke to follow me, we'll just be a minute and then you can enter," he said opening the door to the room for them to walk through.

Lorelai looked up wearily, and her eyes moved between the two men.

"So," Lorelai drawled out, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Well I've talked to Dr. Bates and he is happy with everything on his end and feels that you are okay to be released, as for what I have seen on my exam everything is good, with the exception of the weakness you are displaying." When Lorelai opened her mouth to speak, he lifted his hand in a quick motion to stop her. "Everything else is good, but you shouldn't be alone, if I thought that you were going to be left alone I wouldn't be releasing you. You're a very lucky woman, Ms. Gilmore, you have people who care about you and were arguing over who would take care of you, but as you can see, we have a winner," he said motioning towards Luke. "I want you on bed rest for the next 3 to 4 days. You will not get up for more than an hour a day, total. That does not mean you can do what you want for an hour, that hour will be the sum total of the times you get up to do something by yourself, such as using the bathroom. I don't want you to think you're stronger than you are, because you will end up back in here for a much longer time," he smiled at her as she rolled her eyes. "Now that we have gone over all the things you can't do, and I know how you feel about not being able to bathe in the next few days but you're going to have to get over it," he added gently seeing the scowl on her face. Seeing the confused look on Luke's face, he explained. "Due to the surgery and what it entails, Lorelai cannot have a bath as the surgery site cannot get wet. As for a shower, she may be able to in time, or if someone helps her, but it still isn't recommended. "I'm very wary of her doing things alone, she is incredibly weak, weaker than I would like her to be, but other than that she is fine and I don't want to keep her here if she can be at home."

Nodding his head at the doctor, Luke looked at Lorelai, who was wearing a stern expression, almost challenging him to tell her she couldn't do as she pleased. (I love this statement, it seems so Lorelai like.)

"Oh no," Luke almost laughed looking at her crossly. "Don't give me dirty looks, or the pout," he said as her trademark pout was about to make a play. "You heard him, and you know me well enough to know I'm going to follow his orders." Ignoring Luke, Lorelai brought forth the pout in all its glory.

Shaking his head at her, with a small smirk on his face Luke faced the doctor. "You know," he said, "I may not be able to handle her, it might be better if she stayed another couple of nights," he finished, turning to her with a raised eyebrow.

"Ugg," she huffed. "Fine, fine, I promise to be good, and obey the cranky one here, please just let me go," she said turning her infamous pout onto the doctor.

"You're free to go," he said smiling back at them. "Dr. Bates has set an appointment for you for next Wednesday. I want to mention though, that if there are any issues, or if the dizziness gets worse, then you are to come back here immediately."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," she cried happily as she clapped her hands.

"Alright I'm going to go, Luke why don't you follow me, and we'll give the girls some time to get her dressed and ready to go," He turned back to Lorelai, "that way you can sign the release forms and be out of here as soon as possible."

Smiling, Lorelai blew the doctor and Luke a big cheesy kiss as they left the room, and watched contently as Rory and Sookie entered.

* * *

It was late when the foursome exited the hospital. With promises to both Rory and Sookie, Luke convinced the girls to leave. Sookie, leaving first, had to return to Stars Hollow, and because she didn't want to leave, Lorelai convinced her to be their 'inside man, arriving first to the Hollow and making sure the good towns folk were indeed in bed. With a blinding smile, Sookie left for her clandestine mission.

Though weary, Rory had been quick to follow. With so much of her stuff in the hospital room, Luke had to make multiple trips to get all of her belongings into her car, leaving the Gilmore girls some time to say goodbye. Though she wanted to return earlier, she finally promised her mother that the next time they would meet would be for Friday night dinner.

It was a short drive home. Luke listening to the music Lorelai turned on, and didn't mind as it cut in and out of the station straining to continue. As he pulled onto her street he noticed her for the first time her sleeping form. She looked exhausted. Backing into her driveway, he put the truck into park and got out, leaving his door open so that he would not wake her. Walking around to the other side he opened her door and unclasped the seatbelt. Looking at Babette's dark house, he sighed, hoping no one was watching, and gently lifted her into his arms carrying her to her house.

After struggling with the keys, he finally got the door open and laid her gently on the couch. Returning through the still open door he quietly closed it then jogged over to the passenger side door of his truck and closed it as silently as he could. Getting into the still open driver's side door he pulled out of the driveway heading as quickly as he could to park the truck in its rightful place behind the diner. He hated leaving her, even for a few minutes, but he knew how she felt about the town knowing something was wrong, and his big green truck sitting in her driveway would be a big green beacon to the nosey neighbors of theirs.

Panting, after running back to her house from the diner, he bent down in front of her door, trying to catch his breath. After a moment he opened the door and entered the darkened house. Not finding her where he left her on the couch he began to panic. Noticing the small light radiating from the fridge he quickly entered the kitchen.

"What are you doing up," he almost growled, still panting from the exertion of the run back.

"God, could you be a little louder next time," she said clutching at her heart, before closing the fridge door.

Taking her in his arms he led her over to the table where he tried to sit her down. Struggling against him she finally whispered, "It hurts to sit."

Surprised by her vulnerable tone, he apologized gently and picked her up into his arms, heading for her bedroom.

"Luke," she gasped out, surprised by suddenly being in his arms. "You don't need to carry me, I'm fine, I promise." She tried to resist. Ignoring her protests, he continued to carry her up to her room, and laid her gently on the bed.

Looking around she gasped. She was surprised when she work up alone on the couch and called out to Luke. When she got no answer she carefully got off the couch and moved around the darkened house. Even in the dark she could see how clean it was. Nothing was on the floor, cluttering her entryway as it was on a daily basis. Running her hand along the side table on the way to the kitchen she noticed that there was no sticky film residing on her finger, as there normally would be but when she opened the door to the fridge she was not surprised, it was stocked full, no take out in site, only fresh vegetables and many containers clearly labeled in Sookie's chef scrawl.

Looking around the bedroom now, it shouldn't have surprised her that half of her living room now resided in her bedroom. Her TV, VCR and DVD player had been set up at the end of her bed, remote, magazines, and movie choices piled high on her bedside table.

"What did you do?" she asked him gently when she finally found her voice.

He blushed slightly and looked down avoiding her eyes, and she continued on unfazed.

"You must have spent every minute here Luke, I know how messy this place was and from what I've seen it's now spotless. I've got a fridge full of food and my living room is now in my bedroom," she said looking at him in wonder.

"Sookie got to your fridge before I did," he said, looking almost embarrassed that he was beaten to the punch on that one fact.

"Luke," she said softly.

"I threw some veggies and stuff in, but the rest was all her," he returned gently.

Watching as she yawned, and followed it up with a bashful smile, he moved towards the bed and lifted the corner slightly so she could slip in under the covers.

* * *

She woke up to the sound of a strangled grunt. Jumping back against the pillows she looked towards the end of her bed bemusedly.

"God Luke, you scared me," she said resting her hand dramatically over her heart, giggling slightly.

"You kicked me in the face," he mumbled still half asleep.

She had to laugh. This wasn't the first time this week she had woke him that way. Since she had returned from the hospital, 4 nights ago, she woke up the same way, every day.

Luke would be in a chair pulled up to the bottom of the bed, arms laid out under his head, which would be resting on the bottom right hand corner. She tried to force him to go back to his apartment, but when that failed she offered him a place to stay. She first offered him Rory's bed and he returned to her a resounding no, then she tried the lumpy mass downstairs that she called a couch which inserted an eye roll, and finally she offered to share her own queen sized bed with him this time his only response was a softer no, but a no nonetheless. When she gave him 'the look' he just shrugged it off and said he wanted to be near enough to help her, but not near enough to possibly hurt her.

"We need to stop meeting up like this," she giggled as she watched him rub his face and neck tiredly, obviously trying to rub out the kinks. He just rolled his eyes at her. "Now I love watching those strong muscles of yours as you hoist that chair over your head every night, but the reason I get you to keep bringing the chair downstairs is so that you'll actually sleep down there," she said cheekily, with a fake scowl on her face.

"Huh," he said, giving enough of an answer as to not be ignoring her.

She sighed loudly and started to get out of the bed. Jumping up quickly, he was at her side before she could so much as blink.

"I have to pee," she stated petulantly.

"Okay," he said wrapping his arm around her waist.

"You're not watching," she said scrunching up her face at him.

"Damn, too bad," he muttered sarcastically, rolling his eyes at her as he moved her towards the bathroom door.

"I want to take a shower," she whined as they entered the bathroom.

"You know the rules," he said as he left closing the door behind him.

"Wait for Sookie," she muttered under her breath.

She was getting so sick of having a shower buddy; yet everyday she would abide by Luke's rules and wait for Sookie's visit. She didn't know why he was still enforcing the silly rule on her, as her dizziness was less apparent with every passing day.

When she finished her morning routine, sans shower (Sans is fine but you may want to use a more recognizable term, for example: minus the shower,) she exited the bathroom. She watched as Luke, with a quick jump, leapt off of her bed and rushed to her side. In the few minutes she'd been in the bathroom, Luke somehow managed to drift off to sleep, but when he heard the bathroom door click, his eyes snapped open, and he jumped to his feet.

She was getting annoyed by his steadfast loyalty, but knew how lucky she was to have such a great friend. In order for people to not notice his absence from the diner, he had arranged for Caesar to work split shifts and Lane to work nights. This way, he was able to go in for the lunch and dinner rush while Sookie visited with her. He was pushing himself to the limits and burning the candle at both ends, and it was all for her.

Deciding to show him how much his actions meant to her, she smiled up at him, as his arm encircled her waist. "So, I was thinking I should make breakfast today." At his look of horror, she laughed and smacked him gently on the arm. "Hey," she said indignantly, "I'll have you know I make a mean poptart," she said as he helped her down the stairs.

"I'll pass," he muttered while steadying her on their decline.

"Your loss," she said dramatically, and laughed when she saw him roll his eyes in a true Luke Danes fashion.

It was almost lunch time, and Luke and Lorelai were sitting side by side on her bed watching another cheesy chick flick of her choosing. She was starting to get hungry, but as Sookie would be feeding her shortly, Luke refused to even give her so much as a snack.

"But Luke," she whined dramatically. "You can't watch a movie without snacks."

"Get over it," he said, leaning his head back against the headboard.

It was then that she realized that he was trying to sleep. Sighing softly, she leaned against his arm and felt it span across her shoulders as he leaned into her. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep and she softly drifted off beside him.

She was awakened by the sound of the phone ringing beside her. She felt Luke stretch reaching over her, before handing her the phone.

"Hello," she mumbled.

Luke listened to the one-sided conversation and quickly realized what was going on. Seeing Lorelai's cell phone sitting on the nightstand, he quickly picked it up and walked into the bathroom, looking over his shoulder and whispered Caesar while motioning at the phone in his hand.

Lorelai quickly finished her call with Sookie, knowing that Martha's health had to come first, she definitely didn't want whatever Martha had to pass on to Davey. A household full of sick children didn't sound appealing to her, and she definitely would not wish it on her best friend.

Waiting patiently for Luke to return from his call, she thought about her inability to have a shower and he hated it. She was a regular bather, sometimes three times a day. It was bad enough that she couldn't relax in her tub surrounded by candles and bubble bath, but to not be able to have a shower made her feel dirty. She understood everyone's concern, but was sick of being treated like an invalid.

Luke emerged a minute later, and placed the cell phone back on her nightstand.

"She all right?" he asked her worriedly, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Yea, Martha has the sniffles and it's better to prepare for battle when it comes to little kids, before the whole house breaks out in colds and flu's."

He nodded and stood. "So what would you like for lunch?" he asked as he headed for the doorway.

She watched as he leaned on the doorframe waiting for her reply and smiled as she formed a devious plan.

"Um," she drawled out tapping her chin. He sighed and motioned for her to hurry it up.

"You know the longer you stall trying to come up with the perfect meal, the longer it will take me to make, meaning you'll probably die of starvation," he said ending his mini rant with a large dose of sarcasm.

She laughed, she loved his rants, and his lengthy retreat to the kitchen was exactly what she wanted. "Chicken and fries," she replied easily.

"Chicken is baked and fries are sweet potato, got it," he said sternly, "I don't want any complaints when I bring it up?"

She scowled playfully, and then heard her stomach growl. Laughing she rubbed it and fake saluted, "yes sir," she laughed.

When she heard the sounds of Luke's heavy footfall on the stairs she quickly eased herself out of the bed. "Got to do this quickly and quietly," she mumbled to herself.

She opened her drawer quietly and pulled out the clothes she wanted to wear for the day. Grabbing two fluffy towels she tiptoed to the bathroom, closing the door behind her as quietly as she could. She would normally let the water run, getting it to the perfect temperature before getting in, but knew this was not going to be the case today. Laying the towels on the closed toilet seat, she stripped down and got in the shower and turned the water on, setting the dial in the general vicinity of her normal temperature.

Downstairs Luke had just finished cutting the potatoes and putting them onto a cooking sheet. He heard the water begin to rush through the old pipes. Standing still with the pan still in hand he waited for it to stop. When he realized she was not washing her hands he quickly shoved the potatoes in the oven beside the chicken. Turning down the oven a bit, he took off, taking the stairs two at a time and entering Lorelai's room to find the bathroom door shut.

Banging on the bathroom door he growled, "Lorelai."

"Luke, I'm fine, I'll only be a couple of minutes," he could hear the cockiness in her voice and it annoyed him.

"I'm opening the door."

"No," she cried firmly.

"Yes, I won't come in but I want the door open so I can hear you if there's a problem."

He didn't wait for her response as he opened the door, the smell of her sweet shampoo drifted toward him. Stopping as the door reached the half waypoint, he let go and wandered over to the bed, turning off the TV on his way.

"I'm waiting on the bed," he yelled out. Giving himself a moment to calm his unsteady nerves, he mumbled more "be careful," more to himself than to her.

She was enjoying her shower, the lavender lather building up on her skin, and her honey suckle shampoo tingling her scalp. She was careful to avoid the middle part of her body. She wouldn't admit it to anyone, but on the first shower she had after her surgery she accidentally got her surgery site wet and it had hurt like a bitch! With Sookie sitting on the toilet seat waiting to help her at a moment's notice, she reacted instinctively and jumped back from the water, biting her lip to keep from crying out. She had not told Luke or Sookie about the incident but learned a valuable lesson.

She gently lathered the body wash in her hands under the spray of water, standing as far back from the stream of water as possible. Rubbing the lotion between her hands she lathered it from her knees down, and from breasts up. The same was done with her shampoo.

Bending down to start rinsing off her legs she felt a great rush of dizziness over take her. Holding tight to the shower bar she took steadying breaths. Damn she thought, I will not prove him right. Continuing to take deep breaths she thought she felt the dizziness pass and she tried once more to wash off her legs. Bending down again she was struck with the worst wave of dizziness yet. Grabbing hold of the shower bar, yet again, she couldn't help herself and cried out.

Having heard her cry, Luke came running. Standing just inside the bathroom doorway he rubbed his neck not knowing what to do.

"Lorelai, are you all right?" he asked.

"Yes," she cried out harshly, the pain and fear evident in her voice.

"Lorelai tell me what's going on," he demanded.

"I'm just dizzy, it will pass, just go back downstairs," she pleaded.

Ignoring her he continued. "How long have you been dizzy?"

"Luke please," she pleaded.

"How long?"

"About 5 minutes, it's getting better though, I swear."

Fearing he would see her, she quickly stood up trying to get herself under control and failing miserably.

"Oh," she cried out falling into the back wall, one hand grasped onto the shower bar, and the other braced onto the back of the glass shower door.

Hearing her cry, and seeing her hand planted hard into the glass he quickly jumped into action. Yanking open the front door of the shower he stuck his body half in, in order to turn off the shower. In his haste he stuck himself in further than he meant to and soaked his shirt before managing to get the faucet off.

"Don't look at me," she shouted. "Please," she begged.

It was bad enough to be treated like she was incapable of doing anything for herself, but now she had just proved to him that he had been right, that she wasn't as 100% as she was claiming to be. She felt weak and useless, the shell of her former self. She managed to hold herself together this past week, but she felt so empty. All the worries should have been gone by now, the pain in her chest should have been replaced with relief but it wasn't. Yes, she was glad to have survived the surgery, but she had not really given herself time to worry before and now that the stress was gone, a feeling of sadness and emptiness had settled in its wake.

Luke stayed head hung low staring at the front of the shower, water still dripping from the showerhead onto his flannel. He could hear _it_ in her voice. He had been waiting for _it_ this past week. The weakness and vulnerability she had been trying so hard to cover was now radiating in waves from her. He didn't want to turn around and see her so vulnerable. He was used to his Wonder Woman, his Gilmore Girl, and behind him she was falling apart at the seams.

"If I give you the towel can you get it around you?" he asked her quietly.

"I'll be fine Luke, I just need a minute. I'm covered in body wash and I still have shampoo in my hair, just give me a minute to get my balance," she said stubbornly, but weakly.

"Lorelai, I turned off the water almost 5 minutes ago," he said leaning his head against the front of the shower, terrified about what he was about to do. He started to lift his head to turn and help her when he heard her, her voice shattered.

"Luke, please, no, do not do this to me. Please!" He heard her start to cry and it was breaking his heart, but he was scared to leave her like that. He could feel the glass door shaking, from her trembling arms. Taking a deep breath he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Okay, you can finish your shower, but you have to trust me, okay?" he told her.

"What?" she asked, her voice still was sounding so broken to him.

"Do you trust me Lorelai?"

"Luke?"

"Yes or no Lorelai?"

"Yes," she started to say more but stopped when she saw him start to stand and back out of the shower.

"Shit, I'm soaked," he said more to himself than to her.

"What are you doing?" she questioned, her voice coming out small and child like.

"Just trust me," he said, pulling the shirts over his head and the socks from his feet. Standing there in nothing but his jeans, he took a deep breath before grabbing one of the fluffy towels and putting it over his shoulder. He opened the shower door and closed his eyes. He heard her sharp intake of breath and got into the shower and firmly closed the door behind him. He took the towel from his shoulder and spread it open, holding it from end to end as best he could in the confined space.

She was shocked by what he was doing. He stood before her in nothing but jeans, his chiselled chest heaving slightly, his eyes shut tight.

"I'm going to come towards you, when I'm close enough, just step into the towel and put your arms around my neck, okay?" he questioned, his soothing voice, doing so much to ease her nerves.

"I don't know if I can," she whispered hoarsely.

"Okay," he said just as quietly inching his way towards her.

He felt her body press up against his, through the soft material of the towel. Opening his eyes slowly he found her deep blue orbs staring back into his, a look of pure trust flitting across her face.

He gently slipped his arms around her waist, securing the towel around her, and holding it there with one hand, while the other hand slipped out and gently grasped the hand that was pushed into the glass shower door, gently moving it from the door to his neck. When he felt she was secure he pulled her slightly from the back wall, so her weight was resting on him, and felt her other arm hook around his neck.

Turning them sideways he held her tight with one arm, while the other stretched out and turned the water back on. He used his body to shield her from the stream, as he waited for the temperature to become just right. He angled the spray so it was going down as straight as possible, and then he turned them around so her back was to the stream of water.

"Do you have me?" he asked her quietly.

He felt her arms tighten a bit around his neck, and felt a soft 'yes' mumbled into his neck.

"Tilt your head back," he whispered gently.

Doing as he said, she tilted her head back as far as she could, and felt them slowly take a step forward, putting her head directly under the spray. She felt one arm loosen from her waist and move to her hair. She sighed deeply as she felt his hand moving in and out of her curls, slowly moving the stream of water through her hair, rinsing the shampoo out.

She felt so content, so safe. It amazed her how he could move her from feeling terrified and vulnerable to this relaxed. His one arm still wrapped around her waist holding her tightly to him, while also holding the towel in place, the other moving in and out of her hair, gently scratching her scalp. She moaned slightly and pushed herself tighter to him, at his sharp intake of breath she whispered sorry.

"S'ok," he whispered back holding her a little tighter to him.

"I think I got it all," he said, running his hand through her hair one last time before wrapping his now free arm around her.

"Conditioner," she sighed softly.

"Don't push your luck," he growled, listening as she sighed softly and leaned more into his body.

"I need you to turn around," he whispered.

"Huh," she questioned sleepily, opening her eyes to find his dark eyes trained on hers.

He loosened the towel slightly from her body, still making sure to keep her covered, while their eyes remained locked.

She looked at him, really looked at him and saw how he looked at her. He wasn't waiting for a moment to take a quick peak, hell he could have done that when he got in the shower with her. It was clear that he was trying so hard to keep from hurting her.

He saw the look of fear in her eyes, at the idea of falling from the dizziness.

"I've got you, I promise," she heard him reply to her unasked question.

Her arms trailed down from his neck following the planes of his shoulder and down to his forearms. When her hands stopped there, she kept one braced on his forearm, while the other trailed from its secure hold on his arm, across his chest and to meet her other hand which still lay resting on his arm. She was half turned at that point, but nervous. Leaning her head against his chest, she finished the turn, feeling his hands that once held the ends of the towel against her back, now holding them tightly, just under her breasts.

"Are your eyes closed?" she asked gently.

"Yes," he whispered.

"Do you got me?" she questioned.

"Yes," he replied, his voice hoarse.

She slowly moved her hands to rest on top of his. Holding the towel securely, Lorelai took one of his hands in hers, and moved it so it was sitting on top of the towel, holding her hipbone. Pulling the material gently, she felt it loosen from his fingers.

He also felt the material loosen and he knew she needed more to cover herself, gently releasing his hand from the towel, he moved it down her ribcage until it landed on her other hip. He held her loosely so that she was able to get enough material, but tightly enough to keep her balanced. Feeling the towel grow more secure under his hands, he realized she had knotted it firmly.

He watched in quiet desperation as she gently cupped water and ran it over her shoulders, neck and the tops of her breasts, gently guiding her hand down her arm and almost falling. He grabbed quickly to her, wrapping his one arm securely around her, and using the other hand to rinse the suds from her arm. When finished, he switched his hold so he was able to do the other arm.

He felt her push him backwards slightly. At first he thought she was falling, and he grabbed her pulling her tightly to him. He felt her push her bottom into him and take another step, giggling the entire time.

"Gez, you know you could have just told me to move," he growled, acquiescing, and moving a couple of steps back.

"Have to rinse my legs," she said, leaning back into him and lifting one leg under the stream, letting the water trickle from her knee down. When she thought it was finished, she gently stood, before doing the same with the other leg.

"All done," he asked when he felt her stand against him.

"Yea," she whispered softly.

Turing their bodies sideways again, he leaned forward and shut off the tap. He watched as the water trickled from the showerhead, finally slowing to a stop. Opening the shower door, he inched them towards it, his arms still wrapped around her waist.

"Hold on to me," he commanded, as he leaned half into the shower, his feet now on the drying mat, and sitting outside of the shower.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, and sighed as he gently picked her up, carrying her bridal style out of the bathroom, and finally sitting her on the edge of the bed.

"You okay here?" he asked, gently releasing her, eyes locked on hers, for any signs of distress.

She yawned and looked up at him. "So tired," she said as she scooted back on the bed towards her pillows. He watched as the towel started to rise along her legs, as she dragged her body back on the bed. Quickly he turned and went to the bathroom, retrieving her clothes, her other towel, as well as his wet flannel and socks.

"Do you want to get dressed," he asked quietly, eyeing her, sprawled out on the bed, wet hair laying half hazard across her pillow.

"Too tired," she whispered, almost asleep.

He covered her with the comforter at the end of the bed, and lifted her head, her arms automatically seeking out his neck. He gently wrapped the towel around her hair, trying to knot it on the top of her head, as he had seen Rachel do so many times before, but failing miserably. Letting out a growl, he tied it the best he could, loosening her arms from his neck he laid her gently back to the pillow, noticing how she was already asleep. Grabbing his wet flannel from the end of the bed he quickly made his way downstairs.

Remembering their lunch he quickly made it to the kitchen and yanked open the oven. The chicken was near finished, lightly browned with the hints of spices peeking through. The fries on the other hand were a burnt masterpiece. Pulling the pan from the oven he stuck the fries on top of it, leaving them to cool before he threw them out. Turning off the heated machine, he sighed deeply and looked down at his self.

He stood in the kitchen clad in nothing but jeans, wet jeans. His still wet feet had left footprints all over the floor, and his long since abandoned flannel lay in a heap on the floor from his mad dash to save the food. Laughing at himself he stripped down to his boxers, and pulled on his still dry socks. Picking up the wet flannel and jeans he walked out on to the back porch and threw his things in the dryer, praying that Lorelai would not wake before his clothes were dry, a healthy dose of mockery from her, was definitely not needed. Returning to the kitchen he sat at the table thinking about the unexpected shower he had received, and berating himself for that moment, when he started to become aroused. His senses had kicked in and he realized right away how inappropriate it had been, but when she moaned he had definitely wanted to turn the dial all the way to cold. His thoughts returned again to the moment in the shower, her pushing into him, moaning, 'bad', he chastised himself, unaware that Lorelai lay in the room above him, dreaming of exactly the same thing.


	18. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER 18**

Due to the 'shower incident' as she decided to refer to it as, Luke had been unwilling to leave her side in the last 24 hours. She'd woken up from her unexpected nap the day before and saw her robe sitting out on the edge of the bed, her clothes lying abandoned in the chair where she would normally find Luke.

Getting up slowly, she wrapped the robe around herself and removed the towel. Sitting gently on the edge of the vanity seat, she picked up the comb and slowly pulled it through her knotted brown locks. She heard a gentle knock on the door and turned to see Luke standing in the doorway with a tray of food.

"Hey," she said quietly.

"Hey," he replied, motioning with his head towards her bed.

Knowing not to argue with 'Dr. Luke', she got up quickly, bringing the comb with her, and climbed back onto the bed. Sitting the tray over her legs, she looked down and saw the long forgotten about chicken and fries she had ordered for her lunch.

"How long was I asleep," she asked quietly trying to hide the embarrassment from her voice.

"About an hour and a half," he replied gently.

"Oh," she said, her head hung in embarrassment, eyes focused on the tray of food in front of her.

"Hey," he said gently, lifting her chin to look him in the eyes. "I never meant to make you feel like you incapable of taking care of yourself, I'm sorry if that's what I did. I just don't like seeing you in pain." Not waiting for her to speak, he took the comb from her hand and left the fork in its place.

"Do you mind?" he asked holding the comb up and motioning towards her head.

She snorted and shrugged. "You're not going to get that thing through my hair it's like a rats nest by now."

He sat behind her anyway, gently attempting at untangling the knotted curls, pulling gently to free them and restore order. She sat in front of him eating her meal quietly and watching the movie that was playing on her favorite channel.

She was embarrassed for what happened earlier, how he found her helpless, and how he rescued her. She was definitely not the damsel in distress type, however she knew she was lucky to have a friend as great as him, someone who put her comfort ahead of his own. The way he climbed in and took control of the situation, calmed her down, and made her feel safe. It humiliated her, she knew it shouldn't have but it did. It didn't help that she had just dreamed of that same shower scene which definitely had a different ending.

She was snapped from her thoughts of yesterday when Luke entered the living room talking on the phone to who she assumed must be Rory.

"Okay, hold on," he said before covering the mouth piece and holding the phone out to her, but just slightly out of her grasp.

"I didn't tell her," he said quietly, still holding the phone just out of her reach, "but we have an agreement," he reminded her sternly, holding eye contact for an extra minute before giving her the phone.

She rolled her eyes at him, thinking of the brief 'talk' they had which consisted of him informing her that she was not to be driving to her parent's alone as she was too weak. He had told her he wouldn't tell anyone about the resulting dizziness of the shower attempt, but that she would have to be more careful in the future.

"Hey Kid," she said jovially into the phone, "Long time no see." She watched as Luke stood there listening to the one sided conversation, making sure she did not go against him again.

"Yea, I know you wanted to be here, but Luke is right, school is more important and he has been a very excellent nurse," she said winking at him, causing him to cock his head to the side and give her that look, the look that said get on with it. Giving him an evil look she interrupted her daughter's diatribe.

"I was thinking we should just not show up, what's another missed Friday night dinner, huh, huh?" she paused, "Guess that's a no then?" she joked with her daughter

."Yea I know I have to go Rory, I don't want to, but I will. Hey I was thinking you should come and get ready here and then we can go together." Her forehead crinkled as she listened to her daughter and she rolled her eyes.

"What do you mean, what's wrong? Can't a mother want to spend time with her little one?" Lorelai released a sigh.

"Yes, I know you're not little, and I promise I'm fine. Besides, if you don't come then Luke is going to force me to go with him," she said, putting on a fake whiney tone, "and I don't want to show up to my parent's house in the ugly green monster truck, can you imagine what they would say?" she said ending in a huff, smiling at Luke who glared at her from across the room.

**************

"I don't want to do this," Lorelai whined to her daughter, standing outside of the Gilmore when she walked out the last night she was here. She had been so intent to tell them, and hadn't even shared the news with anyone else, but the reaction she had gotten from them had thrown her for a loop. When her mother had accused her of being pregnant, for simply wanting a glass of water instead of alcohol, she just lost it.

She hadn't realized it at the time but her anger clouded her judgment, screaming for her to get the hell out of there, but she knew now why she had reacted the way she did, it wasn't just because her mother jumped to conclusions. She'd had a lot of time to think about things, both before and after the surgery and she had come to understand a lot of things about herself and her relationship with her parents. Her mother's comments had hurt so much because she would never get the chance to tell her parent's she was pregnant again, let alone tell her parent's that she had done it right this time, gotten married, started her middle, then tell them she was with child.

The sudden realization had shocked her. She didn't realize how badly she wanted that; she wanted to atone for her 15 year old smart mouth, telling her parents that she was pregnant in the same tone she would use to tell them she was hungry. She remembered the look in their eyes, the shock and hurt, her father leaving the room, and her mother quickly putting on her DAR mask, impervious to the news around her. She wanted to be able to tell them she was expecting, inform them in a cutesy way that they would be grandparents again, that her husband had knocked her up. Hey, she rationalized, she may want to give them good news, but the look of distaste she could bring to her mother's face with her choice of words did interest her too.

Lorelai was snapped from her thoughts when the door was thrown open and her mother fixed her with a stare that spoke volumes.

"Honestly, Lorelai, I don't see why you insist on standing there in the cold when you could just ring the doorbell," Emily said condescendingly, opening the door wide enough for the two girls to pass through the entryway.

The maid stood off to the side nervously waiting for their coats. When she had them firmly in hand, she scurried from the room before the lady of the house could open her mouth again.

Walking past Lorelai and Rory, Emily led the way to the sitting room, talking over her shoulder about Richard being in the study as usual. She was grateful that her mother's back was to her because she was still walking a bit slower than her usual hurried pace, and took comfort in the fact that she could hide the subject of her surgery from the conversation for a few more minutes.

"Richard," her mother's voice bellowed, "the girls are here, now get out here!"

"Lorelai, Rory," Richard welcomed, nodding his head in an absent greeting as he made his way over to Emily who was at the drink cart.

"Well Lorelai," her mother started, "will you be joining us in a drink this evening or will we get another dramatic rendition of the hysterical performance you put on the last time you were here?"

Biting down on her lip she took a deep steadying breath before answering her mother.

"No Mom," she choked out trying to hold back her anger, "I think today seems like a good juice day, don't you think Rory?" she asked turning to her daughter, trying to deflect some of her mother's hostility.

"That's what we learned in class today," her daughter tried to joke, failing miserably.

Lorelai watched as her mother rolled her eyes and finished preparing their drinks before handing them out and then moved to sit beside Richard on the adjacent couch.

"Well speaking of -," her mother started out before getting cut off.

"Here we go," Lorelai mumbled under her breath.

"I think you owe your father and I an apology for your behavior over the last couple of weeks," her mother demanded, head cocked to the side, waiting for Lorelai's reply.

She steadied herself deciding to get telling her parents her news over with as quickly as possible, "you're right Mom, I do." she replied. She watched her Mother's face change from a calm and steely demeanor, to one that spoke loudly of an upcoming 'I told you so', to a worried frown.

"What?" Emily questioned sharply with a hint of panic in her voice.

Lorelai could feel her father's eyes trying to read her, taking in every movement and categorizing it, filtering it and analyzing it. She marveled at how her father could read people so easily given their posture and mannerisms, a feat he must have mastered over his many years doing business with people from all over the world.

"You're not going to like what I have to say, and I'm not happy with how I handled the situation, but there is something I need to tell you, that I need to apologize to you for," she rattled off quickly, trying to get the inevitable conversation over with in as few breathes as possible.

"Supper is ready," a timid voice said, derailing her from her train of thought.

Cowering from the evil gaze Emily had quickly affixed her with, the maid slowly backed up towards the kitchen, mumbling a quick comment about keeping it heated until they were ready.

Lorelai looked at her daughter sadly, Rory's brown eyes staring intently into hers, trying to send some will power her way, as hers had quickly faded from the brief interruption.

"I came that night to tell you…" She took a breath to keep her composure, "To tell you I needed to have surgery. I was upset and on edge and your comments threw me off and I couldn't handle it and that's why I took off," she began, her mouth moving a mile a minute trying to say everything of importance before anyone could interrupt her.

She watched as her father, who never removed his eyes from her, took her mother's hand tightly, her mother's face showing clear signs of being startled by her daughter's admission. Lorelai took it as a sign to continue.

"I avoided your calls because at first I thought I was mad at you, but it didn't matter I only had two weeks, and I had so many decisions to make and research to do. I couldn't handle anything else on top of it. I know it sounds stupid but I just couldn't, it was all too much," she trailed off helplessly. "I'm sorry," She could feel her parent's eyes burning into her, her shame and guilt kept her from looking up, until she heard the startled voice of her mother.

"Two weeks," Emily's voice said quietly, "but we haven't seen you in three weeks," her mother's voice trailed off.

"Lorelai?" her father's deep voice questioned.

Knowing now was not the time to hang her head in shame; she raised her head and looked at her parents squarely.

"I have cancer…had cancer," she stated firmly, "I had a hysterectomy last Friday. I'm fine. The doctor told me they were able to get all of it, but that I would need to have a few follow up appointments just in case." Seeing the looks of shock and despair on her parent's faces she continued quickly.

"I know what I did…not telling you was wrong, but I can't go back and change it now, and I really need you to support me right now," she finished quietly, watching her parent's reactions.

She had never seen her mother so pale, sitting straight as a rod, hands clasped tightly in her lap, her father's hand, held tightly between them. Richard's shoulders relaxed and he took his saddened gaze and shifted it from her to her mother, his face displaying a heartbreaking mix of emotions.

Lorelai watched as her mother's hands trembled, and her father quickly released her hand, to instead wrap her in his arms. Emily's reactions were scaring her. She saw her mother as an impenetrable force, yet for the first time that she could remember her mother's emotions were being portrayed in her features.

She felt Rory's hand tighten against hers, tugging it firmly to keep her in reality, almost begging her to say something, to make this better but she couldn't. What was there to say? She had kept something huge from them, news that was obviously devastating, even without the closeness their relationship lacked.

She continued to watch as her father whispered in her mother's ear. He was holding her close, and cradling her head to his shoulder. Her mother stayed in his arms, unresponsive. She could hear the clock ticking from the entryway but couldn't focus on how long they sat there. She had dealt them a huge blow and she wanted with all of herself to make it right.

"No," she heard her mother whimper into her father's shoulder. "No!" Emily said again, much more loudly, pushing away from him and standing.

Her body still trembled as she looked at her daughter, then to her husband, before repeating the word, and leaving the room.

"Mom?" Lorelai said weakly, watching as her mother strode from the room and made her way up the stairs.

"I'm going to go check on dinner," her father said, getting up quickly and exiting the room.

Lorelai wanted so much to be strong for Rory, she hated that her daughter had to watch that horrible scene go down but she didn't have it in her to be strong anymore. Crying softly, she let her daughter embrace her, burying herself deeply into Rory's arms.

A few minutes later the silence was broken when the maid entered and asked them to join Richard in the dining room.

The meal was torturous for all involved. Tension filled the air and everyone was too on edge to try and break it. Rory and Richard engaged in small talk discussing his job and her schooling but Lorelai hadn't said a word. When desert was finally served her father asked her to join him in the study, getting up and leaving the room quickly before she could even respond.

Talking silently to Rory, she quickly excused herself to join her father in his study. Entering quietly, she was surprised by what she saw before her.

Richard sat in his chair, dress jacket off, shirt collar undone, and bow tie hanging loosely to the side. His sleeves were rolled up, and he had a large glass of scotch sitting on the table in front of him, untouched. Sitting before him she waited for him to say something. The seconds turned to minutes, and the tension threatened to choke them. Finally she decided to say something.

"Daddy?" she whispered, her soft voice breaking her from the wall she had erected around herself during diner.

"I want you to listen to me, and I want you to listen carefully," he said in his no nonsense way, pointing at the seat across from him, making it clear she was to sit and obey him.

"You will see a specialist of my choosing, you will let us pay for it, and you will allow us to be at any and all meetings you have with those specialists. You will allow me to pay for a nurse to take care of you in the remainder of your time in recovery, and you will keep from working until your doctor gives you the okay. Do you understand me, Lorelai?" He asks without raising his voice at all.

"Dad," she answered, rolling her eyes at him.

"No Lorelai," his voice boomed. "This is not up for discussion, this isn't a joke you can role your eyes at, this is your life!" he yelled, his closed fist banging down on the hard surface before him.

Lorelai flinched at the volume of her father's voice, and at the anger he conveyed as he brought his fist to his desk. How had she let things get so messed up?

"No nurse," she said, swallowing her pride. "I'll agree to it all, but not the nurse." Seeing the anger in his eyes she continued quickly. "I don't want people to know. The people in my town don't know. I've gone to a lot of trouble to keep it that way, and I don't want to do anything that will raise suspicions. I have told a few people I trust, and they have been helping me, and will continue helping me."

She saw the look of pain that flashed across his face, at her choice of the word _trust,_ and realized how it must have sounded to him, how she could trust certain townspeople over her own family.

"One last thing," he said, choosing to ignore the veiled insult that she hadn't even meant. "You will give your mother time to process this. You will not badger her, or try to push her at your pace. She needs to ruminate on this and come to her own conclusions. I for one am able to step back, I see how your temper, like your mother's, sometimes gets the better of you, and so I understand why you choose not to tell us. I can understand it, but I cannot forgive it, at least just yet," he said, putting his hand up to stop her complaints.

"I think you and Rory should head home now," he said gently, yet leaving no room for argument. She nodded and stood, making her way to the closed door.

"Lorelai," he called to her, stopping her from her exit.

Not turning, she stood there, tears slowly trickling down her face, hand held firmly on the doorknob.

"I'm so glad you're okay," he said so sincerely that it almost broke her heart. "We'll all be okay," he said more to himself than to her, as she made her way out the door.

*********

It was a long drive home. Rory tried to make conversation to make her mother feel better, but her attempts had been thwarted by Lorelai's silence.

She couldn't turn off her brain, and had herself gazing out the window the entire drive home, wondering how her mother was and if she was going to be able to make things okay.

She was snapped from her thoughts as they entered the driveway. "Rory," she said, hearing, and hating the sound of desperation in her voice. "I need to go back, I need to see Mom."

She watched as her daughter bit her lip, a trademark she wished she had not passed on, before glancing at the clock.

"It's really late, maybe you should wait until tomorrow, give her a chance to process," she replied, her eyes pleading to be heard.

"Rory please," Lorelai implored, hating the neediness of her voice, but knowing that she probably shouldn't drive there alone, and that her daughter was the only means of transportation she had.

"Okay," her daughter sighed as she gave in to her mother, before putting the gear into reverse.

"Wait," Lorelai cried out, stopping Rory's hand, which was still on the stick shift. "I have to pee," she lied to her daughter, needing a moment alone in the house.

"Okay, I'll be here," she heard as she opened the door and made her way to the darkened house.

************

They pulled up to the Gilmore Mansion for the second time that night, the feeling of dread, 10 times worse than it had been with their first visit. Quietly telling her daughter she would be as fast as she could, Lorelai silently asked her to wait in the car.

The doorbell chimed loudly, and after a few minutes her father answered the door, in his robe and slippers.

"I knew you wouldn't listen," he said, not even looking at her as he opened the door, and let her in.

"She won't talk to you, she won't talk to anyone right now," he explained, the look in his eyes begging her to leave it alone for now.

"Just 5 minutes Dad, please," Lorelai requested, not giving him time to answer as she made her way up the stairs.

Taking a deep breath she knocked on her mother's door, and when there was no response she entered finding it empty with the exception of the newspaper her father had been reading in bed. Looking to the bathroom, she saw the door laid open, and the light off. Closing the door she made her way slowly down the hall before stopping before her old bedroom, the door cracked slightly letting the light filter into the hallway.

Pushing open the door, she entered and saw her mother who had turned her back to her. It hadn't been quickly enough though, as she had been able to see the tear stained face, pale white, with red-rimmed eyes and mascara trails.

"Mom," Lorelai said, making her way slowly to the side of the bed her mother was facing. "Mom!" she repeated leaning down to her mother's level, seeing the hurt and confusion up close. "I am so sorry Mom; you will never know how sorry I am for all of this, for how I handled this."

Her composure had slipped and she was no longer able to hold back the tears. The grief and despair etched on her mother's face hurt terribly, and knowing she had put it there was breaking her heart. She had been so busy, or kept herself so busy she didn't have time to think how badly the news would hurt her parent's or how much more keeping the news from them, would hurt.

"Dad wants me to give you some time alone, to process, so that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to be home all week, I've promised Dad, I won't go anywhere. I will follow the doctor's orders which are to take it easy, so I will be home if you want to call, or stop in," she said, the heaviness in her heart pushing down on her at her mother's vacant expression.

Standing up slowly she watched. Emily continued to stare blankly in front of her, not even blinking as she stood up to leave. "I'll be at dinner next week, just me," she said quietly.

Taking the letter from her purse she placed it gently on the side table in her mother's view.

She hated lying to Rory earlier that night, but didn't want her to know about the letters she had written the night before the surgery. She didn't plan to give them to anyone, or to have anyone know about them, they had just been a way for her to clear her jumbled mind, but on the ride home she decided. She wanted her mother to understand her, to know how her mind worked, how she felt, and this was the only way she could think of.

Lorelai made her way downstairs, drying her tears as she went. She saw her father standing in the doorway, the exact spot she had left him in. He looked older than she had ever noticed before. The once tall imposing man stood before her, looking tiny and old, a mere shadow of his former self. Maybe it was the worn housecoat and slippers, a stark contrast to his normal suit and bow tie, or maybe her news had knocked him down, and he had yet to be able to mask his own mortality.

"Lorelai," he said gently.

She looked at him again and the tears started to flow freely. He wrapped her tightly in his arms and held her close to him. She couldn't remember the last time her father had hugged her, it was probably when she was a child before being sent away to a summer camp. The feelings his embrace invoked surprised her. She hadn't realized it, but this was exactly what she had needed, strong loving arms to hold her, the unconditional love of her family to surround her.

Thanks to DramaQueen1103 for Beta-ing and putting up with my incessant need to criticize everything I write. Sorry if some of the paragraphs are off, on occasion when I receive things through DocX it takes everything out of alignment and I have to reset all the paragraphs, and sometimes I don't do it so well.

Next up is Emily's reaction. I am thinking of writing a flashback of Lorelai writing the letter so that the readers will be able to know its content, but honestly I don't know if I could write something like that as it is sort of a death bed confession, a last chance to try to repair their broken relationship. So let me know if you think I should write it this way or if I should just throw exerts of it into their conversation.


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's note: Wow three weeks for this update, I'm so sorry guys. Honestly February was bad for me in that I could never find time to do anything, though most of the problem with updating was how long it took me to write this chapter. A normal chapter takes me 2 hours tops, this chapter was pushing 7 when I decided to shorten it. I had more plans for this chapter, but I have decided to push them to next chapter and do a flashback, or have Lorelai talking to someone about it. Hope it was worth the wait, and I would love to hear your thoughts!**

**Thanks again to DramaQueen1103 for Beta-ing**

**Chapter 19 **

Her weekend visit from her daughter felt too short. A normal outing home would leave them spent on the couch, piles of discarded movie case rentals and candy wrappers on the floor, but not this time.

After returning the second time from her parent's house, she had been exhausted both physically and mentally. Rory seemed to understand this, and they both retired to her bed, where Rory laid next to her and played with her mother's hair until they both fell asleep. They slept late wasting more than half of the next day.

Lorelai was sad to see the day pass without a visit or phone call from her mother, a feeling she never thought she would have. Rory tried to keep her busy watching a Golden Girls marathon and desperately tried to avoid any negative topic, but the elephant in the room only seemed to get bigger, stretching its feet and trunk, taking up all available space.

Lorelai loved the relationship she had with her daughter, and hated that she couldn't have a similar one with her own mother. The two couldn't, or at least shouldn't be compared though, and she knew that. She and Emily had always had a different type of relationship than she had with Rory. As a young woman growing up with an infant tucked snugly under her arm, it was up to her to figure out what to do, how to make things work out, her one goal, to keep Rory happy.

She felt she had done well with this goal though, as Rory was a well-adjusted young woman, going to one of the most prestigious Universities in the country, if not the world. Her daughter was able to balance her classes while working at the newspaper, volunteering with local groups and taking care of her own mother. She on the other hand, was not the perfect daughter as she had been blessed with, and she knew it.

Her relationship with her parents had always been tumultuous. Even as a young girl she rebelled, she didn't have to wait for her teenage years for this to begin, as a matter of fact she probably never left her terrible two's behind. She only seemed to have negative memories of growing up in her parent's house, knowing that somewhere in the back of her mind there had to be good memories, but none ever came to mind.

Her daughter on the other hand had always been perfect, never giving her problems, always quick to know the right thing to do. Her daughter understood all the times they couldn't afford something, or when they had to go without. She was quick to get behind a game of make believe, or making their own decorations for Christmas. Yes, she was perfect.

Lorelai felt Luke sit on the couch beside her and wrap his arm around her shoulder, drawing her close to him. She was too lost in thought to think about it, she had been doing that a lot lately, and knowing herself, she was probably crying again. She lifted her hand to her face she touched it gently finding that, indeed, she was crying again. Snuggling into the curve of Luke's arm she started to think about her mother, and that letter.

The site of her mother lying in her old bed was the only thing she could think about. Her reddened eyes, mascara trails and sadness evident were heartbreaking. Lorelai put herself in her mother's shoes, imagining not only being told the same thing by Rory, as a mother but also by her mother as a daughter. She decided it wouldn't be a good feeling. Just the thought left her feeling empty and unloved, like she didn't matter to them. It left her confused and drained; too many questions with no answers, running in circles, yet still lost.

Luke's voice seemed so far away, though he was sitting next to her. She could feel his fingers running through her hair, soothing her, telling her it would all be okay. How could it be okay though? She had destroyed what little was left of her relationship with her mother.

Her thoughts drifted from Luke's soothing fingers, to the weight of the pen in her hand the night she wrote the letter. She had let her mind loose, let the thoughts pour from her through the pen to the paper. It was rare she ever let herself be so unguarded, but it needed to happen. She was unable to sleep, her fingers running soothing patterns through Rory's hair. She laid there for almost an hour before finally getting up. Sitting in the kitchen, she nursed a cup of tea, not wanting to start coffee for fear it would wake her daughter.

She hadn't really realized what she was doing until she had finished, her pen flowing the thoughts out of her head freely and unabridged. Tearing the sheets from the legal pad, the same one she used to draft her last will and testament, she folded them and stuck them into the enveloped labeled to her daughter. Thinking she was finished she sat there staring at the blank legal pad and the box of envelopes. She felt a little bit better but her mind was still a jumbled mess. Not knowing what else to do, she doodled on the blank page in front of her.

The piece of paper was quickly filling; her random thoughts that flew 100 miles an hour through her head were now filling the page. Hearts and stars, cubes and cats, names and places, quotes and references. Looking at the page she saw a reoccurring theme. She quickly ripped the page from the pad and wrote a name at the top of the next blank page. Starring at it, she realized she wasn't ready for that yet there were too many other thoughts in the way. Pulling the sheet from the page she sat it off to the side of the table, and looked down at the familiar blank white page. She put the pen to paper as she felt herself become lost once again in the fluid transfer of thought to the page.

She had no idea what she had written, it was an untypical disconnect from her body, her words bypassing her brain and heading straight to the paper. Looking down at the 5 full sheets, she had taken a steadying breath and read the words that had flowed so freely from her over the last half hour.

_Mom and Dad,_

_It's 4:22 am the morning of my surgery and I can't sleep. I woke to find myself curled close to Rory, my face buried in her hair. She's so peaceful and calm, the exact opposite of me, it makes me wonder if I'm like this when I sleep, do I look peaceful and calm, because I'm probably not. My mind works non-stop at all hours of the day, playing out various scenarios, and trying to weigh my options. You're probably not familiar with this side of me though, as when I'm in your company I tend to be impulsive and flighty. I want you to know I hate that about myself, how I am reduced to a blundering idiot in your presence, and no I don't blame you for that as this probably sounds, I just wish it wasn't the way it is._

_I found myself staring at my daughter, knowing her future dreams, and dreaming of them, just in case… we'll let's be realistic, I've seen enough bad movies to know how the sentence 'if you're reading this then I must be…' ends. This isn't what this letter is, or I guess it is. I have no intentions of showing my letters to anyone, they are just a way for me to clear my head and be able to put my wall back up, before Rory wakes. So I guess if you're reading this, the sentence ends just as badly as it does in those bad movies._

_I just finished my first letter, a letter to my daughter. How do you sum up how you feel about someone, someone you feel is the best parts of you and her father, mixed with a helping dose of everything you wished you could be? Rory is my entire world. Though __getting __pregnant at 15 __may_ _not_ _be_ _a good thing, I regret nothing about that time, __because_ _it gave me her. Rory gave me the strength to be who I am, to push forward and do everything in my power to make every day great for her, and I'm not so sure how I can make today great for her. I guess it all comes back to that wall of mine._

_I think the wall is something I got from the both of you. Dad, in business you must remain stoic and calm, a poker face plastered on your face allowing you the upper hand. I think I mostly get it from you though Mom, your ability to school your features, and deal with what's going on around you no matter the circumstance. Does this mean that like Rory, I was given some of the best parts of the two of you? I hope so, because I can see it. You may think that this is a weird thing to be proud of but it's gotten me where I am today. Your walls generally are stoic and calm in the face of adversity, mine are smiles and bad jokes that I use to diffuse any situation._

_Without knowing it Dad, I learned so much about business from you, and I think osmosis did the rest, allowing me to soak up your knowledge without even knowing I was doing it. I remember as a little girl sitting in your study when you weren't there. I would sit in your big chair, looking at the newspaper pretending I was you. I would sit in your office and absorb knowledge from the books surrounding me. I think your office is to you what my living room is to me. They are our places of solitude, where everything can be right with the world. Your scotch and cigar are the same as my coffee and red vines, they relax us, they give us that extra minute to enjoy the world. Your books allow you an escape, and surrounding yourself with them allows you to always feel calm and at peace, the same way my DVD's do for me. So if you can take anything from this, take this. You gave me my sense of calm, of peace._

_Mom, don't think I didn't get anything from you. I got my sense of confidence from you. Funny huh? I bet no one would ever think that knowing the relationship that we have is rocky at best, but you did._

_As a little girl I would find myself having tea parties for all my dolls, that annoying habit of mine that used to drive you nuts. I used to work diligently, well as diligent as a little girl could, to have the perfect seating arrangement, to have the perfect cookies to go with the tea. I would sit tall, not one hair out of place and I would talk about all the things I would think you would want to hear about. I still think this way now. I use you as a basis for what I plan both in Stars Hollow, and at the Inn._

_Your sharp determination and your attention to detail is what got me where I am today. I walked into the Independence Inn, with a baby on my arm and a small bag filled with 2 days worth of clothes for me, and the rest were Rory's things. Mia had no reason to take me in, but she told me once she could see it in my eyes, I had a fire that burned brightly, and she knew I could accomplish anything I put my mind to. I got that from you._

_I know I can never fix the hurt of my leaving __and_ _of all the times I disappointed you both and I am truly sorry. I took away all of your dreams in one hasty minute. I think about it you know, how I could have done it differently, but I never let myself dwell. I love my life, and maybe this is what needed to happen for me to live this life. But if I could change anything, I would have kept you in the loop. I wouldn't have kept Rory from you. I would have found a way to make this relationship work; Rory shouldn't have to be the glue holding us together. I would have found a way to repair what I broke all those years ago._

_I wish you knew how badly I wanted to do it right, to do everything in the proper order, to have you proud of me. I wanted to get married, and give you more grandchildren. I think I wanted that so badly, that I ended up engaged to the wrong man, just so that I would be able to share that dream with you. Luckily I came to my senses. How could I marry a man I didn't love? I have held firm to that belief over the years, and this is why I could never marry Christopher. I love him as a friend, but he is __too_ _weak for me, I want a man who will not run in the face of adversity, who will stand tall beside me, fighting for what WE want, what WE believe in. How could I not? You were that example to me. Though I may not have always understood you, one thing always stood out, your love for each other, how it never wavered. _

_There is something you need to know though. Everything just happened so fast. I wanted to tell you about the surgery, about all the problems and decisions I was faced with, but I guess years of baggage got in the way. I'm not blaming you, it's a two way street, something I tended to forget a lot of the time. I have another secret, one that may or may not come true. During the surgery they are going to remove some of my eggs, and Sookie, my best friend, will be implanted with my child with Luke. _

_I broke down one night and confessed everything to Luke, how my hopes and dreams had been shattered, how I was devastated to not be able to have more children, and you know what? He looked at me, his eyes so easy to read and told me we should have a child. There was no trace of pity, or any other negative emotion. He told me that he would give me the world if he could, and that we could find a surrogate and have a baby. It doesn't sound very romantic does it? If you think that you're wrong. It was the most amazing thing that has ever been said to me._

_So it's basically a blind shot in hell, but in 9 months you may be welcoming a new grandchild. If you could tell him or her only one thing, I would hope you would tell them that I love them unconditionally and I wish with everything in me that I could be there to watch them grow up, but Luke will be an amazing father, and Sookie and Jackson will be amazing Godparent's. Rory will be a fantastic big sister, and the town will be the crazy in-laws that always mean well while pinching their cheek and making baby noises, and you, you both will be the amazingly supportive grandparent's. Spoiling him or her rotten, teaching things that no one else could teach, accepting the child knowing if I could have done things the right way, I would have. I would have done anything I could to make that dream come true for all of us. _

_I love you; I love you both so much. No matter the fights, the hardships, I have always been grateful for what you provided me. I never needed or wanted the material things. I always got what I needed though, I got a picture perfect view of what true unconditional love is, and I got the best parts of both of you, and maybe I am in some small way, also, a mix of the things you wished you could be._

_I love you both so much, please remember that._

_Lorelai_

She was surprised by the openness of her words, of the truths she had held for so long, that had weighed her down, leaving her bitter and angry some days, while melancholy and wounded others.

A lot of what she wrote had been a surprise. Much of what she wrote were things she ruminated on often, but others left her wondering if those thoughts and feelings had been buried so deep that she couldn't, or wouldn't see them. How could she be feeling left so exposed and vulnerable, yet so free, after writing down her own thoughts?

She was jolted from her thoughts as Luke pulled her into his lap, holding her tightly. Snapping back quickly she wondered why he did this until she really focused on reality.

Her hands were wrapped tightly to the front of his flannel, her face soaked from her tears, and her throat hoarse from the sounds coming from it. Her breathing was ragged and she was sobbing hysterically.

"She hates me," she croaked out suddenly, surprising herself with her words. She had opened her mouth to question him about her behavior, but found herself pouring out thoughts she didn't know she was having. "She'll never forgive me." He just held her, continuing to sooth her, his hands running through her hair and down her back. Her body was shaking violently, her tears racking her small body.

She was surprised to feel him pulling away from her. He had been holding her as tightly as she was holding him, but now he seemed surprised, turning away from her quickly. Looking up to his face she saw he had turned to look at something. When she turned her head she saw it too, and let out a gut-wrenching cry. "Mom," her hoarse throat cried out.

Before she could move her mother had thrown herself down onto the couch, pulling her daughter tightly into her arms.

Lorelai let herself crawl over to her mother, the warmth of Luke, being replaced by the warmth of Emily's arms. She hadn't realized how much she needed it, but the warmth of her mother's arms were exactly what she needed.

Minutes, hours, or maybe seconds passed before she felt herself being lifted. She looked to see Luke lifting her into his arms. Opening her mouth to protest, he silenced her by pulling her to him and speaking softly.

"I'm putting you in bed, you've exhausting yourself and you need to rest, your mother isn't going anywhere."

Lorelai woke to the feeling of fingers running through her hair. She had never felt so exhausted; the weekend had run the gambit on her. Feelings that ranged from happiness to sadness, depending on the moment, but they had always been intense feelings, leaving her exhausted and drawn.

She cuddled closer to her mother, who lay in the bed holding her. She couldn't remember much, but the heaviness in her heart had lessoned, leaving exhaustion in its wake.

"What," she croaked out. Stopping, she tried to clear her throat only to find it scratchy and dry.

"Shh," her mother said, handing her a glass of water, which she sipped precariously from her prone state.

"I'm sorry," she tried again, with a bit more success than at the last attempt at talking.

"No Lorelai, I'm sorry." Holding up her hand to stop her daughter from interrupting, she continued. "I was so hurt, and surprised, that I shut down, I couldn't think. This weekend I had time to think, to think about mistakes we both have made, and how we got to this point in our relationship. The second I could think straight I came here. I stood on your porch, frozen. I could hear you, sobbing. I've never heard you so despondent, so hurt. I couldn't move. Did you cry like that when you found out you were pregnant, when you moved out of our home, when things got hard as you grew up with a child of your own? I know nothing about you, my own daughter," Emily said sadly, opening herself up to her daughter. "I stood there listening to you pour your heart out to someone who I barely know, someone you trust enough to open your heart to. I was jealous, and hurt, but then I heard you, I heard what you said, how you were crying over our relationship. I came in your house, feeling so out of place, it seemed wrong to enter your house. My breath caught as he pulled you closer to him, as he comforted you. I set my things down, and that's when he heard me. He turned so suddenly, pulling you to him so securely, protecting you. When I caught sight of your face my heart broke. I should have been there for you from the beginning, not just this, the beginning of everything. I don't know when it is I lost you, but I shouldn't have. I should have been different; I should have been the mother you needed."

"Mom, no," she finally cut in.

"Yes, Lorelai," her mother said forcefully, "this is my fault, I could have prevented this," she cried out, her resolve cracking and tears shining in her eyes.

Sitting up in the bed, Lorelai leaned against the headboard, encouraging Emily to do the same.

"Mom, this isn't your fault. You couldn't have prevented me from getting sick, whether our relationship was the same as it is now or different. The only thing that could have changed is if I told you, and that's on me. I was just so overwhelmed, so many emotions, too many decisions. I had to write my will, which was the scariest thing I've ever had to do. It doesn't take a genius to know who will get all of my things, but to have to face the fact of what's to come, it was terrifying."

"I was younger than you," her mother said interrupting her, "sitting down at those big desks, having someone write down all of your wishes and dreams, your hopes, and memories, filling in the spaces on their forms, not caring at all because it's your life they are systematically pulling apart, not their own. Having decisions, so much bigger than you, that you can't fully comprehend being forced down your throat

She watched as her mother pulled herself together, tears began to stream down her face, and she knew her mother was trying to tell her something, but holding back. She knew the feeling, when the words were too painful to leave your mouth, when the feeling of inflicting unintentional pain on someone was overwhelming. The words sharp and metallic tasting sitting greedily in your mouth just waiting for the bitter sting to leave them, but knowing it wont.

When Emily had yet to talk Lorelai turned fully and looked at her trying to think of something helpful, of something useful to say but nothing was coming to her, the look on her mother's face caused any words to leave her, and then she heard it.

Looking at her mother in disbelief, she blinked rapidly trying to shake off the sudden waves of shock that overtook her. Is this how her mother had felt when she had told her the news, this overwhelming sense of surprise, this strangling paralysis of her mind? Closing her eyes she leaned her head against the headboard and tried to process. Did she hear her properly, or did she imagine it? She couldn't have heard her right.

"Lorelai," her mother said, taking her hand in hers. "I'm so sorry. You were so young I didn't think it would matter. I didn't think you needed to know. The doctors didn't know things back then that they do now. I was 24, and it felt like my world was falling down around me. I never looked into it again. I just wanted to keep the memories buried."

She had definitely heard her right. Her mother did tell her she had a hysterectomy as well. She exhaled loudly, letting the breath hiss between her teeth, trying to reawaken her numb mind. She felt the tears as they began to trickle down her face, and her mother's hand brushing them away. She couldn't help herself, as she leaned into the warmth of her mother's hand, before succumbing and finally falling into her mother's arms.

"I'm so sorry Lorelai," she said stroking her daughter's hair, "I should have told you, you should have known that there was a chance that this could happen to you. If I had of told you this wouldn't have happened. I just, things were so hard back then, and I didn't want to think about it. I buried my head in the sand and didn't worry about it, pretended it didn't happen."

She had never heard her mother so vulnerable. She could hear the pain radiating from her mother's voice. Thinking it through, she realized she should be mad, but couldn't. She'd already done the research, finding that there are millions of studies, all of which contradict each other, giving no conclusive result to say if ovarian cancer was hereditary or not. Her doctor told her that a lot of the time in past years hysterectomies were the way of 'relieving' many illnesses, so that meant many had been done without need, which biased many studies.

"Mom, this isn't your fault. I always got regular checkups, and they determined that the growth grew between my two visits at a high rate. I was virtually symptom free, the few symptoms I had could have been anything, and I attributed them to stress. I went to the doctor as soon as I realized something was wrong. There was no way of changing anything. I can't dwell on this, I hate it, I hated what it caused, but I have to move past it, it can't control my life."

She could tell her mother was holding back and suddenly understood the guilt her mother must have felt Friday night. The news had blindsided her, leaving her to run the myriad of emotions. She could now understand her father's remarks, how he wanted her to give her mother space to process this news. Her mother was hurting, but if her mother was anything like her, she needed a few minutes alone, to process, to pull herself back together.

"I'll be right back," she said, slowly untangling herself from her mother's arms. "I'm just going to get us some food."

Leaving her mother was hard; she hated seeing the sadness etched in her mother's features, the tear stains fresh from their session of soul bearing. Entering the kitchen she saw a box of things on the table, a familiar teddy bear poking out from the top. Looking through the box, she discovered many of her old childhood toys, along with 5 videos and a photo album. Realizing her mother must have brought this for her, she smiled. Putting the things down she went over to the fridge.

"Mmmm," she said to herself, seeing the spread of cheese and crackers, fresh fruits and vegetables and little sandwiches on a tray. Pulling it from the fridge she noticed the post it note stuck to the top.

_'Take care of each other' – L_

She had to smile; it was just so Luke-like of him. Placing the tray on top of the box, she picked them up carefully and made her way back to her room, hoping her mother would be ready to share with her some of her stories, memories and pain.


	20. Chapter 20

**Hey guys. I apologize sooooo much for the delay. 3 weeks ago I picked up a second job since I wasn't getting enough hours, the next day Felicia got sick and I was covering my shifts at both jobs plus hers. The following week I had my shifts at both jobs plus I was doing the in-classroom portion of the Drivers Ed training, and then this week Dustin broke his foot so I have been covering my shifts at both jobs plus his. I never thought I would be that girl who couldn't put out new chapters often, but it appears I have become her, so please forgive long waits, I have not given up on this story, it's my baby! Thanks to my great beta DramaQueen1103 for all the help!**

**Please enjoy and send me a review I love getting them!**

**Chapter 20**

"So, I don't even know what to think," Lorelai said, putting an end to the 30 minute rant she had been having with Sookie.

"Wow," Sookie replied, looking at her friend with wide eyes. "I don't know if I'm more shocked by what you told me, or by the length of that rant," she said before picking her spatula up off the batter-stained counter.

It had been 3 weeks since Emily visited and turned Lorelai's world upside down. With multiple visits made by both parties, a sort of understanding had formed.

The only people who knew were Luke, Rory and Sookie, though she didn't tell them what happened, she simply explained that slowly she and her mother were working things out.

This was the first time she was actually getting it out, getting it off her chest. She and Sookie had an upcoming event to cater, and they were in the final stages of planning. She hadn't meant to turn it into a gossip session, but with all the thoughts and feelings inside of her bubbling to the surface, it was bound to happen.

When she returned to her bedroom that night, food in hand, she found her mother asleep in her bed. Understanding immensely how unexpressed feelings could drain you, she gently lay the tray down, shifted the pile of clothes from the corner chair, and sat gingerly, box still in hand.

She had been nervous. The things in the box obviously meant something to her mother, which in turn made them monumental to herself. With a bridge slowly forming between them, she wanted to do nothing but clear an easy path. After careful deliberation about the boxes contents, she chose to start with watching the video on top while she flipped through the photo album.

She felt her mother stir about an hour into the second video. She'd finished looking through the photo album, surprised by the obvious care and effort put into it, and was sitting on the edge of the bed, teddy bear in hand, engrossed by the video playing in front of her. Glancing at her mother, she gently eased back to the headboard as her mother did the same. Sitting side by side they must have made quite the pair; disheveled clothes, tear stained faces, and flattened hair.

They sat quietly until the end of the tape, postures mirrored, and knees curled close to their bodies, feet planted firmly against the sheets. She had never felt so close to her mother, yet so far away at the same time. Watching the video had been quite the experience. Her mother was so doting, playing with dolls, talking in baby voices and tending to her every need. She never expected anything like this. Her memories of her childhood contained nothing but a string of various nannies, not this woman.

Focusing back on Sookie, she watched as her friend stirred batter for the trial run of their Halloween party. It was their first project, a friend of Jackson's was going to be having a huge Halloween party at his farm and he had asked them to plan the party. Lorelai came up with the concept of a haunted maze through his corn field with sporadically placed scarecrows for game zones where kids could play Halloween games, as well as take pictures of themselves with the scarecrows. Sookie had been focusing solely on the food, a smörgåsbord of treats ranging from witches fingers to spaghetti and meatballs that looked more like brains and eyeballs.

"So when do you have to be to work," Sookie asked, smirking over at her friend, "we wouldn't want you to get fired from your favorite place."

Rolling her eyes, Lorelai looked at Sookie wearily. It had only been a week since she had started working at Luke's, but it was a never ending taunting she got from every town member. Though everyone knew how hard it was for her to not be at the Independence it was always hinted at that she was working at Luke's for 'special benefits', and not the regular paycheck and all the coffee she could consume.

"In an hour," she said with a tired glance. She was getting tired of everyone's insinuations, mostly because of how true they were ringing to her own ears. There _was_ something there, something that had always been there, but it was too late now, she wasn't willing to risk it.

Her relationship with Luke was so complicated; she had no idea how he felt about her. They never discussed it, but the kiss at the hospital had left her breathless, but what did it mean? Was it his way of saying he loved his friend and hated the situation she was in, or was it his way of telling her he loved her, loved her for the person she was, for her quirks and quick wit, loved her in a way he had never felt able to tell her? The questions hurt her head, but it always came down to the same thing, she didn't want to pursue it, now especially.

Their time had come and gone, if there had ever been a time. With the possibility of them being co-parents, she was not willing to risk a relationship that could end badly, only to end up harming their child, to put a strain on the relationship between all of them. Oh God, and what if the implantation didn't work? She couldn't bear to think about it, but if it didn't work, how could she be with Luke knowing that she could not give him a child when he so obviously wanted one?

"Gah!" she cried out loudly, letting her head roll back to sit on the back of the chair rest.

"I'm sorry Hun," Sookie said hanging her head in shame. "You've made it perfectly clear there's no you and Luke so I'll stop insinuating that there is."

Taking a deep breath, Lorelai thought of the best thing to say to clear her guilty mind, while easing her best friends as well.

"No, it's not that," she began. "It's just everything, I always feel like things are moving so fast, everything is changing so rapidly and I just can't keep up. I don't remember it being this way before the diagnosis; things seemed fast but manageable, now there are so many things going on, and so many thoughts racing through my mind. I've always been able to think and move quickly, I'm the perfect combination of genetics and caffeine but I feel like my feet are stuck in quick sand," she said releasing the breath from her lungs dramatically.

Putting down the spoon, Sookie quickly placed the desert in the oven and set the timer. Sitting down beside her best friend she took her hand.

"Hun you've been through so much in the last couple of months, it's normal for you to feel things are out of control, on top of that you have this huge secret that you're keeping from the town, it's got to be stressful. You got hit with a lot of things in a short amount of time, you just need to sort your way through it and you have been. You don't give yourself the credit you deserve. You just went through this huge ordeal with your health and the loss of your job. You're doing so well though, the doctors have told you that the cancer is gone, that things look really good. You've got a job at Luke's and we have some upcoming gigs with the catering, Rory is doing well and your relationship with your parent's is steadily getting better. Considering the circumstances Hun, you're doing amazing," her friend ended softly.

Sookie was right; she was too hard on herself. Small failures always seemed so monumental while great triumphs seemed only the beginning point towards failure.

"Thank you," she said softly, "I really needed another perspective. I was kind of stuck in mine."

She was about to say more when they were surrounded by a loud whining noise.

"What the," she started.

"Oh my God, how could they be burning, I set the timer," she heard her friend cry out as she watched her run to the oven opening the door to a puff of black smoke.

Quickly getting up, Lorelai opened the back door, waving at the smoke, trying to get it to drift outside.

"It's ruined," she heard Sookie say mournfully. "It's not possible though, it's only been in the oven 10 minutes, and it needs at least 20 to cook. I just don't get it?"

"It's okay Sook," Lorelai said calmly, thinking back to her own unjustified self-criticism. "We were talking and you probably just missed something, it happens," she said confidently, trying to reassure her friend.

"It doesn't happen to me," the chef replied angrily. "The party is in a couple of days, what if I can't get this right, we have to have this cake, it's perfect," she said, her face turning downwards.

"Sookie, look at all this food," she said pointing at the counter full of gory desserts. "Everything looks amazing, I was probably just distracting you, I'm very good at distracting," she cajoled elbowing her best friend lightly, until she saw the tell tale signs of a smile forming.

"I have to go to Luke's now," she remembered, slowly changing the subject while a smile was on the horizon.

"Oh, oh, here," Sookie said, grabbing a Tupperware dish and filling it with random odds and ends from the counter. "Try these and let me know what you think of them tonight, okay?"

"Mmmmm," Lorelai moaned, looking at the veritable feast that lay before her. "I will be snacking all night," she said as she headed for the door. Just before she could exit, Jackson walked in with a confused look on his face.

"Gosh Sookie, what did you do, let Lorelai try to cook?" he questioned jokingly.

She saw Sookie's face fall, and she kicked Jackson's foot and hissed, 'not helping' as she headed out the door, calling quickly over her shoulder, she let her friend know what she thought.

"Probably just the oven tired out from all the cooking Sook, just relax, I'll talk to you later."

Getting outside she sat the tray on the thick railing surrounding the porch and buttoned up her coat, keeping her heat in from the late October winds. Looking down at the tray, she picked up a sticky witches finger and took a giant bite. She gagged slightly and took the disgusting creation from her mouth and threw it behind the big bush at the corner of the porch.

"What the," she questioned gently, looking at the rest of the food as if it would reach out to strangle her at any minute.

"You forgot your purse," Jackson said coming up behind her, before looking at her questioningly.

"Does Sookie have the flu or something?" Lorelai asked quietly.

"No, why," Jackson asked not understanding where the question had come from.

"Just, don't eat any of her baking tonight, okay?" she said quietly, praying her friend wouldn't hear her.

"What are you talking about?" Jackson questioned, his voice getting louder than she cared for.

"Just trust me," she said, handing him her tray of Tupperware, and turning to leave. Over her shoulder she called, "tell her I must have set the tray down and forgot it, talk to you later," she said as she hurried away, almost seeing the questioning look Jackson was wearing behind her.

"Good evening Stars Hollow. How are you all this fine evening?" Lorelai questioned loudly as she entered her favorite dining establishment.

She watched as Luke walked by her coffee pot in hand and rolled his eyes at her, smiling and batting her eyelashes in an overly dramatic fashion, she quickly swooped in grabbing the coffee pot and headed over to the only occupied table and took a seat with her favorite gossips.

"Well someone is in a fantastic mood," Miss Patty commented jovially, eying Luke out of the corner of her eye with a giant smirk on her face.

"I am, I am," Lorelai replied, seeing Miss Patty's smirk and not being able to resist a little fun. "How could I not be in a fantastic mood when there is eye candy as good as that?" she said laughing.

"Mmmm," Miss Patty purred, now clearly eying Luke for the world to see. "He is quite the fine specimen," she said causing her and Babette to cackle.

"I was talking about the coffee personally, but to each his own," Lorelai said still laughing while stroking the handle of the coffee pot.

"You have two minutes," Luke said, clearly keeping his body closer to Lorelai as opposed to Patty who looked about ready to pounce. Setting the cup down quickly, he walked away at an angle keeping Patty from staring at his ass.

"That's all I need," Lorelai yelled, already filling the cup to the brim with her favorite liquid goodness.

"So how was New York Babette?" Lorelai questioned her seemingly quiet neighbor.

"Oh it was amazing Doll," Babette said loudly.

Lorelai was aware of how lucky she had been with the timing of her recovery. Babette and Morey were in New York for almost a month with random gigs, and Miss Patty took every opportunity to join them for shows. It had been easier to keep her secret from the town with the two biggest gossips nowhere in sight.

"We had a great time, and Morey met some of his idols, oh and let me tell you a roomful of men playing the blues, hot!" Babette said fanning herself dramatically.

"I'll second that," Miss Patty chimed in, sending the women on another fit of raucous laughter

Lorelai was about to get up when the women calmed and surprised her with a question of her own.

"So," Miss Patty said coyly, "I heard our favorite hunky diner owner was making a lot of stops at your place over the last little while," Patty said conspiratorially, leaning closer to Lorelai leaving it clear that she wanted the scoop.

'Oh God,' Lorelai thought, she hadn't been expecting that question, catching Luke's eye; she pleaded for him to notice her.

"Anytime Lorelai, or am I paying you as entertainment?" he questioned, seeing the look on the gossiping duos faces he quickly added "not that kind of entertainment," before quickly walking away.

Standing up quickly she racked her brain for a quick response that would give them enough information while allowing her to get away quickly.

"Well I had a really bad cold and both Luke and Sookie were bringing me food." She explained.

"You had a cold for almost a month?" Miss Patty questioned cautiously. Knowing she would be caught Lorelai went for the kill.

"Well no," she started, seeing both women lean in conspiratorially she continued. "The inn got sold while you were gone Babette, and I took it pretty hard," she said softly, knowing that it was partially true, but feeling slightly guilty for having to use the situation as her means of escape from the conversation.

"Oh Sugar," Babette rasped, pulling her into a tight hug, "If I had of known I would have been here," she said, pulling her even tighter into her body.

Pulling back as far as possible, Lorelai continued, "It's okay guys, seriously," she said seeing the looks on both women's faces, making her feel even guiltier. "

She was interrupted from the conversation as a large group of people entered the diner, filling up most of the available seats.

"Sorry to cut this short ladies," Lorelai said turning away from the table, "but duty calls," she said putting on a loud chipper voice. More quietly she whispered before leaving, "I really am all right, things just had to get a little bumpy before the smooth ride, right?" she ended with a hopeful look on her face.

"That's right," Miss Patty replied, throwing money down on the table to cover the two women's meals.

"We can't wait to see what you do with the Dragonfly. It is guaranteed to be a success!"

"Thanks ladies," Lorelai said, looking completely touched, "that means a lot to me." Smiling slightly she thought about it, maybe things were about to take a positive turn in her life. "See you ladies later," she said as she walked up to the group of newest diners.

It had been a quiet night. With the exception of the first burst of customers, the diner had been almost completely empty, which was very unusual for a Saturday night. Lorelai sat at her favorite table watching as Kirk tried unsuccessfully to set up the Halloween decorations outside, while Taylor yelled in the background.

Stirred from her thoughts she watched as Luke slid a plate of sweet potato fries and a turkey sandwich in front of her, eyeing it warily, she took a fry and dipped it in a generous mix of sauce on the side.

"Mmm, what is this?" she questioned, skipping the fry, and dipping her finger in the sweet tasting sauce on the side of her plate, then sucking on it hungrily.

Luke let out a disgusted sound at her eating the sauce alone, and slid her a napkin.

"Eat it with the fries or I'm taking it back," he said before taking a bite of his own sandwich.

Taking the largest fry available, she swiped it through the sauce and popped it in her mouth, gesturing wildly for him to answer her question.

"It's just a marinara sauce, it's a lot more healthy then Ketchup," he said before getting up. Returning quickly, he sat a glass of water in front of himself, and a glass of dark liquid in front of her.

"What's this?" she asked, looking down at the dark liquid with a small dab of whip cream on top.

"Half hot chocolate half coffee," he answered easily, finishing the last of his sandwich and wiping his fingers on the napkin beside his plate.

"Yum," she answered taking a large gulp.

"Ick!" she grimaced giving him the evil eye. "You didn't say it was decaf!"

"Part of my, 'don't ask don't tell' policy," he said smirking at her.

Sighing dramatically, Lorelai swirled her finger in the whip cream, causing the cream to make patterns in the dark liquid below it.

"So my Mom and I are doing a lot better," she started out timidly, seeing that she caught his full attention, she continued.

"You know, she told me she had a hysterectomy when she was younger than me, I was about 4. She said she took it really hard, apparently we had always been really close, it wasn't always me and the nanny. My Mom said she did everything. After her surgery though, she was too weak to pick me up, or play with me. My dad was pretty useless with things of that nature, and in a moment of stupidity I guess he called Trix." At the look of confusion she continued.

"Trix is my grandmother, I'm named after her. Trix is just my father's pet name for her." She went on.

"She and my Mom have a really turbulent relationship, if you can imagine it, it's about 100 times worse than the worst day of the relationship I have with my mom. She told me that when Trix showed up she took total control. She hired a nanny and refused to let my mother see me until she was fully better." She felt a tear run down her face and Luke softly brush it away, before taking her hand.

"She told me that," taking a deep breath she tried again. "She told me that, Gran told her that she was a failure, that Dad should have married some other woman, a woman who could have bore him a son, someone to keep the legacy going. She told her that she was too weak to be a Gilmore, to common to keep the Gilmore name the center of Hartford society. My grandmother stayed for almost a year treating her like that, and I didn't even know."

Getting angry, her voice rose. "I can't imagine that, you know? How can you have someone continuously berate you and make you feel like a failure, especially over something like that? She told me over the course of the year, she started to do anything she could to get Trix to like her, to get her to respect her. She started planning elaborate parties, and getting seats on all of the committees worth mentioning in Hartford. She told me it wasn't what she wanted, but she felt like such a failure, she just wanted to help make my dad a success. God you know I don't even remember Gran being there, and you know why? It's because she didn't see me, she felt she was there to fix things, not play babysitter, apparently I only saw her at the dinner table the few times we dined together as a family."

Her voice dropped, and she let out a tiny sob as she continued. "Mom told me how much she loved me, how much she loved our time together and how she wanted a house full of kids. I always thought that I had been the reason they didn't have more children, you know, like I had done something so wrong that my mother didn't want to chance having another me in the house."

At this Luke got up and lifted her, sitting quickly, he lowered her into his lap and let her cry. After a few moments he began rubbing her back and talking softly.

"Lorelai, it's no wonder you don't remember these things happening, you were too young to even understand them, let alone remember them happening. It's not your fault that these things happened. I can't even imagine what it was like for you to hear these things about your mother and grandmother, but I'm more worried about you." At this his voiced dropped more, and he turned her chin to face him.

"Please tell me you don't feel these things about yourself, please tell me that you know that you didn't do something wrong, you know this isn't a punishment, right?" He watched as a tear rolled down her face as she tried to pull away, to have him not be able to see her face.

"Jeez Lorelai," he whispered softly, putting his face in her hair, lips directly beside her ear, holding her tightly to him. He could feel her trembling in his arms; her soft shaky breathes breaking his heart.

"I have no idea how you see things, how you feel about this whole situation, but I do know that this doesn't change the person you are. I can't even begin to imagine the thoughts that have come and gone from your head, but let me tell you something," he said, his voice growing in confidence. "This does not make or break you, this does not change the person you are, or how I see you, except to make me see you as a stronger more beautiful woman."

"I don't know how to let go," she said quietly. "I always dreamt I would do it right, get married, have children. It was hard growing up and being a mom at the same time, but I felt like it was what I was meant to be. Raising Rory was the most amazing thing to ever happen to me. I'm so scared. It's bad enough I can't physically have children, but what if Sookie doesn't get pregnant, what if I never get to experience those things again?"

She felt Luke tense as he prepared to answer her but they were interrupted by a loud yelp from outside. Hearing the commotion she looked out the window and watched as the Taylor and Kirk argued over the decorations with Kirk frantically pointing between the tree and the ground. She watched as they finally called it quits, both walking in separate directions, the town decorated to the hilt with decorations.

Getting up quickly Lorelai picked up the bottles of condiments from the table and carried them over to the counter to join the rest.

"I'm just going to fill these," she said softly, pointing at the various shakers and bottles waiting for their nightly ritual.

"Ok," he said, walking to the door and flipping the sign to _'__closed__'_. "You clean up out here and I'll get the kitchen," he said quietly. On any other night he would have told her to go home, but after their previous exchange he wanted to make sure she had time to calm down and really think about his words.

20 minutes later, Lorelai was finished. She could hear Luke scraping the grill in the kitchen, and knew she had another 5 minute wait before he would be finished. The conversation was awkward to her, but she didn't want to leave, something was keeping her there. Eying the remains of the coffee pot she poured it into a glass and set the pot in the sink to rinse over night. Pushing up, she pulled herself on to the top of the counter and sat legs dangling over the side, coffee cup in hand.

"So I forgot to tell you," she yelled out back, "I was over at Sookie's today planning for the Halloween party, and she must have been having an off day, because let me tell you the food was terrible!" she laughed, trying to fill the unforgivable silence that had surrounded her.

"Really?" he questioned. "I don't think I have ever heard you once complain about Sookie's food."

"Oh this, my friend, was bad!" she exaggerated. "But in all seriousness, if she has a cold or something, I don't know what we will do. The party is only in a couple of days and it's not like I can help with it, though I'm sure my food would taste better than hers at this point," she said with a thoughtful grimace.

Lost in her own thoughts she didn't notice Luke coming out of the kitchen, and was caught 'red-handed' sitting on top of the counter.

"Jeez, people eat here," he said walking up to her and giving her the evil eye.

Laughing she swung her legs like a little kid, letting her ankles bang against the back of the counter. Jutting her chin out, she put on a bad western accent and looked him in the eye.

"What you gonna do about it Butch?" she questioned playfully.

Rolling his eyes he took the remaining steps quickly and placed his hands on her waist, carefully lifting her from the counter, he set her on the floor. Though her feet were firmly planted, he continued to hold her waist and slowly dragged her closer to his body. He felt her arms go around his neck and her head nuzzle into his shoulder. They stood there, wrapped together in each other's arms and just stood, no movement, no words.

He felt her slowly pulling back and observed her looking at him closely. He watched as her eyes carefully traced the features of his face, and took in a steadying breath as she slowly inched towards him.

"I'm pregnant!" came a loud screech from the doorway followed by a loud bang. Backing apart quickly they both looked at an excited Sookie, who was jumping up and down in the doorway in front of an equally happy looking Jackson.

"What?" Lorelai croaked out, placing a hand to her mouth.

Jackson closed the door, and Sookie took a couple more steps towards her friends.

"I'm pregnant," she said again, this time more quietly, almost in awe of the words leaving her mouth.

Lorelai walked slowly to Sookie, almost in slow motion. The declaration itself and what it would mean to her and her friends, astonished her. She was in complete shock, standing about a foot apart; she took Sookie's hands in hers and again questioned her.

Since Sookie seemed too flabbergasted to talk, Jackson began to explain.

"When you left I was really worried so I tried some of the foods that you left behind, and you were right they were terrible. I went in, scared to death to say anything to Sookie about her cooking, so I just questioned her about her day. She told me she had been a bit sick that morning, but that Davey was sick earlier in the week and she thought she had caught something. It all started coming together for me, the sickness, the terrible tasting food she had made. I asked her to try some of her food and she thought it all tasted fine, that's when I knew for sure."

"Oh my God, I can't believe I forgot," Lorelai whispered.

"I don't get it," Luke said, coming from behind the counter.

"The last time Sookie made bad food, she thought it was amazing, and she wouldn't believe me when I told her something was wrong. The last time that happened she was pregnant with Martha," Jackson said, filling in the blanks for his clueless friend.

"Oh, wow," Luke said, sitting down at the one remaining table that still had its chairs down. Sitting beside him, Jackson continued.

"We went to Woodbridge right away, and Sookie took the pregnancy tests in the bathroom, we bought 5, and all 5 came back positive. We wanted to make sure though, so we went to the hospital and got blood work done, and the tests were accurate, she's pregnant.

We've been driving around for hours, but I was too scared to bring her back to town early, we wanted to make sure no one was around when we told you," he said, looking over at the two women, who stood holding hands staring at each other.

Lorelai was trembling. She could feel her bottom lip quivering; so many thoughts were running through her head. She closed her eyes and felt her grip tighten on her friend, tears were welling but there was no stopping them. She stood there breathing deeply feeling each and every tear roll down her face. She felt Sookie squeeze her fingers gently, questioning what Lorelai was thinking.

Opening her mouth, Lorelai let out a small noise, a happy puff of breath escaped her lungs, before she pulled Sookie tightly to her.

"Thank you, thank you so much," she whispered quietly. "You'll never understand what you've done, what you're doing for me," she continued, squeezing her friend tightly to her. She felt Sookie begin to cry as they held each other tightly in the center of the diner. Looking up at the sky she whispered a thank you. She was not religious in the least, but felt that there had to be some higher power out there to give her such a gift. Looking over Sookie's shoulder she watched as Jackson shook his head in a similar movement, thanking whatever power he believed in.

Finally she caught Luke's eye. He had been staring down at his hands with a weird look on his face. She was beginning to get nervous. Was it finally hitting him how real this was, what they had done, was he regretting it? After what felt like hours, he looked up at her, with such tenderness and whispered thank you. His thank you was far different from hers though. Hers had been to a higher power, someone who was predestined to watch over her, his thanks was to her. Closing her eyes she continued to see him in her mind and whispered thank you a few more times, now understand how big the situation was.

**Timeline:**

ok as my wonderful beta pointed out, I kind of made a mess of the actual time line of the story so I just want to quickly sum things up and hope that it makes sense.

This is beginning of season 4 there was no Jason but Luke had previously married Nicole, and divorced her for the same reason in the show. Sookie and Jackson have been married longer than they were in the show and had both Davey and Martha (though everything happened the same way for them as it did in the show, just sped up). Jackson had a vasectomy so he is unable to have children, that's why Sookie didn't mind doing this for Lorelai, she wouldn't be having any more children of her own. I guess I could have left this open so that they could have had children more, but I thought I might have hinted at this in previous chapters so its best to leave it this way.

The Independence Inn was sold just at the beginning of this story so in Season 4 in my world. They had long since given up on it because of the fire, it just took a while to sell it. Because it was being sold off, Mia let Lorelai keep control of the functional parts to use as office space for herself, that way she could have a place to work out of, on setting up things for the Dragonfly, as well, that way someone would be there to help out with any arising issues with the sale, as well as to show potential buyers the property.

Lorelai and Rory did go to Europe, when they got back they got her prepared for Yale. Rory went to Yale in mid to end August and Lorelai found out her diagnosis by early September, and had the surgery at the end of the month. It has been a couple of weeks since, and it is a couple of days before Halloween.

Hope this helps, leave messages and comments if its not clear and ill try to build a better timeline or explain anything that is unclear.


	21. Chapter 21

So I'm well aware I suck and I appologize for that. I have had a lot of issues at work to deal with and I got this chapter done finally a couple of days ago but my beta is busy right now too (must be that time of year again!) so I'm posting this unbeta'd. Next chapter will be a bit coming as well. I'm going to Europe for part of the summer so I'm hoping to get another chapter out before I go but not sure if it will happen. I don't have anything scheduled to happen in the next chapter in my outline as I figured I would need a chapter to pick up lose ends which I haven't really needed so I would love suggestions on what you are thinking. I am thinking maybe Sookie and Lorelai going to a spa or something just where its the two of them alone and they can talk. I want to give more of Sookie's thoughts but having a chapter from her pov doesn't really fit the story in my opinion. So again please forgive me, and review and tell me what your thinking and what you would like to see!

**Oh, and I tried to make it extra long to help with the forgiveness!**

Chapter 21

"I can't believe it's his birthday tomorrow and we forgot!" Lorelai exclaimed over the phone to her daughter.

"It's not like he's going to want to do anything, you know how he feels about his birthday," Rory answered back, slightly distracted by the mounting pile of homework which lay before her.

"It is a big deal though Rory. I can't believe with all that's been going on I forgot! What kind of friend am I that I could forget my best friends birthday?"

"Mom, Luke isn't going to want some big party, if anything, he would want something low key. I'm sorry I can't help more but I just have way too much to do in the next few days if I'm going to be able to come home for Thanksgiving," she ended, trying not to sound as harsh as she knew Lorelai would take it.

Her mother had been overwrought with emotions lately and it was easy to set her off. She knew her mother was completely stressed out, but it seemed almost every time they had talked in the last week it had ended with Lorelai crying, or yelling at her, though an apology was always quick to follow.

Her mother huffed and sighed deeply. "I know Rory, I'm sorry," her mother replied softly, "I just don't want anyone to feel that I am losing them in the shuffle."

"I know Mom, and none of us feel that way. This is such an exciting time for you, stressful by all means but it will be worth it."

"I know Kid," her mother sighed gently. "I'm going to let you go, get back to your studying because I need my Rory time soon before I go crazy," she added with a dramatic flourish.

"Going crazy huh, that's debatable," her daughter replied cheekily. "Love you Mom, take care, and tell Luke happy birthday for me," she said before quickly hanging up.

Two weeks had passed since the night Sookie had announced she was pregnant. It had been an emotional rollercoaster of a ride, but Lorelai was grateful for the love and support she had been receiving.

After the initial shock had worn off that night, the four friends had sat down and discussed where to go from there. It was decided that for the time being, the only people who were to know would be Rory, and Lorelai's parents.

Lorelai had waited with baited breath all that night. She had wanted to run to her daughter immediately, fling open the door and scream it to the world, but knew this was not an option. It had taken all of her strength, but in a show of great willpower she had held off, and decided to surprise Rory the next morning.

With little sleep, Lorelai had showed up at Rory's door at 6:45 the following morning. Not knowing when her daughter had classes, but wanting to be prepared just the same it had been decided. She knew like herself, her daughter was not a morning person, but she hoped the good news and extra large Luke's coffee would help to soften the blow of the early morning call.

Raising her hand to knock, Lorelai had been shocked when the door was yanked open and a frantic Paris ran past her. Without so much as a look back, Paris continued to fly down the hallway, nearly taking out another student in her panic. Shrugging and rolling her eyes, Lorelai had continued into the apartment, knowing that with a panicked Paris, her daughter had most likely been up from the racket.

"Knock knock," she had called, knocking quietly on Rory's door, before slowly swinging it open.

Her daughter had blinked back the morning fog, and looked at her groggily.

"Mom?" she questioned, "what are you doing here, is everything all right?" she said, sitting up in a semi-panicked state.

"Yea Kid, everything's great. I uh, I have news, but I don't know if it's apartment news, or go out to breakfast news," she had said, quickly building up to a good rant. Rory who must have sensed the impending rant, had raised a hand to silence her, before patting the spot on the bed next to her, and reaching for the cup of coffee which had long since been forgotten about in her hand.

Taking a long sip of the liquid goodness, she motioned for her mother to tell her.

"Sookie's pregnant," Lorelai let out softly.

Almost choking on the coffee, Rory's eyes widened, and upon swallowing, her mouth dropped open.

"Pregnant?" she questioned gently.

"You're going to be a big sister," she had said, acutely aware of the Cheshire cat grin over taking her face.

"Oh my God," Rory screamed out before throwing herself into her mother's arms and almost knocking them off the bed.

And so it went. For over an hour the girls had screamed and laughed, cried and giggled, dreamed and planned. Lorelai had shared her plan to tell her parents and her insecurities in doing so. She knew that they both knew that this was the plan, but still that little piece of her wanted to do it right, to be married first. She knew it wasn't an option, and that life was working out differently than she had planned, but that little piece of her held fast.

Lorelai was snapped from her thoughts as her stomach rumbled loudly. 'Time for Luke's' she thought, before quickly grabbing her purse and keys from the entryway table.

Entering Luke's she smiled cheerily at her favourite coffee provider. Sitting down in the back corner, she set up her laptop in front of her, and opened it to the file on the Dragonfly, making it clear to those around her that she was in work mode and not to be disturbed. Luke had quickly dropped off a large cup of coffee and two strawberry danish for her.

"I'm really swamped now but can we talk later?" she asked him quietly.

"Sure," he said, nodding, and walking away, leaving her to her work.

It amazed her but nothing had changed since the news of the pregnancy. Luke was still Luke, pouring her coffee, joking with her when the diner would be in a lull, and helping her around her house.

The almost kiss was not brought up, which made her happy. The feelings she had been having for her best friend were throwing her for a loop. She had always been attracted to him, and knowing what a great guy he was, but had never seriously considered dating him. So why now was she always thinking about it?

She had been extremely jealous of the other women in Luke's life. When Rachel came her insecurities had flared, seeing Rachel sans makeup, in all her natural beauty had torn her up. Geez she had thought, no wonder the man was single, he'd never find anyone who could top Rachel's beauty and charm.

It was her distain for Nicole that had brought about the biggest round of jealousy. Rachel had been gorgeous, an outdoorsy person who was healthy and adventurous just like Luke. The other women, who had flitted in and out, usually only long enough to keep Luke's flirting from getting rusty, had been just that, temporary. Knowing how good it felt to have your ego stroked, she knew he would never take them seriously. But Nicole, Nicole had posed a threat.

The relationship had come out of the blue, and from what she had heard, he approached her. Her quiet, shy Luke had approached a woman he had just met, a lawyer none the less, and asked her out. It offended her. Here she had been for over 5 years, sitting in front of him, and he had not even given her a second look. She had heard the rumours, but if the rumours were true, she would have noticed something, something more than the little spark in his eye when they had a particularly good banter.

In Europe was when it hit her, and boy did it hit hard. It had almost seemed as if he was asking her permission to move on with his life, to take his commitment to Nicole to another level, a level signified by a cruise, and when she had returned, she had realized she was right, and not only that, she had given him her permission!

She had entered the closed diner, luggage still in tow, wanting to make some things clear, what things she wasn't sure, but she knew with all the thoughts building in her mind, something was brewing and most likely to explode. Luke had hugged her warmly and told her how he had missed her. She had breathed him in, realizing just how much she had missed him, and how important he was to her. She was glad she had arrived just after close because the news he shared shocked her.

They had sat and talked about her trip until the focus turned to him. He had looked ashen, almost ashamed. Her stomach was flip flopping, she could sense that something had happened and that she was not going to like it, but was surprised by how much worse it actually was.

'I proposed to Nicole,' he said cutting to the chase. Before she could even digest the news he had continued. 'We, uh, we got married on the cruise ship.' It had felt like her heart had been ripped out and sat before her, still beating on the table. Unbeknownst to her, she stared at the table as if it actually lay there, beating for her eyes only. She could barely breathe. You just lost him was all she could think

'Wow, um congratulations,' she had finally manage to spit out.

'There's more,' he had said so quietly.

Her stomach tightened and she felt sick, 'she's pregnant' she thought to herself.

'We're getting divorced,' he said, sounding so defeated.

'What?' she had questioned, still feeling sick from the news.

'I'm so embarrassed Lorelai, I just, I don't know what happened. Things were so good on the ship, and you know I just kind of forgot about everything else. I wanted things to continue how they were, and I proposed. Nicole talked to the captain and he married us. It just happened so fast. The next day we woke up and just looked at each other and started avoiding each other. We both knew, but neither of us wanted to admit that it was a mistake, that we had just been drinking too much.'

She had watched him, her heart breaking. He looked so defeated, head hanging low, his head rolling and cracking occasionally, and finally looking to the heavens as if to ask for forgiveness.

'We were stuck on that cruise for another week. A week of avoiding each other, fake smiles, and barely speaking. When we got back is when it hit me, we're married, we live in different towns, and we hardly ever see each other as it is. She told me she would help me move in to her place and I snapped. I told her I needed time, that I wasn't expecting this. She flipped out and started yelling at me about how we were married and how we had to make it work. She told me how strongly her family felt about divorce, and how she couldn't hurt them like that. We didn't talk for almost two weeks after that.

A couple of nights ago, I decided I made my bed; it was time to lie in it. I wouldn't do that to her, I wouldn't make her face the humiliation of divorce. I packed up my truck and headed to her place. I found her in bed with some guy.'

She had watched the looks on his face as he told his story, felt her own nausea ebb and flow with the tale. He amazed her, how he would put Nicole ahead of himself, wanting to shelter her from the realities of what they had done.

'It's not your fault,' she had heard herself utter to him. 'You both made a mistake, and you tried to do what you thought was right.'

He continued to talk as if he didn't hear her, as if he was in a room alone, trying to sort through his thoughts.

'Oh, and she has the audacity to use my biggest hopes and fears against me. Things I had told her in confidence and now she's trying to bribe me to stay with her by using those things against me.' Looking as if someone had just twisted a knife in his stomach, he stood quickly, pushing the chair back before grabbing it and flipping it up on top of the table, signifying he was done for the night.

Sitting in the same seat as she had that night, Lorelai finally realized what he had meant by that statement. The night she had told him about her illness, he had mentioned how Nicole had tried to get him to stay in the relationship by telling him she would have children with him. It caused a bubble of anger to well up within her

How could Nicole do that? How could she use something so personal to her advantage? She had been the one to cheat, to make the decision that she wanted more than what he could give her. It was unfair and hurtful, and she couldn't understand how someone could sink so low. She couldn't understand it, Luke was everything to her, and to want more than that, more than what he could give a woman, it wasn't possible. She had never really stopped to think about it before but Luke filled every role that she wanted in a man.

She had told Rory once the 3 things she wanted in a man, 3 things that should be so simple, but were ending up as deal breakers when the men could not abide by them. Though she had not had many relationships, these 3 things were the guidelines she tried to live by.

Her most recent relationship had been Alex. He had been a great distraction but she had wondered if he could ever turn into more. On the outside it appeared he was perfect for her. A budding entrepreneur he had a nose for the perfect cup of coffee. Though the relationship had started for the wrong reasons, she did find him a good catch.

He had come into her life at the perfect time. Just out of a serious relationship, she had been looking for a rebound guy, a way to keep her mind trained away from Max, and the potential to go crawling back to him.

Alex was charming and funny. He took her on dates that she could easily right 'a best of' guide for. He peaked her interests, keeping a mix of things she would love to do, with a mix of things she would never consider. It kept her on her toes, never knowing what to expect it was a wild ride.

It all came to a screeching halt the night she invited him to Stars Hollow. For the most part, Lorelai had always met Alex out of town. Liking to keep her dating life separate it made it easier to meet him somewhere and go from there. It had been 2 months of fun filled dates, and finally she decided it was time to slowly start integrating him into her world.

She had invited him for a tour of the town. They had decided to meet at the Independence Inn and go from there. Everything had been fine until they got to town. With strange looks from all of the town's people, she had become increasingly nervous. With no idea of the quirks of the town, Alex had not noticed, and was continuously asking questions and pointing things out to her that amused him.

Finally when they had begun to circle back to the center of town was when it happened. Miss Patty made her way over to them with Babette and Gypsy hot on her heels.

'Lorelai, darling, aren't you going to introduce us to your hunky friend?' Miss Patty had purred out, eyeing him up and down.

Smiling broadly, she had let go of his hand and gestured wildly among them.

'Alex, this is Miss Patty, she runs the dance studio I pointed out earlier, and behind her is Gypsy our friendly local mechanic, and that, is my neighbour Babette who makes the best chocolate chip cookies in the world,' she said quickly, trying to avoid whatever was to come next.

'Nice to meet you ladies,' Alex said cordially. 'Chocolate chip cookies, hmmm, maybe ill have to get your recipe for my coffee shops'.

'Coffee shop?' Babette rasped out. 'Poor Luke will be distraught!'

She had sighed deeply at that, and so it begins she thought to herself. Rolling her eyes she looked at the women gathered before them.

'Well it was nice to see you ladies but we have to go.'

'Okay Sugar, see you at the town meeting tonight!' Babette answered brightly before turning and heading off with the other women.

'Town meeting, we should go!' he said with a little too much enthusiasm for her liking.

They had finally decided to go to Al's. He had told her of his love for pancakes, but after explaining Al's themed menu's he had laughed at the hilarity, and made it clear that Al's Manic Manicotti Monday was where they needed to be.

They had sat and ate, Lorelai for once almost in silence. She had listened to Alex and was surprised by what he said. He had went on and on about her town, and her friends. At first it seemed funny. Lorelai being one to pick humour out of any situation was keenly aware of the little hidden gems of quirkiness that her town had to offer, but he was taking it too far.

He had first asked her if Babette was a chain smoker, as her voice was so raspy. Finding it perfectly acceptable, as Babette did have a rather unusual voice she just laughed it off and explained how great a singer Babette could be with a voice as unique as hers. When he had brought up how they must be pretty desperate for a mechanic around here to be hiring a woman, she had laughed loudly, assuming he was joking, until she saw the look on his face. Wanting to diffuse the situation as quickly as possible she cracked a joke about how often Gypsy had been under her hood. The last straw came when he had made a crack about Miss Patty's weight and how she must be an inspiration to all her little dancers. She had been about to take off when Kirk had come running in and plopped himself down at their table.

'I've been looking everywhere for you,' Kirk said, eyeing the extra dinner roll on the side of Lorelai's plate hungrily.

Rolling her eyes she pushed the plate toward him, making a silent gesture for him to take what he wanted and get on with it.

'Everyone's talking about your new Luke, I just had to see him for myself. Trading Luke in for a younger model huh?' he said, laughing at the hilarity of his words.

Alex looked at her questioningly and seeing she was not about to answer, he replied coldly, 'we'll I can't wait to meet this Luke I keep hearing about.'

Ever so helpful, Kirk stepped in before she could reply.

'Well, that won't be a problem he's probably on his way to the town meeting now' he said, putting another chunk of butter on the small piece of roll he had left.

She watched as his eyes widened and he let out a yelp, dropping the buttered roll onto the table, where it promptly bounced before falling to the floor.

'The meeting, the meeting, we're going to be late, come on lets go,' he yelped, standing up and waiting impatiently for them to follow.

'Oh no Kirk, I think we're going to sit this one out.'

'No Lorelai, it's okay, I would love to see this meeting,' he replied, stressing the word love.

She sat through the meeting fuming. She couldn't believe the way Alex was acting. She could understand some of the jealousy he was having when Luke's name was mentioned as the town was making it seem as if Luke was her recent ex, but the things he said about her friends, and the way he seemed to be looking down on her town infuriated her.

When the meeting finished, they were quickly swarmed by Miss Patty and Babette, who dragged them to Luke's, explaining on the way, how Luke's was the local hangout.

When they entered Lorelai was struck by the look Luke was giving her. She couldn't figure out what it was, but assumed he was mad because of all the Alex talk that was sure to have been flitting into his diner. With the way the townies were making it seem on her end, she could only imagine what Luke was hearing.

'Coffee coffee coffee,' she said as enthusiastically as she could muster, eyeing Alex, Luke looked down at him and held the pot out towards him.

'Please,' Alex responded, 'best to check out my competition,' he joked.

She couldn't take it as a joke though, she was tired and stressed, and very much rethinking her relationship with Alex.

'Well, you'll never steal my affections from Luke's coffee no matter how hard you try,' she replied with a fake smile, before quickly closing her eyes and inhaling the ambrosia goodness.

The date had pretty much ended there with Alex griping about how he thought his coffee was better, and Lorelai trying to tune him out.

She had decided to wait it out. Maybe this was just an off night, he in a bad mood snapping at everything, and she stressed out and over reacting to everything. Deciding to leave the ball in his court, she waited for his phone call. After a week of not hearing from him, she realized she hadn't even missed him.

She was pulled from her thoughts as Luke sat down, and lowered the laptop monitor.

"Hmm?" she questioned, confused by the interruptions of reality on her thoughts.

"I was just wondering if you planned on working tonight, on anything. You've been sitting there for hours and I haven't seen you type anything, and your shift here started 10 minutes ago," he said, eying her curiously.

"Oh my gosh Luke I'm so sorry I didn't even realize, just give me a minute to put this stuff away.

Setting everything back in her case, she looked around desperate for a safe place to put it, not finding one she looked to him, and he nodded to upstairs.

"Be right back," she said, jumping up and grabbing her stuff.

Once in his apartment, she took a deep breath. She found herself quite often becoming lost in her thoughts. Placing the bag on his coffee table, she quickly ran to the bathroom to straighten herself up.

Thinking of the pounding headache she was already starting to get, she quickly looked to Luke's cabinets, praying he would have some Tylenol. Opening a door she found it on her first try. Good old reliable Luke. Everything had a place, and strangely enough she could just look around and know where he would keep something.

It was weird to her, but she felt very at home in Luke's apartment. Though she had not been there often it was comfortable to her, made her feel safe. She assumed it was because of how small and cozy it was, simplistic, but featuring everything the man required.

She remembered how Max had kicked up a fuss about how she lived. He had made it clear to her that they would be organizing her things into some sense of semblance and possibly getting a maid. She had laughed hard at this until she realized he wasn't joking.

They had talked once, and he had said things come down to compromise in a marriage, in love. Not knowing how to respond she had nodded her head mutely, knowing how she hated compromise.

It wasn't until Luke had given her the chuppah, and they had talked so openly about life and love. She felt as if it was a two-way conversation, as opposed to the conversation with Max, which she had felt stifled. It was then that she realized how she felt her independence was being taken away from her.

It was the conversation with Luke that had started her downward spiral away from Max. She could feel herself pulling away and felt herself ready to snap. She had called Max that evening and fired off random questions.

'Do you have a coupon drawer? 'No, coupons are for people who don't have money,' he replied as if it was a given. Sighing inwardly at his answer she was about to continue when he interrupted her.

'If you're worried about money, don't. I can take care of us and you can stay home and take care of the kids. I know you're no cook, but that's ok, you could stay home and we could hire a cook, or we could eat out often.' She didn't know what to think, the idea of a houseful of children warmed her heart, but the thought that she would have to give up the job she held so dear, didn't.

'Will we have a white picket fence and a little dog?' she asked, trying to regain her focus. 'I don't care if we have a dog but I think my wrought iron fence would look terrible painted white.' He wants me to move she thought, the thought pulling at her heartstrings.

'Are you alright,' he had questioned, noticing her silence.

'Yea, just lots on my mind,' she said. Trying to figure a way out of the conversation she decided she needed to think.

'I have to go,' she told him softly, 'I have to call Rory.'

This had been the last time she talked to him, before leaving the message ending their engagement on his answering machine.

Pulling herself from her memories she sat the bottle of Tylenol back in the cupboard and made her way down to the diner.

It had been a long night. The diner had stayed packed the entire time that she worked. Luke looked exhausted and she felt the same. At 10 minutes to closing her phone rang. Seeing as the diner was deserted, Luke shrugged his shoulders and went into the kitchen leaving her to her call.

When he came back she was sitting at the counter, mug in hand with a pensive look on her face. She looked at him as he sat down and she nodded to the phone.

"My mother," she said.

Looking at her questioningly, he allowed her to continue on her own terms.

"She wants you to start coming to Friday night dinner."

"Is that so bad?" he questioned gently.

"I don't know," she answered softly. After a brief pause she continued.

"You don't know her Luke. Things have been so much better lately, but I still know what she can be like, and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. They were so amazing when I told them about the baby."

"I wish you had let me come," he said gently, not hinting at hurt or anger, but softly letting her know that he wanted to be there for her.

"I know," she said her voice soft and wistful.

After leaving Rory's apartment, Lorelai had headed to the mall. She was thrilled to have shared the baby news with her daughter, but was nervous about telling her parents. Having discussed the situation with both of them already, she knew they were excited by the possibility of the pregnancy, but she still had lingering doubts in her mind. Picking up her necessary items, she had made her way slowly towards her parents home.

Upon her arrival she sat thinking about the way this pregnancy was different from her pregnancy with Rory. Though pretty much every circumstance had changed, she still had the sickening nervousness overtaking her. Pushing through the feeling, she had grabbed the centerpiece resting on the passenger seat, and made her way to the door.

When she had entered, she found her parents in the sitting room, her father's face buried in a newspaper, and her mother looking through her organizer.

'Morning,' she said gently.

'Good morning Lorelai,' her father said warmly, putting down his newspaper on the table in front of him.

Putting the string between the pages, her mother closed her book and set it beside Richard's long forgotten newspaper. Looking up she smiled before staring strangely at the item in Lorelai's hands.

'I picked up a centerpiece for you,' Lorelai said softly, placing the item on the center of the coffee table before them.

'Oh Richard,' Emily said excitedly. 'Remember I told you about these, their edible centerpieces, Penny Shearer had them at her daughters graduation,' she said, looking at the centerpiece. 'They're actually quite beautiful with the right décor,' she continued, fingering the delicate candy ribbon around the basket. 'I don't know what I think about the colour scheme though,' she said, trying to hide the grimace at the pastel colours.

Lorelai looked at her handiwork. She had purchased a beautiful edible creation in soft pinks and blues. Knowing this would not be enough for her parent's to clue in, she had added candy soothers along the bottom border of the basket, also in pinks and blues.

'These are my favourite,' she said, grabbing one of the candy soothers from the bottom and sticking it in her mouth, and sucking loudly.

'Really Lorelai,' her mother admonished, 'must you be so.' Stopping abruptly, her mother looked between her and the basket with a look of pure hope and amazement.

'Lorelai?' she questioned softly.

'I feel as if I've missed something,' Richard said, oblivious to the realization his wife had just made.

Looking at her lap she quickly tried to figure out what to say to her parents.

'Well Daddy, you're going to be seeing a lot more of these colours in the next 9 months.' Giving it a moment to sink in she looked up and continued. 'Sookie's pregnant.'

Her father looked floored, she knew he had still not fully clued in, but his facial features quickly turned into a smile that graced his entire face. He was elated and it was clear to see.

Her mother on the other hand had still not snapped out of her trance. She fingered the soft pink and blue candy lace, which wrapped the basket, only snapping from her thoughts when a piece broke off between her fingers. Laughing happily she popped the piece of candy into her mouth, before throwing her arms around her daughter warmly.

Sitting with her mother's arms around her, she vaguely heard her father say that this news called for a celebration. Losing herself in her mother's arms, she stayed there, relishing the way it felt.

Though she and her mother, had for the most part buried the hatchet, she never thought she would see the day where she felt so welcome in her mother's arms. The times they had shared since her revelation of her cancer had been tough, but had brought them so much closer. Though her father and her relationship had not changed as dramatically, she could feel a sense of warmth radiating from him, imagining that the open lines of communication between the ladies in his life had left him happier, and not feeling caught in the middle any longer.

Her mother released her as they heard her father re-enter the room. Handing them each a glass, he filled them all to the brim with sparkling cider. Seeing her confused look, Richard explained.

'You shouldn't be mixing alcohol with your medication Lorelai, even a little bit,' he said gently.

After toasting to the baby, they had sat and discussed how she had found out.

She had wanted to take Luke, as well as Sookie and Jackson. She wanted Rory there as well, she wanted it to be a family event, but knew there would be time for that. This conversation had to be just the three of them.

Snapping from her thoughts she remembered what she wanted to discuss with Luke.

"What are you doing tomorrow?' she questioned, the thoughts and ideas racing for dominance inside of her head.

"Taking the day off, going fishing,' he said, half questioning her thought process.

"Fishing?" she questioned, her nose wrinkling up at the thought.

"What's wrong with fishing?" he said defensively. "You seemed to like it when I taught you how to fish for that guy," he said clearly emphasizing 'that guy'.

"Oh yea," she replied sarcastically, "the getting up early, walking in the mud, touching worms. A true blast," she said rolling her eyes. "I think my favourite part was the fish that died in my bathtub a couple days later."

At the confused look he gave her, she just rolled her eyes. "Never mind," she said.

"Are you going to be gone all day?" she questioned softly.

"I was planning on it," he said slowly, eyeing her for her reaction.

At her pout, he rolled his eyes. "Why?" he questioned.

"It's your birthday, you can't be alone the whole day."

"That's what I do every year," he said, crossing his arms over his chest defensively.

"Luuke," she whined.

"Fine, and what do you suggest I do?"

Knowing from the sound of annoyance in his voice she didn't want to push too hard, but that she wanted to spend some time with him she thought of her best course of action.

"Come over for supper and a movie." At the look of disgust on his face at the mention of supper, she quickly continued.

"I'll order whatever you want for supper, and we can watch whatever you want," she compromised easily.

"What's the catch?" he asked cautiously.

"No catch," she laughed, knowing she was known for the caveats in her plans.

She was still thinking about her compromise when she woke the next morning. It had been easy to work their plans together, a feat she had not been able to accomplish in most of her relationships so far.

It hadn't seemed problematic to her, hell, she didn't even really think about it. Normally when a situation arose when she was at odds with someone of the opposite sex she would flip her hair, throw in a pout and BAM it was over, she was the victorious winner of whatever had been the prize.

She wanted to spend time with him on his birthday, and she knew how hard he worked, and that he hardly took time for himself ever. If he wanted to go fishing, she wanted to be able to give him that, not take it from him.

Thinking back to her list of rules she had told Rory she had for dating, she realized that the 3 long term relationships she had been in each broke a different rule.

Alex had broken rule 3, the rule that stated that the man of her dreams would feel at home in Stars Hollow, and would love it and respect its members as much as she did.

Max had broken rule 2, the rule stating for him to understand her independence and how all of her experiences, even the negative ones, had shaped her into the person she was today.

Finally that left her with one man, and one rule, for the man of her dreams to love her daughter unconditionally, as if she were his own. The rule seemed silly to be applied to this man, but after a lot of soul searching she had finally realized it. Though Christopher was Rory's father, he didn't love her as a father truly should. Sure, she supposed he did love Rory in his own way, but the way he had treated his flesh and blood over the years left him clearly out of the running for father of the year.

She remembered being so scared, embarking on a new life, baby in tow. Getting the job, surprisingly, had been the easy part. It was when there was only a small supply of money coming in, and she was unable to afford new clothes for her daughter, who was growing bigger and bigger by the minute.

She had called Christopher in a panic, not sure what to do, or where to go. He had told her he knew she couldn't do it, to go home and let her parent's take care of things. He understood her need for independence but he couldn't help her, he was being independent on his own, leaving the next day to start his life in California.

She had felt sick. She always thought that Christopher would be there for her. He didn't even want to hear the problem, he knew the immediate solution was for her to go home, alone to the cold shoulders of her parent's, worse, she wouldn't even have him as her escape. He would be leaving, no look back, he didn't care that he had a daughter who he hadn't seen in 6 months. Hell, he hadn't even seen her 5 times since her birth.

That's when he said it, the moment forever to be stuck in her mind.

'Come with me Lor.'

Maybe this was what she needed, to still be away from her parent's but with a second income to come in, a support system.

He had interrupted her thoughts, shattering the newly forming dream.

'Just me and you, miles of beaches and sun for us to explore.'

'And Rory?' she questioned numbly.

'Your parent's can hire a nanny.' Softening his voice he continud. 'It's not to late to put her up for adoption, Lor.' 'We were so young, we can make this right, get back on track.'

She decided then, with a quick flick of her wrist she had hung up the phone, cutting him off in mid sentence, and not spoken to him again for 3 years.

She knew then what she needed to do. She was going to be the best mother ever. Rory would not ever think she was a mistake, and if that took spreading her budget thinly, and being creative, so be it. That night she had begun to sew up old t-shirts of hers, and sometimes things she would find that had been left behind in the inn, and turn them into the hippest baby clothes anyone had ever seen.

Over the years she had taught Rory that her father was a good man, he just was too young to have a child. When a young Rory would question why she was old enough to be a mom but her father had not been old enough to be a father, she would make up a white lie, hoping it would sound plausible. Her daughter was far too smart for her.

The years past, and Christopher had been in and out of them sporadically. Most years went by with maybe 2 phone calls, usually directed at her, and if she was seeing anyone. She was usually quick to change the subject and redirect it to their daughter, but sometimes the loneliness she felt would get the better of her, and the conversation would become romantic.

Looking back it was clear. The only times Christopher had ever come to visit the small family, was after these phone calls. A quick fling would ensue, and suddenly, mother and daughter would be left broken hearted.

She didn't know what was worse, the times she tried to reconnect with him when Rory was little, or those times later when Rory was a young adult. A young Rory would be left confused, sometimes blaming herself, while an older Rory knew things weren't her fault, but was getting a horrible example of what a relationship was supposed to be.

When Christopher announced he was back for good she had been so happy. She felt validated in her choice to leave Max, knowing her family would be complete. The only problem was, it didn't feel complete. She could sense a tension in the household and couldn't figure out what it was. She imagined it was the lingering tension from her fight with Luke remaining in the house. Her daughter was still mad at her that she had blamed Jess for the accident, and that she had fought so vehemently with Luke. They were on edge from the fight, and from having a male in the house. Though the girl's only palace had seen one man, Max's stay had been short and left little dent in the girls' home, Chris's stay on the other hand, wasn't.

Though he had just left Sherry, he seemed ready to move on, and in, quickly. That was okay, wasn't it? This had been a long time in coming, he had always longed to be with them and his relationship with Sherry hadn't been serious, right? In the few short days he was back in her life it began to nag at her. As more and more of his stuff turned up, and he looked at moving to Stars Hollow, she wondered. Was it too soon, was her home just another temporary address for him, was he using this as an opportunity to pick up and leave on someone else?

She got her answer soon after. Days after the questions unleashed in her mind he was leaving her. She understood the reasons, she hated it, but she did understand. He didn't want to turn away from another child. He had finally gotten to the point of realizing what he had missed out on with Rory and he didn't want to miss out again. There were days she wanted to call him and tell him to come back, that if she could raise a child as a single teenager with no money, then a wealthy independent 30 something year old woman could too.

It wasn't fair for her to do that though, so she kept Luke's words in mind, that she would have her middle someday, and she trudged on. Things were going well in her life, so it was okay; she had other things to focus on.

Lorelai was snapped from her thoughts when she heard the phone ring. Still lazing in bed, she lay there and listened for the machine downstairs to pick up.

Hearing Luke's voice, she looked quickly at the clock. 12:47 blinked the angry red numbers on her alarm. Jumping from the bed she ran quickly down the stairs, not even bothering to put on more appropriate clothing.

Slowing to avoid crashing into the wall, she breathed deeply, trying to calm her racing heart from the short exertion it had received. Pressing the blinking button, she listened as Luke's voice filled the room.

"Hey, it's me, Luke." Rolling her eyes at that she leaned against the wall and continued listening.

"I just got back to the diner, and I figured I could get showered and changed. I have to open tomorrow so I thought we could start the movie early. I'll call you before I come over just to make sure it's okay."

She smiled at that, the poor man would probably be in bed by 9 even though it was his birthday.

"Oh, and I uh, caught some fish. I thought I could make them for supper if that's okay with you."

Wrinkling her nose she just stared at the phone.

"I can picture your face Lorelai you're either wrinkling your nose in disgust, or at the fact that I want to cook on my birthday. Just think about it and get back to me."

She heard the phone click and watched as the red flashing light of the answering machine calmed to a steady glow. Smiling to herself, she thought of how well Luke knew her, and how she had been wrinkling her nose to both the idea of fish and of him cooking. Wanting it to be his day fully, she moved to start straightening the downstairs before he called again.

An hour later she heard the tell tale signs of Luke's boots trudging up her steps, the slow creaky moans of the old wooden deck creating a rhythm only Luke could bring.

"Happy Birthday," she yelled loudly, startling him with both the volume of her voice, as well as the velocity at which she opened the door.

Luke stood before her, one hand reaching for the doorbell and the other clutching a bag. Glaring at her, he lowered his arm and walked the open door into the foyer.

"You could have given me a heart attack," he grumped as he continued on his way to the kitchen.

Smiling, she followed him into the kitchen, standing on her tiptoes to look over his shoulder at what he was setting out on the table.

"It would be easier to just step around me," he said, demonstrating his words by taking a step to the left, leaving her with an unobstructed view of what he had been doing.

Smiling demurely she looked up at him adoringly. "Happy Birthday Luke," she repeated again, this time softer.

Rolling his eyes he started to pull the items from the bag he had brought. Noticing how she had yet to move, he sighed, rolling his eyes at her playfully once again before speaking.

"Thank you Lorelai."

Smiling brightly she bounced on the heels of her feet.

"Did you have a good day?" she questioned, watching in fascination as he pulled out the ingredients for the meal.

"Yea, it was nice," he answered easily, continuing on with his task.

"Weren't you cold?" she questioned, looking out the window at the gentle flurries batting around the sky.

"Nah, it wasn't too bad," he said, placing a pot of water on the stove and setting it to high, "kept my gloves on."

She watched as he waited patiently for the water to come to a boil before adding rice to the pot. Stirring it gently, he turned his attention to the two small oven dishes, filling one with a mixture of carrots and baby corn, and the other with what she assumed was fish.

"What's that?" she questioned, pointing to the white 'meat' that he was sitting inside the pan.

"Fish."

When he failed to say more she sighed deeply. "Luuuke," she whined.

"You said it was okay that I brought the fish Lorelai," he said, slightly irritated by her look of disgust.

"I swear I didn't mean anything by it," she said, sidling up closer to him as he sat the pans into the oven to cook. "I just, uh, expected them to be scaley," wrinkling her nose she continued, "and staring at me."

Washing his hands he spoke to her over his shoulder. "I cleaned them for you," he said simply.

Her heart swelled at this. "You cleaned them for me?" she asked, looking up at him adoringly.

"Jeez," he said after getting a look at the adoration written on her face, "it had to be done I just figured I'd do it at home. You would have probably named it or something."

She laughed heartily at this and threw her arms around his waist, squeezing him tightly. Taken aback by her thoughtless action she was about to slink away until she felt his arms wrap around her, and felt the weight of his head as it leaned onto hers.

"Thanks for this," he said quietly.

"For what?" she questioned gently.

"Everything," he responded just as softly.

Needing to break the palatable vibe, she gently broke away from him and walked to the fridge. Pulling out two bottles of beer she held one out to him.

"What's say we drink this," he said, pulling out a bottle of chilled red wine from the bag he had brought in.

"Why Luke Danes, I never took you as a wino," she drawled out, putting the two beer back into the fridge.

With the meal finished, and the bottle of wine drained of its very last drop, Luke had washed the dishes, standing silently side-by-side Lorelai, as she dried them.

"Be right back," Lorelai said, walking with the wet cloths and heading towards the back porch to throw them in her ever growing laundry pile.

When she returned to the kitchen she was struck silent by the sight of Luke bent over, tying his shoe. Such a simple action and yet she was dumbstruck. My God he had a nice ass she thought, eyeing him as if Patty's spirit had entered her body.

Snapping herself from her thoughts, she smiled devilishly and rushed at him, jumping on his back and nearly sending them both to the floor.

"Shit," he yelped out, grabbing her legs that had wound around him with one hand, and using his other hand to brace himself against the wall.

Giggling, she held on tighter, wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her head on his shoulder, the top of her head pressing against his neck.

He wanted to get mad but couldn't the alcohol had been poured a bit to freely, and Lorelai was a free spirit. It didn't hurt that she smelled amazing, and held onto him so tightly.

Standing up he walked them to the living room before depositing her on the couch.

"Ummph," she cried out dramatically, as she unceremoniously was dropped on the couch.

Sitting down beside her, he pointed at the stack of movies sitting to the side of the TV.

"Don't tell me I have to watch all those," he said, sighing, followed by a yawn.

"No, those aren't the rentals," she laughed, "and I'm sure those home movies would put you to sleep."

He smiled gently, almost enough not to notice, but it was just enough to make her smile in return.

"Reliving the glory days?" he asked, looking to the pile and then nodding to the picture of a smiling Rory on the mantel.

She smiled at the picture of her daughter, the toothy smile of her little girl, happily mugging for the camera after her first day of school.

"No, um, my Mom brought these over, they're of me as a kid," she said, smiling at the memory of her and her mother watching the videos over the last couple of weeks.

Ever since the day her Mother had showed up with the videos, she had been watching them. She and her mother had watched each movie together in their entirety, but she had found herself watching bits and pieces of it everyday. It was strange to her; she had no memories of a happy childhood. But here, lying a couple feet from her, was that proof, a visual diary of the first few years of her life, lullabies, smiles, giggles, toothy grins and more.

"Hey," she heard him say gently. She looked at him, slowly coming from her thoughts.

"Can we watch some of those?" he questioned, his sincerity evident in the sound of his voice.

"What?" she said, laughing, trying to brush off his request, shake off the nervous butterflies the idea left in her stomach.

"Yea," he replied softly, "I'd love to see you as a little girl, see what we might have in a couple of months," he finished, the thought warming her heart.

"I don't know," she said, still trying to figure out a way to quiet the butterflies, though stunned by the sincerity of his request. The request made her feel vulnerable, there was no real explanation for it, she trusted Luke with her life, but, this was her, an innocent little child, no fake smile, or humorous shields, it was her raw, soul bared to the world.

"Don't make me pull the birthday boy card," he said, trying to bring levity to the situation. It was clear though, she could see it in his eyes, he was worried about her reaction, and questioning his desire to involve himself in that aspect of her life. She didn't want that though, she didn't want him questioning any aspect of herself and what she was willing to share with him. They were months away from being parents together, this should be simple, and this would be simple.

"I don't know why you want to see it," she said sighing, and after taking a deep breath she continued, "but if this is what the birthday boy wants, this is what the birthday boy gets!"

It had been an hour, an hour of watching him with baited breath, watching every action and reaction, every breath, sigh and smile. He watched her on the video, playing with her mother, laughing and dancing. She watched as he laughed at her antics, her twirling in her ugly party dresses, the tea parties she held for her dolls, and the outlandish stories she told even as a child. She felt herself relax into him at some point through the home movies, not noticing the when or why, just concentrating on how right it felt. It wasn't until almost the end of the video that she felt him wrap his arm around her shoulder, and felt themselves slide more comfortably into the couch.

"June," he said softly.

"June 19th," she repeated just as softly, patting his thigh gently.

"Wow," he breathed out.

"I know," she said smiling and watching the video play before them.

June 19th there would be a little baby, a piece of each of them wrapped up in a little blue or pink blanket. They had barely talked about it. It seemed that a calm realization had swept over them that night in the diner, Sookie's revelation slowly sinking into their minds.

She diverted her attention back to the video. It was her favourite part, her mother singing her lullaby to her, gently rocking her three-year-old body to sleep in an old wooden rocking chair. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Luke smiling.

"I remember my Mom singing that song to Liz," he said softly, the tinge of sadness in his voice, overpowered by the simplicity of the words of the song.

She snuggled into him and listened to her mother sing to her, to her and Luke. She looked to Luke who was now dozing, sprawled out across her couch with her almost directly on top of him.

She felt her eyes getting heavy but couldn't move from the site before her. She watched the steady in and out breathing of Luke, who was being lulled to sleep by her mother's voice, the lyrics to 'My Girl', wafting through the living room, creating a cocoon of safety.

She no longer could resist his sleepy innocence. Maybe she herself was being lulled by the music, but the man before her warmed her heart. Gently leaning over she placed her lips to the side of his and kissed him, gently grazing the side of his mouth with hers.

She felt his arm encircle her, and she nearly had a heart attack. Her fight or flight instinct was quickly quieted as he pulled her to him, their mouths finding each other as the video ended, the bright blue light on the screen lighting the room around them.

As his lips left hers, she felt him settle back against the pillow, and she laid her head into the space between his neck and shoulders, feeling him sinking gently back into the couch cushions. With his quiet breathing lulling her to sleep, she let her mind shut down, feeling the weight of his arm around her, and the weight of her body baring down on his, she fell asleep with the taste of him on her lips.


	22. Author's note

Wow, I can't believe it's been 3 years since I updated this story! I really struggled since I had no plan for the next chapter. I was pretty meticulous in planning my chapters but I left to chapters open for updating things that I may have forgotten about. After that struggle I sunk into a good comfy bout of writer's block, from there things just kept spiraling. I feel like I don't have as much of a grip on the characters anymore. With GG being off the air for more than 5 years I feel like I have lost the understanding of the characters mannerisms, quirky comments and use of body language. I feel these things are key elements in stories.

I absolutely plan on finishing this story, and when I am able to get my chapter notes from my mom's house I hope to pick it up again. I appreciate all of the reviews, favourite ads, and pm's I have gotten over the years and hope that there are still people around who want to read this story. I truly must apologize for the long wait, and having gone back and reread the story now I can see how off my timeline is, as well as how hard it was to keep reading through my mess of past tense/present tense switches I did in the first chapters before I had a BETA.

I hope to begin writing the story again in the next month or so but know I will struggle with getting going again. Please bear with me as I do not want to leave this story unfinished as I truly felt this was a unique story and fell in love with the idea of writing it. Also I have a random question about a story I read years ago. If anyone knows what story I'm talking about and can send me the name I would really appreciate it, I remember little about it but would love to go back and reread it, or see if it has been finished. The story involved Jess being injured in some way, and Luke having to sell the diner to be able to afford the medical bills. The town tries to buy it but taylor is outbidding them. Step in Richard who buys the building. Luke and Lorelai get together while sitting on the steps and talking when he tells her his fears of how he is losing everything.

I know it's not much to go on, but if anyone remembers this story I would love to reread it. Thanks again to those of you who put up with a 3 year hiatus on the story and I do promise to get back into this soon.


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